AIBU for feeling awful after trying to get pregnant without DH's consent?

[PaperKingfisher]

I’ve done something really bad. I’ve name changed for this and I feel absolutely horrible about it.

My DH has always been against a second child, since we had our first and he was really hard work & intense.

I’m desperate for another and so many people I know are having babies at the moment, it’s like a biological urge. Particularly strong at the moment as I’m ovulating.

My DH won’t have sex with me without a condom. Which I hate as it is.

Now this is the part I feel I need to share as I can’t tell anyone else. After we’d ‘finished’ I took the condom from the bathroom bin and you can imagine the rest…
Yes it was hugely impulsive and wrong and I know I’m the worst person. I’m just so desperate for another baby and every time I see my DS I’m so sad he won’t have a sibling.

I very much doubt this method will get me pregnant, but I just don’t know what to do, I’m so depressed and jealous of my friends. My DH won’t change his mind. In this sense it would be ‘accidental’.
I’m so frustrated and angry that he gets the final say in this and I only get one life, I’m already late 30s so time is running out for me.

It’s very similar to stealthing - when a man removes or damages a condom without a partner's knowledge or agreement.

This is all about consent. According to the law, consent is given specifically under the condition that protection is used. When that condition is secretly broken, the consent no longer applies. Consent works both ways. In England and Wales, the act of removing or tampering with a condom can be prosecuted as rape because the deception invalidates consent. How is what OP did any different ?

Thirded. She shouldn't have done it, but I find it difficult to get worked up on behalf of a man.

‘Stolen DNA baby’. lol. 😂

Speak to rape victims. This is nothing like the trauma those poor victims go through. Please don't try and compare it.

Childbirth is the easier of the two if we are comparing it being financially and emotionally responsible for another human being though isn’t it.

I would rather be forced to give birth than to raise a child I didn’t want

So it wasn’t done on impulse as you said in your first post? You had this planned and the syringe at the ready.

Debate me, but don’t laugh at me, we are grown adults, act that way.

Do you at least care about the child (might be a girl...) who will be brought into the world unwanted and quite likely rejected by her father? Do you want her to go through a lifetime questionning why her father walked away from her? Why she wasn't good enough for her father to stay and love her? Or maybe her mother will tell her the truth she was conceived when she rummaged through the bin and squirted some old semen up her vagina and deceived her father into being an unwitting parent?

It didn't happen during sexual activity, and it didn't involve his body. I'd say those two things are pretty essential when it comes to rape.

Nah. I literally didn't. Try rereading.

This is all about consent. According to the law, consent is given specifically under the condition that protection is used. When that condition is secretly broken, the consent no longer applies. Consent works both ways. In England and Wales, the act of removing or tampering with a condom can be prosecuted as rape because the deception invalidates consent. How is what OP did any different ?

You did, I’ve just paraphrased not quoted. Try rereading

Angela Ermakova 2.0?

I just can’t debate against that. It’s just so dramatic and ridiculous to me. I find it hard to believe that even you believe this.

Hilarious. The risk of death or life altering damage, as well as the unavoidable usage of one's body for 9 months, is definitely soooo much easier 🙄 I think I found the man.

Actually it does read very like that’s what you’re saying.

Again with the condescension, I don’t believe that any person believes it is ok to deceive someone into having a child with them. Where is the line drawn? Can I steal a used condom from the bin of my favourite athlete?

It's about consensual sexual intercourse. Not rape.

Then you'll be relieved to know men walk away from the raising of the children they've consensually created constantly.

My cousin is the baby in this scenario OP. A bit different, her mum stopped taking her pill but told her dad she was still on contraception. Eventually her mum who felt terribly guilty over it all told her dad (who had been clear he didn't want children) and he left the marriage. My cousin found out as an adult, it's had an awful affect on her self-esteem and relationship with both her parents. In your set up, your potential baby may have to deal with he fact dad wanted older sibling but not them. I think you also have to think about the affects of your actions on a potential child.

But that’s exactly what it is. OP stole his sperm. Given that he was clear he didn’t want another child, do you think if OP had asked him for permission to do what she did he would have consented ?

"lol" is not an argument. Your posts on this thread are appalling.

Here we go again, someone doesn’t agree so they must be a man.

I birthed my son, bit of pain for a while, then raised him for 18 years. That 18 years has caused me
more pain, suffering, mental struggles, than the childbirth ever did. Yes it has come with joy, because I loved and wanted him, but nobody will every be able to tell me that childbirth was harder than raising another human for 18 years, because it isn’t.

But yeah good spot, you found the man 🙄

A child should be a joint decision. 🤷‍♀️

Which still doesn’t excuse what OP did.