AIBU to refuse the back seat when giving my MIL a lift?

[Frontseat]

MIL expects lifts . Fair enough dh obliges.

Sometimes I’m with him as while she’s in an appt we get other jobs done/shopping etc

Turned up today and she ordered me into the back seat ! I said no - if you want a lift get in if not book an uber.
The seats are on the same level, just as accessible and the same leg room ( im petite so have the seat pulled forward so back seat has lots of space).
She went mad started shouting at me ! To have some respect and move. Called me a ‘rude disrespectful little bitch’.

Dh has then told her to sort out a taxi he’s not having her speak to me that way.

She has phoned repeatedly (we ignored)
Shes messaged to say she missed her hospital appt because of me !!!

AIBU to think she should have just sat in the back ?!!

This analogy is rubbish though.

For one thing, the MIL in question is not elderly, nor disabled. I should imagine an overwhelming majority of people would give up their seat for someone using a stick, or crutches. Or with clear mobility issues. That is not the case here.

Secondly, there is a perfectly good seat available for the MIL's use. The front seat is not available because it is already occupied and the MIL does not need it, she merely wants it.

Thirdly, we are not talking about public transport here. This is a private car, owned, paid for and driven by one of two individuals who it belongs to. They therefore.get.to choose where to sit in it. If you are being done a favour, you say 'thank you', you don't start chucking your weight around trying to impose conditions on the people doing you that favour.

Respecting your elders means giving up your seat when they don’t have one on public transport, being polite and curious, ensuring they’re okay when they appear distressed, greeting them first when you walk into a room… it doesn’t mean giving them everything they want all the time. She’s already getting a free lift at her whim.

Manners work both ways, and when someone is nice enough to give you a lift, you say thank you, get in the car, and maybe offer them some petrol money. I wouldn’t make my MIL or mother get in the back of my car because it’s a two seater, but even if DH didn’t offer them the front seat they would never kick off and call him a little bitch because they’re not weirdos and they have manners.

You don’t get to be rude to someone just because you’ve got years on them, and a lot of older people use “respect your elders” to mean shut the fuck up and let me treat you like shit.

That’s not what’s happened here, though.

It would be comparable to there being adequate seating available on the bus, but the person asking someone to move anyway, as they wanted to sit in a specific seat that was already occupied.

It’s not acceptable under any circumstances to demand a person move from their seat, because you would prefer to sit there. Not because you need to.

Why are all your posts about violence and assaulting people 😳

So the “you must always offer the front seat” brigade what if you are giving 2 people a lift? Do they sit on each others knee?

No one has yet explained what’s so terrible about the back seat of a car that it’s some sort of terrible slight to be asked to sit in it.

She’s a convicted felon

Because I see this family situation as similarly toxic ie things that never happen in Lexiville

but it shows that’s where your mind goes, to violence.

I actually don’t understand what you mean - are you comparing the OP refusing to move from the seat she was sitting in, simply because her MIL wanted to sit there, to domestic violence?

Every time I’ve received a notification about this thread and come back to it, there is another post from you talking about either your mum slapping the shit out of you, and now you slapping the shit out of your husband.

It’s weird. And really aggressive.

Yes because this type of toxicity is very much common in the backgrounds of the women I was in prison with. Many of whom were indeed locked up for some form of violence. These are stories you'd hear from them about life outside.

What you're actually seeing is me responding to the thousands of posts made about one post that I made and me responding to each of you

But 'manners' aren't a legislative requirement they are a self awareness about your actions, your conduct that you have probably been taught by or observed your parents doing.

I would always offer the front seat to my Mother or MIL or anyone getting a lift from DH but I come from the older generation. After the way she demanded the front seat and was so rude to you she wouldnt get the boot. I understand why if dhe comes from my generation she might think you should have offered the front seat but getting so worked up is just ridiculous.

Your MIL is not being unreasonable to expect a little respect for her age re the front seat. However she should not have spoken to you like that and I’d be telling her to get a taxi next time too.

It’s interesting if as you say the seats are of equal comfort that you should be so adamant about sitting in the front.

She doesn’t have an automatic right to sit in the front but you should have obliged. In addition you were very and should not have spoken to her like that, very disrespectful!!!

But she was already in the front, that seat was taken.

No I didn't know you meant that.

I disagree with you then. The MIL is a twat and OP did nothing wrong IMO.

I stand by my comment. I think having such a small life that one feels the need to compete with one's family members is far more of an old person trait than a younger person trait.

At the end of the day, there is no competition. OP is the man's wife, his top priority, his number one. Any competitive aspect that exists has been created by bad behaviour on the part of a MIL who can't let go of a grown man who has married.

So you think that if a person approached you and spoke to you rudely and with disrespect, as the MIL did to her DIL, you shouldn't respond likewise? Interesting. I guess you're the kind of person I'd never get along with then.

I don't understand why you think an appointment is something that was gatecrashed? OP didn't gatecrash the appointment, she didn't attend the appointment at all.

Her DH was giving his MIL a lift to the hospital and bringing her home again. That's not a social outing, so what's to gatecrash?

OP and DH both had errands to run, why not do that at the same time, during the appointment? You haven't stopped to consider that agreeing to give a lift at all may have been dependant on the fact that the journey wouldn't have been a wasted one if errands could be run at the same time, and had there been no errands to run, the answer to the lift request may have been a no.

Up until the point the MIL was rude to OP for the second time, she could have had that lift regardless of who else was in the car.

She’s only 64! Bloody hell people keep posting like she’s decrepit.

She’s older than op.

And?

Exactly the op has mentioned her peri menopause, she’s probably 40 or 50 ….so mil isn’t that much older.