AIBU to be worried by outdated children’s books being read to our preschooler?

[Dirtymirrors]

Name changed for this. I'm feeling uncomfortable with things but am in a slightly sensitive situation and I don't want to make it harder than it needs to be.

My DH recently lost his mother and only lost his father a few years ago. He has brought a lot of books and other things from the family home to ours which he wants to keep. I am trying not to mind most of it. The problem is the children's books. Which he is now reading to our preschool child. They are very dated and the portrayal of other cultures is stereotypes and insensitive. This ranges from the mildly offensive such as Rupert to some really horrendous caricatures in books from the 50's.

Do I say anything? I want my DD to grow up with a good understanding of different cultures and norms not stereotypes and racism. I don't want to make anything harder on my DH though.

Just to be clear DH is not racist he just thinks that the atmosphere we create will have far more influence than the books. He also does discuss why certain themes and pictures are wrong with DD.

YABU = the books are harmless don't be so worried.

YANBU = I would not be comfortable with this either.

It's not from the 50s though, it's from the 1840s and also the story that people talk about being racist in that book was actually intended to be anti-racist by punishing white boys who bullied a black boy and teaching that bullying people for their skin colour is wrong.

I'd hide away the worst ones.
As my children currently can't read, I quite often amend words or little bits of a story if I don't like the content. Or, I add bits to include a message I'm trying to teach. Like 'Pete brushes his hair and his teeth every morning'. Obviously if there's racist illustrations that's harder, but perhaps gives you a way to allow some of the books to be read without using offensive language.
I am in my 30s and Enid Blyton was banned for me as a child, because of what my mother felt was unnecessary violence. Children being smacked, hitting each other etc. This was a response to her own childhood which contained an awfully excessive amount of physical punishment, so she absolutely refused to allow anything that might condone it.

Considering that you can now buy 'children's books' now with titles such as

• She's my dad
• He's my mum
• What are your words - a story about pronouns
• I'm not a girl
• Jacob's transition goals
• Once a girl, always a boy

etc.

I think that we will find older = worse and newer = better should perhaps be challenged?

At least most books from past decades were honest to their times and not deliberately pushing a false agenda to influence children, and while we don't have to agree now with attitudes and beliefs from then, it would be wrong to pretend they never happened...

Today's book market is far more bereft of good stories - it is hard for some good authors to reach an audience - yet if you are a well known name (David Walliams books were 40% of his publisher's sales!) or selling a fashionable belief system such as the books above - then you will be published...

go back to the periods we are discussing and mainly the quality of the story spoke through...

none of the above is to say that some values which were of their time should continue - but the OP's husband is explaining and that is a great approach

• good stories
• awareness of how things used to be
• sensitive understanding of why now is different

it is difficult for children to understand why equality in how we treat people is important unless they also understand that other approaches have existed and in some cases still do - they need to be aware of it to be be given the understanding of which way to choose... You can only understand good in the world by acknowledging the bad - to pretend that it doesn't exist means the child has no structure to fight against it / see it as wrong when they eventually encounter it.

Presumably these are the books your DH had read to him when he was a child, and as you say he didn't turn out to be racist. Assume he is a decent type of person?

Leave it be, you also said that he is explaining things as well. Stop looking for problems.

This has to be a wind up?

You are overthinking this OP. For your husband its nostalgia and wanting his kids to have the hopefully same rosy feeling and memories he had from reading those books - that's love.

Kids who read at that age are very unlikely to pick up on the context that we as adults would. A three-year-old is far more interested in the adventure, bear, dragon or pirate than in any subtle social assumptions, so it doesn't matter

I think if they read them intermingled with more modern stories then its actually a good thing. I prefer to look at it and say "this was written in a different time", what can we learn from it, and what has changed since then?

Even Thomas the Tank Engine had a Fat Controller for years which is not exactly PC and now he is called Sir Topham Hatt. Then we tell the child "They used to call him the Fat Controller when these stories were written, but nowadays we'd usually call him Sir Topham Hatt because it's kinder not to label people by their appearance". Kids need to learn how times have changed to understand historical struggles and what still needs to be addressed.

I would have far more of a problem with some of the books listed akkakk above.

