AIBU to refuse the back seat when giving my MIL a lift?

[Frontseat]

MIL expects lifts . Fair enough dh obliges.

Sometimes I’m with him as while she’s in an appt we get other jobs done/shopping etc

Turned up today and she ordered me into the back seat ! I said no - if you want a lift get in if not book an uber.
The seats are on the same level, just as accessible and the same leg room ( im petite so have the seat pulled forward so back seat has lots of space).
She went mad started shouting at me ! To have some respect and move. Called me a ‘rude disrespectful little bitch’.

Dh has then told her to sort out a taxi he’s not having her speak to me that way.

She has phoned repeatedly (we ignored)
Shes messaged to say she missed her hospital appt because of me !!!

AIBU to think she should have just sat in the back ?!!

I agree with you in that she shouldn't expect to sit in the front, but it sounds like you could have said it in a nicer way.

Glad your DH ditched her. Only thing that would sway it would be if she gets travel sick and had asked nicely and you still said no.

I would always offer someone the front seat, especially an older person. But there's obviously way more than the car seat going on here.

Wow I can’t believe she spoke to you like that!! Never speak to her again.

I always offer the front seat to my nan/dad but I would never offer the front seat to anyone who spoke to me like that! I’m guessing this is not your first run in with her? Glad to see your dh has your back!

Sometimes I’m with him as while she’s in an appt we get other jobs done/shopping etc

Has this never come up on any of the previous occasions he's given her a lift and you've been there?

I sit in the front seat due to travel sickness. Otherwise I would probably have sat in the back seat to accommodate her.

I am assuming what you said to her was said in jokey tones otherwise it seemed a bit ... blunt? Her response to you was unhinged though - I take it she didn't like you before this?

She does sound high-handed and unpleasant so you likely won't be missing much.

Surely the boot was also an option?
Glad your dh has your back.

That situation sure did escalate quickly. There must be a bit of a backstory, no?

She was very rude if she really said all that. But you were rude too. Isn’t it usual to let someone who’s older have the front?

I would have always offered my grandmother the front seat. Yes it might be the same but does she know that? As typically a lot of the time you would presume the back is harder to get into for an older person. Her language is terrible though! Those words would never come out of my grandmother or mother’s mouth! So I feel there’s more going on here.
YANBU given how she spoke to you. But I feel you could have explained better rather than just saying no, get a taxi if you don’t like it basically. Even if I felt like that I don’t think I’d ever dare speak to my mum or my DPs mum like that!

My mil finds the front seat much easy to get in and out of and easy to stretch out her legs. Its a different layout to the back

It doesnt seem a big deal to me

The main thing is that your dh has your back. How old is she? If I’m honest I don’t think I’d have had the nerve to say what you did though.

Years ago my mum made me sit in the back of my dad’s 2 door sports car. I was 7 months pregnant with twins. I struggled to get in and out but that’s ok, she’s was the queen and didn’t care about anyone else. Ho hum. She’s still like that 35 years later.

I would have offered the front seat, but not doing so doesn't justify that reaction and I'm glad your husband stood up to it.

I think you were extremely disrespectful not to offer your mother in law the front seat - I don’t think I’ve ever given a lift to a relative or older person and expected them to get in the back. Having said that, your mother in law was unacceptably rude to you, and your husband was right to challenge her. However, if withdrawing the offer of the lift then meant she missed her hospital appointment, I think that was very wrong of him.

Surely that is just respect for your elders? I always step out of the front seat if my MIL is in the car with us. Indo it for my SIL's too as they are older than me. They often protest and say not to be daft but surely its a respect thing? It'd never occur to me to let my MIL sit in the back, how rude!

She’s been off the last three times when I was there and passively aggressively said she prefers the front after the trips. Today she was just horrible. She doesn’t have any mobility issues and as I said the seats are equal in all ways. It’s not more uncomfortable or less spacious in the back seat

I also would give up the front seat, but the thought of my Grandma using such language is frankly comical.

Her abusive language caused her to miss the lift. If she spoke to an Uber driver that way they would also refuse to drive her! No one should put up with abuse.

Good on you.

Unless a medical need I don’t get why someone else should get the front just because they are older. The same reasons for a healthy mil to want the front seat are the very same reasons op could want the front seat.

I hate sitting in the back so only do it in other people’s cars as they are doing me a favour or giving a lift but in dh’s car Im the front passenger.

Are you a MIL?

Because it's weird that MIL is calling OP a ‘rude disrespectful little bitch’ and you still OP at fault.

So when's the last time your MIL called you a ‘rude disrespectful little bitch’?

I wonder how the mumsnetters who think MiLs and older people in general don't deserve any consideration will feel when they reach that age.

Why does being just older make you more worthy?

Surely we are all equal until there is something that gives someone more need and just age isn’t that.

It’s mine and my husband’s car we together pay for it. Why would any person getting a lift get priority over those paying for it without an actual need?

I drive - it's up to DH where he sits

Same