Pregnant, moving in together but I cannot stand his dogs

[fluffypillowspls]

I’m three months pregnant and currently do not live with my partner. Since becoming pregnant, I really cannot stand the smell of his dogs. I also really hate the fur everywhere.

One of these dogs is quite elderly and realistically won’t be around in spring next year when I am due. I think this is a really smelly one as he doesn’t take it to be groomed as they are so old.

His house at the moment really smells of dog and I decided as of last night that I’m not going to his house anymore. He can’t stay at mine because he has to go back to his to look after the dogs.

He has given notice on his flat and will be moving back to his mum’s for a few months to help her as she’s old with Health Issues. The plan for December January times was for him to rent a place for both of us. I really do want to live with him, and I know at that point of my pregnancy. I will really need him around and want him around. However, I cannot stand the thought of his stinky dogs being in the house and the fur everywhere.

The thought of having a child and having fur all over their baby clothes really stresses me out. When I go over to his house now I literally have to hold my nose and he does try his best to clean mop etc but on some occasions it is really strong smelling. He is his nose blind to this and doesn’t realise and I’m sure he thinks I’m exaggerating.

I am bothered by this so much that I actually wish I could turn back the clock and not get pregnant because he does come with the dogs as a package. Obviously, I can’t do that and I’m not going to terminate, especially at this point, but I just feel so stressed out and down about this.

I’m considering maybe we just don’t live together once we have the child so I don’t have to be around the dogs but when I broach this with him, he was offended and did not agree at all with the idea.

I can’t tell him not to keep his dogs and I wouldn’t say that because one he would resent me and two he had them first, but I just cannot see a world where I am happy with having these two dogs or even just one of them around.

He has said that when we get this place together, he can section off areas for the dog/s to be, But I still think the house is going to stink and the fur will still get everywhere. I want my baby to be able to crawl around and not have fur all over them.

I don’t even know what I want from this post, but has anyone been in this situation and has it got better? Or am I just doomed? Has anyone decided to live apart from their partner.

So realistically the elderly one will pass away soon. The others, just give them a bloody bath. Well groomed, healthy, clean dogs should not smell. Mine never did. People used to comment all the time on how my house stayed so fresh with dogs living there. I just kept them clean.

Bath every 2 weeks or sooner if they were mucky, ears cleaned, anal glands cleared, paws kept clean and brushed at least twice a week. I used to use Alberto Balsam shampoo on them because it brought their coats up lovely and didn't dry out their skin.

If they still stink, look at their diets. An inefficient diet can cause bad smells, same as if we eat a lot of garlic, we smell of it.

In my experience any house that has dogs allowed inside and on the furniture will have a faint “dog” smell at least. And some have a major dog stink. And fur everywhere. And I love dogs. So even if you’ve an area of the house sectioned off for dogs (which you should have to protect baby and dogs from each other) there will still be the smell, fur and work involved in being a dog family. If that’s not what you want then don’t move in together.

I could hardly go in my kitchen when I was in first trimester, I was convinced the fridge and bin smelled terribly even after my DH scrubbed both and assured me they really didn’t smell!

You might find the dog smell isn’t as bad in a couple of months. I’d put off moving in together until then at least, maybe even until after the baby is born.

I was in a similar situation years ago, I’d been with my partner (now husband) and he had pets, I was a little allergic but initially I was ok , I got pregnant and then I also couldn’t stand the smell and had HG. I was hospitalised for a week in which time he rehomed all his pets. He said he was sad but I was seriously ill and me and the baby came first.

Absolutely this. In fact, there's no reason not to bath the elderly one too. I've always bathed mine coz they do get smellier as they got older.

on the face of it it sounds like you're incompatible
But its definitely true that certain things feel more stressful than usual when pregnant. I had a meltdown about a blanket that MiL knitted me because I didnt like the width of the stripes! (sorry MIL)

Your feelings towards the dogs might mellow a bit when baby is here especially is your DP turns out to be a good and helpful parent.

it ought to be possible to have a dog -free zone in your future house as long as you're both strict about it from the outset. in the meantime he shoudl take both to be professionally groomed - as well as making them smell better they shoudl be able to de-shed them which for a few months at least should mean less hair lying around

I’m considering maybe we just don’t live together once we have the child so I don’t have to be around the dogs but when I broach this with him, he was offended and did not agree at all with the idea.

