AIBU for feeling awful after trying to get pregnant without DH's consent?

[PaperKingfisher]

I’ve done something really bad. I’ve name changed for this and I feel absolutely horrible about it.

My DH has always been against a second child, since we had our first and he was really hard work & intense.

I’m desperate for another and so many people I know are having babies at the moment, it’s like a biological urge. Particularly strong at the moment as I’m ovulating.

My DH won’t have sex with me without a condom. Which I hate as it is.

Now this is the part I feel I need to share as I can’t tell anyone else. After we’d ‘finished’ I took the condom from the bathroom bin and you can imagine the rest…
Yes it was hugely impulsive and wrong and I know I’m the worst person. I’m just so desperate for another baby and every time I see my DS I’m so sad he won’t have a sibling.

I very much doubt this method will get me pregnant, but I just don’t know what to do, I’m so depressed and jealous of my friends. My DH won’t change his mind. In this sense it would be ‘accidental’.
I’m so frustrated and angry that he gets the final say in this and I only get one life, I’m already late 30s so time is running out for me.

Yes, men should understand that any time they have sex the woman could get pregnant, and then they have no say over what happens. Because that is the case.

Not only is it utterly morally wrong, it sounds like if you do get pregnant your DH will want you to abort which you wouldn't be able to do which means he could leave and you've broken your marriage and deprived your existing child of a nuclear family together. You'd have two children but no husband. If he ever found out what you did you'd again be in the same position and likely without even getting a second child. So just single with one child. How is that even worth the risk?

Nonsense. That only gets said for men who appear to believe that their desire not to have a child acts as a contraceptive, or who think that pulling out sufficiently indicates their preference. The OP's husband is using a condom every time they have sex. It's not 100% effective, no, but, used properly, it's 98%.

I have to consent to all sorts of organisation's data privacy policies. If they violate those, I have not been raped.

Rape is specific word refering to a specific act. It is not a word that applies generally to all incidents of consent not being obtained.

She doesn’t have to have a life with just one child. She could leave and have another! And yes, it is that simple. If he only wants one that’s the end of it.

So because some other men are shit, this man deserves to be deceived by his wife?

It's theft in the UK. Just because someone has discarded something doesn't mean they have given up rights to it.

Ah well as long as generations previously have done it, we should be able to do it back to balance it out. Will we do the same for all atrocities that have happened in the past…slavery for example?

What the OP did was wrong in every way but nothing like rape and it’s disgusting to compare them.

OP you need to talk with your husband about this. And I’d consider counselling. Perhaps for the two of you.

It isn't doing it back though.

You have to be kidding?!

98% is not that great when you are married and presumably having sex regularly though, is it?

And the ' if used properly' caveat is pretty huge.

Oh dear.

So will this apply to all things…are people never able to change their mind? Remove consent, like new things?

Right, so she's stolen then, not raped.

I'm being a bit facetious, but I don't really care about this man in the great scheme of things.

You literally said that because women had been forced into childbirth in the past (among other things you listed) that makes it ok…🤷‍♀️

In reality a lot of men don’t want more kids and an ‘oops’ is what happens and then they come around. I saw it all around me for years. They often would never have planned more. But when the baby arrived they were besotted (there’s a reason pregnancy is 9 mths!). This isn’t a popular view but it’s a realistic one. Women have that burgeoning all consuming desire. Men don’t.

This thread is going to go in the record books for fastest to 1000 comments isn’t it 🙄

The OP knows that what she did was wrong. Does that make her a Pick Me too?

Anyone else sick of that horribly misogynistic term?

He's not being forced into childbirth, so it's not really doing it back, is it? It's doing something else that's shitty, but definitely less shitty.

Same here ;)

Agreed. I don't think some on this thread understand the definition of rape.

Pregnancy isn’t 9 months to allow people to get round to the idea 🙄 and an oops baby (like mine) is very different from a stolen dna baby.