Pregnant, moving in together but I cannot stand his dogs

[fluffypillowspls]

I’m three months pregnant and currently do not live with my partner. Since becoming pregnant, I really cannot stand the smell of his dogs. I also really hate the fur everywhere.

One of these dogs is quite elderly and realistically won’t be around in spring next year when I am due. I think this is a really smelly one as he doesn’t take it to be groomed as they are so old.

His house at the moment really smells of dog and I decided as of last night that I’m not going to his house anymore. He can’t stay at mine because he has to go back to his to look after the dogs.

He has given notice on his flat and will be moving back to his mum’s for a few months to help her as she’s old with Health Issues. The plan for December January times was for him to rent a place for both of us. I really do want to live with him, and I know at that point of my pregnancy. I will really need him around and want him around. However, I cannot stand the thought of his stinky dogs being in the house and the fur everywhere.

The thought of having a child and having fur all over their baby clothes really stresses me out. When I go over to his house now I literally have to hold my nose and he does try his best to clean mop etc but on some occasions it is really strong smelling. He is his nose blind to this and doesn’t realise and I’m sure he thinks I’m exaggerating.

I am bothered by this so much that I actually wish I could turn back the clock and not get pregnant because he does come with the dogs as a package. Obviously, I can’t do that and I’m not going to terminate, especially at this point, but I just feel so stressed out and down about this.

I’m considering maybe we just don’t live together once we have the child so I don’t have to be around the dogs but when I broach this with him, he was offended and did not agree at all with the idea.

I can’t tell him not to keep his dogs and I wouldn’t say that because one he would resent me and two he had them first, but I just cannot see a world where I am happy with having these two dogs or even just one of them around.

He has said that when we get this place together, he can section off areas for the dog/s to be, But I still think the house is going to stink and the fur will still get everywhere. I want my baby to be able to crawl around and not have fur all over them.

I don’t even know what I want from this post, but has anyone been in this situation and has it got better? Or am I just doomed? Has anyone decided to live apart from their partner.

I don’t think it’s right that you and others are not-so-subtly accusing the OP of lying about her contraception failing. And essentially blaming the woman for an accidental pregnancy.

'Unwashed animals stink' is a strange thing to say in the context of a human perspective. Animals (including humans) can develop an unpleasant scent as they age of course, but I don't think animals all require washing (as in the human definition of it, baths/showers/detergent etc) to avoid a 'stink'. Do you think they should? I am not going to assume people chuck their pet rabbit in the bath every night or that snakes have found it necessary to use soap.

Non-human animals have ways of keeping themselves clean that are different to ours. Some lick themselves. Some use sand. Some use mud. Some have help from other species. There's a huge margin between 'clean by human standards, antibacterial' and clean by other animals' standard that is healthy and well-kempt.

lol, that’s not what’s happening at all. But there has been a complete lack of consideration on the OP’s part. Dating a man with dogs when clearly she doesn’t like dogs…

Old dogs can still be groomed. Ask him to take them regularly.

I agree, there is nothing wrong with having pets, but being emotionally dependent on them is a sign that something has gone wrong.

It’s not to replace human relationships but they can and do have wellbeing benefits. Honestly, I feel some people on this thread are being purposefully obtuse.

It’s quite evident that the OP isn’t coming back, so this whole debate is pointless now anyway.

of course something has gone wrong! people don't use hearing aids or wheelchairs unless "something has gone wrong"

Arguably being emotionally dependent on another human could also be said to be due to 'something having gone wrong'.

Humans have kept pets since the old stone age, making them a huge part of our development as a species.

Hi, I’m back! Was completely distracted by life and forgot about this thread to be honest.

So I’ve been staying at his house, even there sometimes for up to 5 days at a time and there’s been sometimes that I’ve arrived and I’ve not smelt anything. And then, obviously the longer I stay, I become nose blind to it. I think what the issue Was the other day and sometimes rears again Is that it’s the elderly dog that stinks And while he is often by the back door on a couple of occasions, he’s been by the front door or in the front room so his smell is more obvious.

I still hate the fur everywhere, despite hoovering multiple times a day, the elderly dog just sheds so much, sometimes huge clumps of fur.

Partner has said that when we get our place together, we’ll get a big enough place to section parts off. Typically, I accept that and I’m okay but every so often after particularly with whiffy encounter, I will just work myself up into a complete state where I see this as being the end of the world almost and I start spiralling thinking about my baby getting covered in fur.

