AIBU to refuse the back seat when giving my MIL a lift?

[Frontseat]

MIL expects lifts . Fair enough dh obliges.

Sometimes I’m with him as while she’s in an appt we get other jobs done/shopping etc

Turned up today and she ordered me into the back seat ! I said no - if you want a lift get in if not book an uber.
The seats are on the same level, just as accessible and the same leg room ( im petite so have the seat pulled forward so back seat has lots of space).
She went mad started shouting at me ! To have some respect and move. Called me a ‘rude disrespectful little bitch’.

Dh has then told her to sort out a taxi he’s not having her speak to me that way.

She has phoned repeatedly (we ignored)
Shes messaged to say she missed her hospital appt because of me !!!

AIBU to think she should have just sat in the back ?!!

I would have offered it to my fil and father too.

my kid give up the front seat to a 25 year old without even thinking about it.
Why on earth would you be offended?

Are you physically allergic to manners?

I don't drive so have no first hand experience of this - is there a 'hierarchy' of seating? Why is giving an older person the front seat a mark of respect? Why is it apparently an insult to expect someone to sit in the back?

The respect was offering her the lift.

You drive, he sits in the passenger seat. Let's see where she wants to sit 😎

(this is how my mum dealt with her MIL...)

I dont do it with my MIL. Used to offer but she always said no.

Goodness. I automatically offered my mother-in-law the front seat and sat in the back. And she thanked me.

The kind of confrontation, and the language that you both used are just beyond my comprehension.

Yeah. I think you and I live in different worlds.

In my world, a parent's duty is to support their child in their choice of partner, even when they don't like him/her. Your job as a parent is to want your child to be happy and if someone makes them happy then it's all good. And then, if it all falls apart, you pick them up, wipe their tears and get them on their feet again.

Of course, older people are not more important, and mil is not more important than OP, so if the mil sees the front seat as more important, that rules out her right to demand it.

It's never rude not to give up the front seat of your own car just because they want it, particularly if you are doing someone a favour and giving them a lift. You always have a perfect right to sit anywhere you like in your own car (or your spouse's car) and this freshly imagined "rule" that it's somehow expected isn't actually relevant as a) it's not a rule at all and b) even if it was expected isn't the same - at all - as required.

And even if it was rude not to offer - and it's not - the person having the favour done for them still shuts their mouth and is polite. Because they are having a favour done for them.

So that's the silly nonsense that it would be rude not to offer it on spec ruled out.

She's only in her 60s, has no health issues that would affect her sitting in the back and the back seats are perfectly comfortable and no different from the front. So that's any need ruled out.

The only reason OP needs for sitting in the front of her car (or her husband's car) is "I want to". So that's every other possible argument ruled out.

That just leaves us with MIL being an obnoxious, entitled, bullying, ill tempered, foul mouthed pos.

Wonderful that your husband stuck up for you. Guess she'd best be getting used to Ubers. She can probably sit in the front in an Uber if she demands it. Bet she doesn't. She just wants to make sure you understand she's further up on the pecking order than you are.

What a shame for her that, in fact, she is not.

Ok. I'm 62. MIL 88. The OPs MIL is 64. So you'd want me to go into the back and a woman my age to get the front?

It's weird isn't it, although it is a thing. Although, if you're getting a cab (or you're fortunate enough to have a chauffeur-driven car), no-one wants to sit in the front.

Um. Did you see the part where OP was 'ordered' into the back seat of her own car, and then called a 'disrespectful little bitch'? Why does she have to be nicer?

I'm thinking the knuckle dusters may be more likely..

I always offer the front seat to an adult guest that we're offering a lift to. Especially a woman from an older generation. It's just polite. I am also short so the seat's pulled forward.

Your MIL did sound rude to demand the seat change. You sounded rude in reply. And then the MIL went super epic rude so you did the right thing to stop engaging with her.

You don't come out of this smelling like roses though.

If someone ordered me into the back seat of my car, I wouldn't bother speaking to them particularly nicely.
The MIL lost any potential sympathy from me with her 'expecting lifts' anyway.
YANBU, OP. And her comments about you stealing DH, working, and how your cooking would 'ruin’ meals?
She's a rude cunt and personally I wouldn't have anything to do with her.

It’s true that I can be a bit short with her but that’s from years of her being rude and off and passive aggressive. Now I’ve hit perimenopause I have less patience. That being said I have never and would never swear at her or call her a bitch.

100%.

It's the parents job to support, not make the DIL's life shit.
My own parents suffered at the hands of dad's mum. When their son (my brother) married someone they couldn't stand, they would never had been rude to her or made her feel unwelcome, it was his choice after all.

I think it would depend on the size of the car and the person you are giving a lift to.
We recently gave my DS a lift somewhere, and I sat in the back, because he is very large, and frankly getting in the back required a lot of effort for me.
The thing is, I remember visiting an elderly relative, and he literally could not get in the car (for a drive). So sometimes the front seat may be better.
However, I would never speak to anyone like that and would never expect the front seat etc.

So you are the one there between partners?

Yes this. I'd also offer any guest the front seat and especially an older person. But her response is pretty terrible.

I would have moved to the back seat without being asked to anyway. Especially someone elderly with mobility issues. I have been in my sisters car with my brother in law’s mum. I would never have expected that lovely lady to get in the back seat.

If you had been driving would she have ordered your DH to go in the back? I bet she wouldn't have!

@nomasno im not, but I would never speak to my MIL in that way, I dont agree with the MIL either but I dont think either have behaved well.

I always offer the front seat to older people.

The other side of it of course is to not offer is like a silent insult to someone who was brought up this way.