AIBU to tell my daughter to report a flatmate's mother?

[Boxingshibes]

Dd went to university a couple of weeks ago. She is setting in well and likes her flatmates.
Unfortunately there seems to be a problem with one of them. She is an international student and her mum came over to help settle her in, all fine.
BUT
The mum is still there, sleeping in the same room as the daughter.
The rest of them are getting increasingly annoyed as she's just there and as she doesn't speak any English it's difficult to ask what her plans are.
When dd moved in her contract said that she wasn't allowed any overnight guests to stay more than 2 consecutive nights.
Its been 2 weeks!
I've told them to go to student housing/ welfare and say something. Maybe they can do something?
Surely at the very least it's a safety issue if there was a fire or something as this woman isn't supposed to be there?
The rest of them dont want to get this girl and her mum into trouble but if the mums visa runs out surely that's worse?
I know I can't do anything but how do I get through to dd?

@mumuseli Asia, I think China.
Its an all female flat and all unsuite.

Why are there so many replies insisting that everyone's overreacting and students in uni housing are allowed overnight guests when the OP clearly says in their initial post: When dd moved in her contract said that she wasn't allowed any overnight guests to stay more than 2 consecutive nights. Its been 2 weeks!

The actual housemates could point out the long overstay which has already happened and make sure the daughter and mother have not overlooked the policy. They can tell the daughter that they are worried about getting in trouble. Once they have done that, I would not feel at all guilty for reporting if there is no proposed resolution. The daughter could also ask her mother exactly when she's leaving (as it sounds like she is the only one who can communicate with her mother) and ask her to make sure the mother stops yelling and stops interfering with, e.g., other people's cooking but the bottom line is mum has far overstayed what is reasonable. Mum may want to get the most out of along international trip and she may want to make sure her daughter is settled in, but the housing is there for the uni students and particularly those who sign up and pay for it, and this is inconveniencing them considerably at a time when they should be settling in and getting used to the uni setting so they can focus on study. There are other places for the mother to stay.

And something like this may well not be benign; if in doubt do an online search for 'Larry Ray' and 'Slonim Woods 9' .

She needs to report them straight away! If they (the student and mum, that is, not daughter) get into trouble, so what. It’s beyond a joke now, and time for being kind has ended.

I’d tell them all to report to accommodation office asap as well as reporting constantly to reception. They (or most likely you) are probably paying £250 a week for them to not be able to fully enjoy their accommodation.

Sounds like a new ruse.

More like almost £400!

Absolutely nothing to do with her being foreign - would be exactly the same issue if it were one of the British students and a mum. The point is that the rules allow for visitors for two nights (to allow a friend to come for the weekend, for example) but not to move in on a long term basis. It isn’t fair on the other people in the accommodation to have to share kitchen/bathroom facilities on an ongoing basis with someone else, for a start. And where does it end? Students subletting their floorspace to reduce housing costs? The rules are there for a reason.

The halls will have a warden. They need to report it to them and then the warden should take it further.

It is because you usually sign in so they know you’re on the premises. If you’re staying beyond the permitted two nights then it has to be done without permission so no one would know to look for her in a fire.

Why are people banging on about safeguarding and fire regulations and council tax? All completely irrelevant. This woman is not supposed to be there. She does not live there. She is an intruder and a parasite.

If I turned up at Buckingham Palace and said "I live here now and you can afford it and there's space and I'm not a fire hazard and here's my DBS" it wouldn't matter. It's not my house and I do not live there.

Sounds like they’ll all need to party, loudly, with lots of guests!

Has anyone spoken to the dd without her mum there? You need to let her know that you’ll be reporting her to the accommodation manager if she isn’t out by Wednesday.

I’d raise it myself, just call up tomorrow and report her as living there.

OP, I was in a similar situation over 10 years ago as a student.

As an international student myself, I also shared student accommodation with another international student. This girl was from an Islamic country and from a very strict Muslim family.

While her mother didn’t move herself in and stay the night, she did come and go as she pleased as her daughter gave her a key (to check up on what we were up to), and used our kitchen to cook food while she was there to take home later that night. She barely acknowledged me, avoided eye contact and would not speak to me (apparently her English was not good). I found her extremely rude as she treated me like an unwanted guest in my own home. My roommate told me that her mum didn’t like her living independently and told her it was not appropriate, especially because I was from a different culture to her.

Even on days she was not there in person, her presence was very much know. She would video call her daughter on WhatsApp and ask her to show the shared living room and kitchen on camera. One time, I had 2 friends over and we were sat in the living room. Roommate comes out having a heightened conversation with her mother on WhatsApp video call (don’t know what was being said as it wasn’t in English) and she turned the camera around on me and my 2 friends. The mother’s voice raised in anger. At that point I shouted at my roommate to get her camera out of my face. This is where the living relationship began to suffer.

I will take a guess and say that this mother is also nervous of what her daughter will be getting up to living away from home in a liberated western country. However that is not your daughter’s problem. I don’t have much advice other than report her, and hope this resolves itself soon.

Yanbu.
It's just bloody weird that her mum is still there after two weeks.
Id actually be worried that the intention was for her to stay there for the entire bloody year.
Needs reported.

Tell your dd to get together with the others and report it. An overnight guest might be a friend visiting. Not someone else’s bossy interfering mum who has moved in for the duration!

The student and her mother are taking the piss and they need to be reported.

No one is saying don’t worry about it because it’s not a fire risk

they’re saying don’t go in their ranting about fire risk because it’s not and you’ll sound mental

That is shocking. I have just posted my personal experience of interfering parents in my student accommodation, and I thought that was infuriating enough. I would have raised hell in your daughter’s situation. If the building weren’t prepared to do anything about him I’d have called the police and reported him as an intruder (They probably wouldn’t have legal grounds to remove him but no harm in trying at this point. Police involvement alone could possibly scare him away).

Yes I would report that 100 percent with everything you’ve said. Why should one person be housing an additional non university student in their room to the detriment of all the other paying people. The fact it’s the girls mother is irrelevant. Take that out of the context and replace mother with ‘a strange women who is not enrolled in the university is living in our flat and we don’t know why’. Because that’s what’s happening.

It's 40+ years ago since I was in halls of residence, but I wonder if cleaners are coming in each day as they did back then - surely they'd be aware of how many people are in the student flat?!

Students clean their own rooms and en-suite. Only large flats had weekly clean of communal areas, small flats of 4 shared were entirely student cleaned.

Oh they should report it asap!

I was with the other posters that advised jot to until I read the responses that the girl is evasive about answers and the mum turns off the over and shouts at them. Noone is getting the full uni experience here.

at my uni they had family accommodation, I would say that they DO tell student welfare, they can help the mum and daughter, advise on housing and if this woman is just staying to be overbearing (which I suspect she is) then she can be supported to go home!

The thing is, student accommodation regularly has people staying the night who aren’t meant to be there. It’s just not usually parents.