AIBU to refuse the back seat when giving my MIL a lift?

[Frontseat]

MIL expects lifts . Fair enough dh obliges.

Sometimes I’m with him as while she’s in an appt we get other jobs done/shopping etc

Turned up today and she ordered me into the back seat ! I said no - if you want a lift get in if not book an uber.
The seats are on the same level, just as accessible and the same leg room ( im petite so have the seat pulled forward so back seat has lots of space).
She went mad started shouting at me ! To have some respect and move. Called me a ‘rude disrespectful little bitch’.

Dh has then told her to sort out a taxi he’s not having her speak to me that way.

She has phoned repeatedly (we ignored)
Shes messaged to say she missed her hospital appt because of me !!!

AIBU to think she should have just sat in the back ?!!

She's clearly got issues with you, as do you her. I let my MIL sit in the front so she can talk to DH and I can ignore them both

I think it's something you see in more WC families in this country.

It's refreshing to see a husband actually stick up for his wife.
Sorry OP that this happened to you. Wow!

So if the back seat and front seat are equal in all respects, why were you so adamant on sitting in the front?

Your (elderly?) guest on her way to the hospital expressed a preference. You claim there’s no difference between the two seats, a view she clearly didn’t share. Your view being what it way, why not just move into the back to accommodate her? It would have been no skin off your nose.

i agree with PP there is something festering in the back ground between you two. Is she overbearing all the time?

Same here. Must be a generational thing to always offer the front seat to someone older.
Still gave mil no right to speak like that though. Sounds like as others have said though there is more to it.

I agree.

Personally, I would rather my DC saw a good example of how to be compassionate and kind if the grandparents are normally human beings with flaws but obviously not abusive.

Usually it's because she wants to sit next to her "king" so nobody mistakes who the "queen" is.

Clearly no more lifts for her then .

Apparently it was the view. 😀

Ah this makes things clearer - she's just ultra possessive of her "boy". It's not you she dislikes - it would be anyone who "took him away from her".

That's why she wanted the front seat - so she can pretend she's the Leading Lady in life.

Her jealousy is bordering on the incestuous - tell her that and enjoy the fireworks 😆

She's 64, not 84.

Maybe in this case, but I would naturally have offered my mother or any older woman the front seat. They sometimes decline anyway.

What age?

Yes that is the norm for us, too.

Depends if she genuinely 'expressed a preference' or said 'oi @Frontseat get out, that's my seat' or something along those lines.

we kind of assume she's older than the OP, OP being married to her son and all.

Technically she might be the same age or younger than the OP, but I'll take a bet she isn't 😂

She sounds awful. I wonder if you were driving and your dh was in the front would she expect him to move.

The way she spoke to you was out of order as is the way that she treats you in general.

However I do automatically let anyone older than me sit in the front.

Ooh, my grandma was like that with my mum, she went out of her way to be difficult the moment my parents got engaged. You have my sympathies, MIL from hell. It doesn't get any better, it gets worse imo.

This is a class thing. Well brought up people have manners and would defer to an older person as a mark of respect.
Nothing to do with physical needs or anything like that. You’ve either got it or you haven’t.

Well I'm older than the MIL and would be rather amused /offended if someone insisted I take the front seat as I'm older!!!!

Pack that shit in please!!

True. OP’s response to her would hardly have passed the Mitford Test either so it would be interesting to know how they usually communicate with each other.

Dulcet tones or knuckle dusters?

Well, calling the DIL a bitch is certainly without class.

I suspect that these are just cultural differences. Obviously I agree with you on how things should be, with mutual support going both ways. But its easy to say how things should be when everyone is behaving as they should. The difficulties come when things go wrong; that's when lines are drawn and sides are chosen

The OP's latest update shows that the MIL has been hostile from the start. "She was very cold towards me initially and kept saying he shouldn’t rush things (he was still living at home). She said I stole him from her when he moved out in a semi jokey way!
She finds huge fault with my cooking if she ever comes round for a meal, if we go to hers and I offer to help she will say ‘washing up duties only for you ! We don’t want the meat/veg/sauce/dessert ruined!’
She HATES it that I work and constantly says it’s not good for the dc."

In this case, in my world, the husband needs to stick up for his wife and choose her over and above his mother, and not be acting on the basis that he may have to leave his wife at some point and go crawling back to mum. He needs to be a grown man. Otherwise, if the marriage fails it will probably be because his wife has never felt that she was his priority

Even if it’s generally considered normal/polite/the done thing to let an older person sit in the front, it doesn’t mean that said older person can rudely demand it.

Honestly, in my world, you just wouldn't want to get with someone who doesn't gel with your family. Some people learn that too late.