For a start, he doesn't get to decide this, you do. You don't need his permission to live separately. If it's a deal-breaker for him then you'll split up.

There shouldn't be fur everywhere, that's a lack of housekeeping and a lack of dog care. If you've got furry pets you need to hoover daily, it's that simple. If he's not going to do that, his house will be unclean. The covers on the sofas need washing, if they're not removable the sofas will need replacing. The smell will be in the fabric, especially if the dogs are allowed to sit on the sofas. The walls need wiping down.

Mopping the floor, wiping the surfaces, cleaning the bathroom and running the hoover round weekly is the bare minimum that people without pets should be doing, not some major effort on his part.

The dogs don't need to go to the groomer but they do need to be groomed. Being old is no reason not to do it. If they're badly trained or their hair is a mess, they may find themselves getting pulled around at the groomers so they can get the job done in the allotted time. They're not there to train people's pets. Long term the owner should be doing that at home, so they learn to stand quietly whilst being groomed. So to avoid any rushed handling, offer to pay double for each dog so they can have a longer appointment and things can be done more calmly. It's not acceptable just to leave them ungroomed, for a start their nails will become overgrown and their toes deformed which will affect their ability to walk pain-free.

Alternatively, he can groom them himself. From a health perspective it's not rocket science. A slicker brush (no other kind, they will pull and hurt) to get tangles and dead hair out, a comb to check for any tangles that have been missed so you can go back in with the slicker brush, nail clipping (he'll have to learn where the vein is so he can try to avoid cutting it), any matts cut out with scissors. Then shampoo and blow-dry, using the slicker brush again as you do. It may not look the prettiest, especially if a lot of matts have been cut out, but from a health perspective it's adequate. Leaving them ungroomed, especially an old dog that can't groom itself properly, is neglect. He needs to raise his game. Brushing weekly, shampooing every 6 weeks.

It doesn't matter that he can't smell the dogs, you can. Probably so can everyone else, they're just not pregnant and nauseated by it and are too polite to say anything. If someone is telling him his house stinks, he should be paying attention to that.

If the old dog is dying of some condition and is too badly trained to groom or is too upset by the process, then the time to PTS is now. Leaving it until the last minute is something owners do for their own sake, not their pets' sake, and it's selfish.

No relationship is perfect but you need to start as you mean to go on, otherwise your life will be hell. Don't tolerate being expected to live in unclean conditions just because he's a lazy pet owner. It won't get better over time. Either he steps up now and starts doing things properly or you don't live together. He shouldn't be acting like mopping the floor once a week is doing you a favour. This isn't really about the dogs, this is about his attitude towards housework as much as it is about pet care.

Don't live a miserable life with a waste of space man. You've got your DC so you'll have to co-parent with him, but you can and should find someone better as your life partner, if this man won't step up and start living like a civilised human being. I don't know how old he is but he's over 18 and about to become a father, it's time to grow up. If he's over 25-30, bad news, he's not going to - this is him and he is unlikely to ever change.

If he won't step up, it's better to break up now and try to remain friends, than to wait until you're at the point of rowing about housework and pets regularly and you've come to despise the sight of him. Be lead by your head instead of your heart, look at things from a practical perspective and act accordingly - because love does not conquer all, that's romantic nonsense that soon fades in the face of your partner neglecting you and DC.

Children who grow up with pets, especially in the first year develop stronger immune systems and are less likely to develop allergies or asthma. So there is that.
Your smell is likely heightened but dog smell can be sorted by regular cleaning, of the both the dogs and the home/bedding etc.

Quite. Some people think nothing of dumping their pets when they no longer fit into their lives, maybe the OP was hoping he’d do the same. What a ridiculous self inflicted situation.

