AIBU to refuse the back seat when giving my MIL a lift?

[Frontseat]

MIL expects lifts . Fair enough dh obliges.

Sometimes I’m with him as while she’s in an appt we get other jobs done/shopping etc

Turned up today and she ordered me into the back seat ! I said no - if you want a lift get in if not book an uber.
The seats are on the same level, just as accessible and the same leg room ( im petite so have the seat pulled forward so back seat has lots of space).
She went mad started shouting at me ! To have some respect and move. Called me a ‘rude disrespectful little bitch’.

Dh has then told her to sort out a taxi he’s not having her speak to me that way.

She has phoned repeatedly (we ignored)
Shes messaged to say she missed her hospital appt because of me !!!

AIBU to think she should have just sat in the back ?!!

You sound as rude as each other tbh . I would offer my mil the front seat , I'm sure she didn't 'order you into the back ' !

Great point, most people refuse the front seat when being chauffeured or on a taxi.

If another man is in the car with MIL, she'd happily go in the back and let the men in front.

Sometimes, it's a power thing, MIL at the front with her son whilst the wife is at the back.

So OP should just accept being called a ‘rude disrespectful little bitch’? Fuck that! OP's MIL is in her early 60s and is under retirement age. Most people are still working at that age and aren't constantly expecting special treatment and whining when they don't get it.

OP's MIL has shot herself in the foot and now she will need to make her own way to her appointments.

Or her son will take his mother alone.

Why don’t you sit in it then?

Your analogy is wrong. I am older than OP's MIL and use the bus all the time as I am past retirement age and have a bus pass. I don't have mobility issues so I would never sit in the seats with a notice that they should be given up to elderly passengers and people with mobility issues. It's very obvious when people get on the bus whether they need to sit in one of these seats or not. They are significantly more elderly than me and they have difficulty walking.

OP's MIL is younger than me and she also has no mobility issues. There is a perfectly comfortable seat in the back of the car and there is no reason at all why OP should move out of the front seat of her own car and sit in the back. OP and her DH were doing her a favour by giving her a lift to her hospital appointment. OP's MIL is obviously ungrateful as well as disgustingly rude. It's obviously a power play thing by MIL but it has backfired spectacularly.

As youre older than me, I'd get up and move anyway so you can have the seat if you want it. If you don't want it, fine, but I won't take it back. That's how many of us have been raised.

Right! And the Op was not the one who called someone a bitch over the whole debacle. The fact she didn’t even have the restraint to hold her tongue, let them take her to a presumably important appointment at hospital and then later call her “rude DIL” names in private to friends or whatever shows how emotional and worked up she was about the seat lol

What’s the latest? Has she apologised yet? I hope your husband insists she does before she gets any more lifts. Many people in their 60s can get a bus or a taxi themselves and there’s no reason to suggest she can’t.

Also her behaviour does not seem one of a rational sensible woman, so personally I’d not be letting her around your kids unsupervised depending on their ages.

She appears to be very reckless because the fact she chose to keep blowing up your phones to make a point instead of just getting a taxi to the hospital. It’s actually disgusting when you consider how long people often wait for appointments.

I agree. It seems MIL asked nicely, hinted at getting a turn in the front seat for the last 3 lifts, which the OP has characterised as passive aggressive:
…the last three times…passively aggressively said she prefers the front after the trips.

Seems she was more direct on the 4th lift and OP decided to say
no - if you want a lift get in if not book an uber

no reason at all why OP should move out of the front seat of her own car and sit in the back.

@Lexibletheflexible
I think MIL just wanted a turn in the front to be able to talk to her son about her many hospital appointments and her health concerns and worries which can’t really be done from the back seat comfortably.

There is no reason why OP couldn’t have taken turns with MIL in the front seat. She’d been in it three times in a row, why wouldn’t it now be MIL’s chance to sit up front and speak to her son?

just getting a taxi to the hospital
Can she afford it? I mean, where I live it is £60 one way to the hospital by taxi.

Presumably she's got a job. She's not retirement age. If she can't afford an uber, maybe she should have exercised some manners.

She may be on SSP or ESA as she apparently has frequent hospital appointments. OP hasn’t answered what her serious health condition is, but it could preclude her from currently working. And even if she has a job, would she be able to afford an extra £500 a month if these 4 hospital trips were in the same month? Not many people could afford it.

On the manners, she did exercise manners for 3 out of 4 trips. The OP started the rudeness and then MIL blew her top. Yes what she said was terrible but we can’t say it was unprovoked and OP a complete innocent. I agree what she said wasn’t rational or sensible, it sounds like MIL may be under a lot of stress. If she has say cancer or kidney failure or losing her vision or something else serious and scary, the lack of compassion from OP with the get an uber dig might have been the last straw.

It doesn’t look as if the OP is coming back now.

Common sense 👏 👏👏.

Ok you were raised to give up a seat based on age - I, and many others, would find that rude. You don’t care about my feelings being labelled old you only care about your sense of being polite - that’s actually really rude!
I would give up a seat based on perceived need, someone a lot younger than me might look like they were struggling and I’d be happy to stand or sit in the back.
What is clear is that there is room for debate on this issue, it isn’t clear cut as there are arguments on both sides, this being the case, when someone is doing you a favour calling your DiL a “bitch” is unarguably extortionately rude.

Sure it doesn't mean you dont get up for someone younger and in need, you just always get up for someone older. It's basic etiquette.

For you. You think it’s basic etiquette. It makes YOU feel better. Some posters agree lots don’t. It is not like saying thankyou. Many posters have said they disagree with you, your refusal to listen could be seen as rude.
The point on this thread is it is not clear cut, it is not outrageously rude like calling someone a “bitch”. There clealy is ambigiuy which is why there is a discussion.