Also, Gen Z is the first generation with a lower IQ than the generation before it. Everything is dumbing down. And despite offensive words in children's books having been banned for at least 25 years, there are plenty of racist and misogynistic teens and young people coming through the ranks. So the plan of only letting them read about rainbows and fairies and people being nice to each other isn't even working.

This is ridiculous. The "woke gone mad" people deliberately choose miss the fact that there was some genuinely offensive literature.

My grandparents used to read me Little Black Sambo, which is grossly offensive. Quite rightly, no one reads that to their kids today.

People are being ridiculous about Meg and Mog, there was nothing racist or perjorative about that, but that doesn't mean that some attitudes in historical children's literature weren't offensive.

There is a happy medium.

To be fair he was literally white washed 🤣

I don't agree that reading a book implicitly condones it. Reading Tom Sawyer doesn't mean you support slavery. Reading the Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe doesn't necessarily make you a Christian.

Maybe Mrcollinswave meant the 1850s! The actual Struwwelpeter story is fine if you don't mind your child having his thumbs cut off with scissors because he doesn't take enough care of himself.

The punishments in the other stories are a little OTT,considering the stories were originally written for a 3 year old.

Rupert is definitely less nightmare inducing.

I am wondering if people have read most of what I wrote or are just replying on instinct. I agree there is a middle ground.

Characters called Ming and Ping in Meg and the Dragon?

I don't love the writing in Meg's Mummy either. It feels a bit can't speak English but they sound a bit thick/grunty....

someone PLEASE tell me what's wrong with Meg and Mog! Google says nothing is.

Can I ask why Ming and Ping are considered racist? They are names that are used in China. It reminds me of all the outrage about JK Rowling calling a character Cho Chang, when that is a name that thousands of people have. Would people prefer it if anyone from an ethnic minority is called a Western name like David or Susan?

Julian is a Mermaid.
Far better than Rupert.

Just to respond to a bunch of people. I am trying to keep up but getting far more, and far more extreme, reactions than I expected.

I am not talking about Enid Blyton. I have always intended to read original to my child when they are an appropriate age.

I am talking about a young preschool child and books with massively offensive language and pictures.

Of course there is a range. Some of the books are good. Some of the books I have no problem at all with. Some of the books I feel can be discussed and worked with. A small proportion I have a real issue with.

I do not believe this is wokism or if it is then I am fine being woke. No where have I suggested binning or banning books. I have started a discussion about ages that different things are appropriate and trying to balance that with family considerations.

Im 53 and remember them as very popular
I tried reading tthe faraway tree a couple of years ago
Which i loved as a child and its really not great.

while I do think that it creates really great discussion points etc if there’s a lot of them all at once it may well be a bit overwhelming. and a preschooler might only be able to process one or two conversations.

so perhaps compromise with DH that he read one book followed by a few more modern ‘safe’ ones. Let her digest them little by little? Questions may come out some days or weeks later so it helps to give space before bombarding her with another one.

And you are of course OK to say that there are some things you outright refuse to read at all - or until she’s much older and can understand them in context. You do get to have your boundaries. Hopefully DH and you can talk about that together.

Its absolutely up to the individual. You do you. And everyone else will do what they feel appropriate. Most of the classics are full of outdated stuff. Particularly in relation to mysogyny and rich vs poor. But i have no desire to see our classics got rid.of, leaving us with bland boring books we have today.

When my kids were young I read them some of my favourite Enid Blyton books from when I was a child. I realised some of it wasn’t in keeping with more modern values so I paraphrased the bits I thought were a bit off. Can he not do the same?

Thank you to those people who have been engaging with a sensible discussion.

DH is very open to discussion most of the time. I am sure we can talk this through. I suppose what I was trying to do with this thread was work out for myself where my boundaries are as I know this is a hard time and I don't want to make it harder.

I think your right it is about the volume of new, to her, books and allowing her to get used to the issues slowly.

Unless your child is only exposed to literature and media from the 1940s/50s then it will be vastly diluted by all the modern literature, art, cartoons etc they're exposed to. But I also wouldn't want anything openly sexist or racist.

I mean if there was something with the N word or other racist insults, 'gollywog' style drawings etc then that would go in the bin definitely. And I'd be pretty unhappy with whoever bought them. If they were still alive!