No way would I be moving in with that smell.
Rethink the pregnancy OP.
Lots of people have dogs that aren't smelly and neither are their homes.
I think this does not bode well at all for your future.

Yanbu

Obviously as you’ve acknowledged you shouldn’t have got pregnant as this is a fundamental incompatibility in your relationship.

You can’t move in together like this. He’ll have to wait until his dogs have passed away or get rid earlier.

Elderly dogs can still be bathed you know...

YABU to get pregnant before even living together, dogs aside, and even more irresponsible knowing he had dogs which you clearly don’t like. You both sound immature and I don’t think this will end well.

Prepare to be a single parent . This relationship is not going to work .

He should start to take his dogs both to the vet to check their health like their teeth and then to be groomed regularly. It's the only way to keep the doggy pong in check.

You shouldn't move in together though as it won't really get much better. Bear in mind this won't change even if he's at his mother's.

It's so nice to hear from a dog owner who does more than the bare frigging minimum for their dogs. As a former dog groomer I'm so jaded by the way most people don't care for theirs. Even the ones that came to the groomers regularly would be left too long in-between appointments and the owners rarely touched the dog from a grooming perspective in-between appointments. So many of them hadn't even been trained to just stand still, without trying to sit down or jump off the table, or to have their paw held. I CBA with it all in the end. People like you restore my faith in humanity a bit 🐾 💞

Don't move in together.

There shouldn't be fur everywhere, that's a lack of housekeeping and a lack of dog care. If you've got furry pets you need to hoover daily, it's that simple.

I think that might depend on the breed.

My first dog was a lab cross. He had a fine undercoat that shed like crazy, no matter how many times a day I brushed him. Even a Roomba permanently roaming the house wouldn't have kept on top of it, and clouds of fine black fluff would blow across the kitchen floor like tumbleweed. My next 2 dogs were non-moulting breeds, so much easier, even if I did have to handstrip their coats fairly regularly.

I wouldn't have given up the dogs for any relationship though.

Why did you choose to get pregnant by him? You knew his life before.

I'm such a dog person. The dog sleeps on top of us. There is fur everywhere. My child must be covered in a lot of dog related germs constantly, which I now assume is good for her though I did feel a bit worried about it when she was a small baby. I had a dog when I met DH and he luckily got on board with the dog and came to love him, walked him and looked after him. That dog sadly had to be put down a few months ago and DH cried as much as the rest of us. We have a new rescue dog now.

I can't really imagine any world in which this was somehow all kept separate. I think you're a dog family or you're not. Dogs are truly part of the family. I think you need to embrace the dogs or move on from the relationship entirely. I genuinely can't see any way to make it work otherwise. Probably the smell issue is a pregnancy thing which will pass - however it seems like you just don't like them.

Are you expecting him to give up his desire for Canine company for the entirety of your relationship?

If so, your relationship is already doomed to failure.

As a matter of interest, what made you decide having a baby together was a good idea?

Only if they could tolerate it well in the first place. It stresses some dogs out far too much.

Presumably, having dogs is not his entire personality.

We have 2 gorgeous cats, who I love. During my pregnancy I started having an irrational dislike of them. No idea why, it really came out of the blue. Felt incredibly guilty. Luckily DH was more than happy to take over all of the pet care. But I didn't even like them climbing on me for cuddles.

Had my baby and it was the same thing.

When I really reduced breastfeeding (at 18 months - 2 years) I finally stopped feeling this weird dislike. It snapped back basically over the course of a week. Went back to loving them the way I always did.

So I would think on how you felt before getting pregnant, if you liked them I think there is every chance it is a weird hormonal/pregnancy thing.

I'd minimise contact (i.e. no dogs on the bed, wash sofa covers regularly, DH deals with the food and clean up).

I personally would need my DH with my during later pregnancy so I don't think living separately is the way. I also think pets shouldn't be rehomed when a baby comes along (unless a risk to the baby etc).

Ask him to bathe dogs. See if they still smell as badly after a bath. A dog being elderly is no excuse not to keep it clean.