My partner has asked me multiple times if I would rather us get a place together right now, but as much as I would love to be with him all the time, his mum does need him for now so I’m okay with him going to live with her for a couple months it means that I can put off living with the dogs for now and he can come and stay with me a couple nights a week without having to rush back for the dogs. She is used to dogs, is a dog person and looks after them sometimes. And maybe this isn’t nice of me, but the elderly dog is due to pass away soon, so maybe that will happen first… Yes, my partner will be distraught, but I will support him as best as I can and it’s not like he doesn’t know that this isn’t happening at some point soon.

I agree with everybody saying that I should have really thought about the dog situation before getting pregnant with this man. Dogs aside, I really do love him and I think my pregnancy hormones is just exaggerating everything. I’m not going to terminate, I did seriously consider it, but maybe that’s when I was in my spiralled state but to terminate over dogs is quite silly I think and honestly I think my pregnancy hormones were just in overdrive. I have my own place, which I will always keep and get a tenant in one of the rooms so if I need to escape, I can.

I don’t know if I’ve just calmed down because I’ve been away from the dogs for a week 😅 We went on a lovely day yesterday and it just reminded me of why I fell in love with him in the first place, Of course he had to go back home rather than stay to be there for his dogs 🙄 but I’m so used to that by now and I have the worst joint pain, so I don’t sleep very well so it’s probably for the best!

Does nobody brush the dogs - ever. Surely if both dogs were brushed frequently there would not be all these clumps of fur that makes the home need all this constant hoovering - multiple times a day

Give the elderly dog a bath and brush her teeth. Smell will be much improved. People just don't bother to do these things to look after their dogs hygiene and then complain they smell, well so would you if you went weeks without showering or cleaning your teeth.

The baby probably will get covered in fur. It's just bloody fur, it's not going to hurt them, it's actually good for their immune systems.

Growing up with dogs is proven to be good for children's physical and mental health.

Just here for some practical advice from a dog owner and mum.

1. Ask your partner to compromise and get a professional groom regularly. I'm not sure why the age of the dog matters so long as you find a good groomer? Some comes to your home? That or your partner takes the dog for a regular wash and give the dog a spray of dog cologne after to make the fresh smell last.
2. Wash dog beds regularly. Anywhere the dog rests accumulated their scent. Beds and their blankets are major culprits. Get something machine washerable and throw it in the wash once a week.
3. You can buy natural pet and eco friendly enzyme based disinfectant cleaner spray that also eliminates odors. Research one with a nice light scent. Just need to leave that around the house and spray on rugs, couches, dog stuff whenever you want to freshen up. Real quick win.
4. You can get an air purifier that has a pet fur suction these days. I've seen some on Amazon that purifies air and sucks up dog hair. I don't have it as my dog does not shed but good option to have.
5. Put breath freshing drops in the dog's water bowl daily.
6. Get some pet wipes and clean the dogs after a walk.

It's basically good hygiene for dogs like they are kids. I've experienced going into a house where the dogs are not washed and shed and indeed it was disgusting. But so long as your partner is a responsible owner then a dog isn't a problem for the kids. You would want to section areas off like having a play pen for the baby anyway as you don't want to let a baby roam around the house. So you can keep the nursery, the playpen in the lounge and playroom dog free. Other than that a dog is meant to help with building kids immune system up and helps the kids develop emotionally and it's wonderful part of their upbringing.

Good luck.

I mean there are options like use contraception if you don’t want a baby with this man you aren’t living with who has filthy unkept dogs that smell!

A bit too late for that now I guess!

No but she still has the option to terminate

not an option when you are already up the duff

Wrong again. Hey I know, I’ll just throw away my dog of 10 years because my new partner says so. It’s not surprising how many animals end up in recuses when people like you exist.

Literally exactly that - the partner and baby are more important.

The OP hasn’t even commented on how long they’ve been together. They also don’t live together, and it should stay that way.

if you think it’s reasonable that a person should get rid of an animal of ten years for someone they may have knocked up after a couple of months, you’re very much in the minority.

Don’t you question your own callousness? It’s quite concerning.

the partner and baby are more important. ..... without question.

I am horrified at the suggestion that terminationn of a human baby might even be on the cards in this situation!

Ditch the blooming dog!

I don’t think termination is the solution. I simply think a foetus shouldn’t take priority of existing animals. They need to live separately like they have been doing anyway.

They don’t have to consider their pregnant partner (though that would be nice) but should they not consider their own baby?

Unless I have missed something, the (unborn) baby does not have and has not expressed that s/he doesn't like or doesn't want to live with dogs, or have a Father who has dogs.

I simply think a foetus shouldn’t take priority of existing animals - a human foetus should not take priority over a dog - is this for real !?

They should live separately until the time comes that they can live together. It’s not ideal but it’s the situation they have found themselves in.

Beloved pets shouldn’t suffer as a result of their owner being irresponsible.