Pregnant, moving in together but I cannot stand his dogs

[fluffypillowspls]

I’m three months pregnant and currently do not live with my partner. Since becoming pregnant, I really cannot stand the smell of his dogs. I also really hate the fur everywhere.

One of these dogs is quite elderly and realistically won’t be around in spring next year when I am due. I think this is a really smelly one as he doesn’t take it to be groomed as they are so old.

His house at the moment really smells of dog and I decided as of last night that I’m not going to his house anymore. He can’t stay at mine because he has to go back to his to look after the dogs.

He has given notice on his flat and will be moving back to his mum’s for a few months to help her as she’s old with Health Issues. The plan for December January times was for him to rent a place for both of us. I really do want to live with him, and I know at that point of my pregnancy. I will really need him around and want him around. However, I cannot stand the thought of his stinky dogs being in the house and the fur everywhere.

The thought of having a child and having fur all over their baby clothes really stresses me out. When I go over to his house now I literally have to hold my nose and he does try his best to clean mop etc but on some occasions it is really strong smelling. He is his nose blind to this and doesn’t realise and I’m sure he thinks I’m exaggerating.

I am bothered by this so much that I actually wish I could turn back the clock and not get pregnant because he does come with the dogs as a package. Obviously, I can’t do that and I’m not going to terminate, especially at this point, but I just feel so stressed out and down about this.

I’m considering maybe we just don’t live together once we have the child so I don’t have to be around the dogs but when I broach this with him, he was offended and did not agree at all with the idea.

I can’t tell him not to keep his dogs and I wouldn’t say that because one he would resent me and two he had them first, but I just cannot see a world where I am happy with having these two dogs or even just one of them around.

He has said that when we get this place together, he can section off areas for the dog/s to be, But I still think the house is going to stink and the fur will still get everywhere. I want my baby to be able to crawl around and not have fur all over them.

I don’t even know what I want from this post, but has anyone been in this situation and has it got better? Or am I just doomed? Has anyone decided to live apart from their partner.

I suppose this is why there is the novel concept of getting to know someone well enough to commit to the relationship long term and even be living together before making the baby. Or is this terribly old fashioned?

Plan to move in together and talk to him about it. It’s common that you’re pregnancy will be making smells 1000 times worse, in which case either organise for dogs to stay elsewhere or postpone moving. Despite loving dogs my opinion would be the 3 humans come first now. This does happen, I know a family who had the baby and baby had allergy to the dog, dog had to be rehomed to a friend. After baby arrives dogs in their own zone is a good idea and a pretty good compromise on both parts.

Be honest - You assumed he would get rid of his dogs to a rescue/pound without you having to ask, didn't you?

Awful.

Nope, not old fashioned, just good old common sense. But even if it is old fashioned, there's usually a good reason why things were done in certain ways in the past, i.e. years/decades/centuries of experience/common sense/good practice/sense etc.

I'd be worried as he's a shit ddog owner he'll be a rubbish df also.
They aren't trained or bathed..

Tell him when he addresses those things you can discuss living together.
And mean it..

Those poor, poor dogs. They deserve better than you

AGREE
Poor animals.
how did BF hide the aroma & fur before you got pregnant ?

@fluffypillowspls
Chances are, you won't be able to find a rental who allows dogs

And you have your own place, so invite him to stay with you in yours, but have a chat about the dogs

You are so casual about the fact you started a family with a man you can’t live with due to a massive dog incompatibility. Did you discuss the dog before getting pregnant? Could you not have had a baby with a no dog man? I feel sorry for your DC who will never have a secure family unit and will be ferried between homes from day one, because of a dog. Shocking that 41% of MN think you are being reasonable.

@Pumpkinsaregrowingnicely Unless my internet isnt loading OPs posts correcrly (can see only 1 original post by OP?) it doesnt say anything about the dogs' training or lack thereof.

Where sid you get that from?

They need bathing.
Although my last GSD got incontinent as he got older. Can't do much about that other than your best until they die.

Tbh vey old animals do just smell. Even if you bath them. So do people. The chemicals produced the body change with age.

You can't expect him to give his dogs up.
Yes she can. Baby takes precedence of course.
If he wants to live with his own child the dogs must go.

Did you make it clear you did not like the dogs at any point before becoming pregnant OP?

Ignore the arseholes on here who are suggesting this is your fault because you knew about the dogs. Do not move in with this man. You will be miserable and stressed and your poor baby will have a dad who doesn't care about cleanliness. Please put yourself first here.

It depends on if she actually told him or showed him that she did not like his dogs before.

If she hasnt said a sausage about it and then - ✨SURPRISE!!! I actually don't like dogs and am pregnant now so can you get rid of them please✨

would be utterly batshit.

However if he knew that the woman he was getting pregnant didnt like his dogs then he is just as bad...

Hence my question above.

What kind of dogs are they? I think some are stinkier than others so you might find that a different house with no lingering old dog smell, plus regular grooming and washing helps? If they are a breed that has oily fur or are more smelly in general than no idea! I couldn’t have dogs for this reason as so many reek to me and even though I love them, I couldn’t have them in my house

Poor dogs and poor child.

I wouldn't allow any animals near my newborn child. I wouldn't care if it was shaved bald and scrubbed twice a day. The answer is no.

He is clearly a crap dog owner if they stink so bad so I wouldn't have high hopes for him as a father.

It’s quite shocking the selfish scenarios people are willing to bring children into this world

Ok cool. So don't have children with a dog owner. Presumably you don't plan to!

Anyway aging dogs can and do smell. Like aging people can develop a scent. The body changes as it ages, producing hugher levels of a chemical called 2-noneal. 2-nonenal is not easily washed away with water because it does not dissolve well. It creates a faint, grassy, or greasy musk often described as an "aging odor".

Dogs with skin issues can also smell. Dogs with oily fur (as opposed to the fluffier type fur) can smell.

Nothing to do with poor ownership.

I recommend knowing before speaking.

I couldn't live in a stinky dog house either OP! Don't move in.

I am not a dog person so I wouldn't have a relationship with someone with dogs. I also don't think dogs and babies mix.

But I also remember that I had a heightened sense of smell when I was pregnant and I wonder of that's the issue? I used to go into the loos at work and the smell of dehydrated urine was overpowering. Never noticed it since I gave birth.

Op mentions cleaning/mopping but it still smells
.assumed ddog wee..elderly ddog isn't to be unexpected..
Or just not house trained?

I have a dog that moults and have never found dog fur all over my baby’s clothes, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that.

I found that after my first baby was born I found my dog generally annoying, but that quickly dissipated.

Can you afford to live separately while on maternity leave? Plenty of women do it alone, but I think you will struggle significantly with resentment if you are up all hours with a newborn baby and he’s sleeping soundly in his own home.

I would try to find some compromise. The dogs are washed at least once a week, brushed daily, not allowed upstairs etc. Regular carpet cleaning, dog bed washing etc.