To be shocked to read on reddit threads discussing andy carrol the many reports of women sexually assaulting men

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To think It was really sad to read so many posts where men detail unwilling sex or waking up to sex acts etc. All saying no one takes this seriously and the impact its had on them.

Is this widely known?

Do we need to be talking about women gaining consent from men more .

Yes I agree with you. Lots of men will go for the one extreme example (like Clancy) and ignore how widespread vawg is in other cases (I think 8 men murdered their families in that 22 day trial, and they were silent about that).
but it does happen and I think patriarchy has a lot to answer for as men don’t get the support they need when it does

Yes and it’s sexualised in our culture like mrs Robinson or porn and it’s beyond wrong

No. But when they wake up the vast majority of men could get the vast majority of women off them.

That doesnt mean its ok to be assaulted, or that its their fault. But it is a fact that men are stronger physically than women and so are very unlikely to be in a position when they are grabbed and physically restrained by a woman and unable to get free.

What they should feel is that it is ok to do what they have to do to get away, that includes grabbing her and pushing her off and it includes punching her if they have to.

Male or female you do as much as it genuinely takes for you to escape a situation and get to help and you should never feel bad for doing that.

Desperate housewives has a joke plot where orson is raped and drugged. Misogyny harms everyone

Oh yes and this idea that males are somehow lucky to be grabbed by a woman needs to go. Thats just disgusting.

So women have to take responsibility for themselves and make sure they don’t wear revealing clothes or drink too much.

And now we have to take responsibility for the tiny minority of women who SA men?

So what are the men doing?

"And now we have to take responsibility for the tiny minority of women who SA men?"

No the tiny minority need to stop assaulting men.

Just like the ( more significant ) minority of men need to stop raping women..

Yes, and all of the attitudes being condemned here eg 'he's a lucky boy' are equally applied to female victims 'she was asking for it'. Sexual assault victims rarely see justice, are often disbelieved, frequently mocked, relentlessly interrogated and questioned, left unsupported and experience long term trauma. This is something that needs to change, and women are already working very hard to change it and have been for years. It's not women who need to do more to challenge this. Women are already doing enough.

Being violent towards a woman is a big line for many men to cross. I'm not sure that a lot of men wouldn't minimise what was going on to avoid having to cross it.

I agree. I think men are embarrassed to admit that a sexual assault has happened to them as "men are always up for it" women support other women with sexual assault men probably less so.

And anyone that thinks drunk women arent predatory have never had to deal with hen parties where male waiters and staff are groped, bums punched , sexual commentary etc it's truly awful !

Agreed. The person I know wasn't prepared to use violence to restrain his wife.

Why is it just me who thinks it’s not that much of an ask to have empathy for sexual abuse victims? Yes men do it more but nobody deserves that. We’re not asking much of anyone just to be understanding. It doesn’t negate what men do to women

I'm wondering if women being SA by men is as empathetically discussed on men's forums and I'm guessing from the Reddit thread absolutely not.

Because some of the men discussing it would be some of the men doing it.

I am sympathetic to ANYONE being SA but let us be real for a moment, men SA women or men is always going to be a far higher figure than women SA men or women.

And I never ever hear men talking about that.

Nobody IS saying that.

We are discussing how on a Reddit thread where a man has been SA by a man yet again women are the ones getting the blame for it.

And that is irrelevant to what Andy Carrol went through.

Attitudes to men being SA are markedly different to women being SA. Just look at the empathy towards men on this very thread.

Women know because most of us have lived it. Yet I don't see anyone questioning if Mr Carrol is lying or asking what he was wearing, or how much alcohol he'd had or if he lead the man on.

Of course absolutely NONE of that is relevant to why he was attacked, that is literally ALL on the attacker who should be named because I bet there are more victims who might come forward.
I worked in the gay village and sexual assaults happened in the toilets of my bar.
Men attacking men and it was fucking awful.

As women we ARE sympathetic and should be, we are just a little weary when it's never reciprocated and we need men to be involved in the mending of that.

"And I never ever hear men talking about that."

Really?

Despite living in a patriarchy in the UK the law against rape is a specific offence targeted at controlling the behaviour of men. Laws are often talked about in house of commons and the Lord's

Anyone in prison for a sexual offence has to be segregated from other offenders for their own safety.

Presumably the retaliation from other men for what they consider a heinous crime is also organised by telepathy then?

Pedophiles are segregated into vulnerable prisoner wings but not 'ordinary' rapists. Yes, rape is against the law but has a miniscule conviction rate and many sexual assaults are never reported or brought to court. Only a tiny fraction of rapists face any kind of justice for their crimes. Prisons are not full of men eager to defend women's rights and punish abusers of women, quite the opposite. And wider society, including the police force and legal profession, has no shortage of men who excuse, minimise and deny rape, sexual harassment and assault and close ranks against women who report.

What was the upshot of all this @Lexibletheflexible ?

When my DS first had his bum slapped nearly all the friends said he "should have just enjoyed it" and that he caused too much hassle.

The club in question took what happened seriously. They searched for the girl on CCTV, found her, forced her to apologise. They gave DS the decision if he wanted to call the police. He said no, said all he wanted was an apology and that was that.

Because girls being stalked is always taken so seriously isn't it? I mean seriously, what the fuck is this attitude? Women have been murdered because no one has taken their harassment seriously FFS, so no, a lot of people would have defended your son and dismissed this girl if it had been the other way around.

How do you know how it would be dealt with if the sexes were reversed? Girls, not women, under 16s are being murdered by boys, for breaking off relationships. In every case there's been stalking/harrasment that's been reported. No-one took action. The amount of women being murdered by stalkers is shocking. There's documentaries on it.
I can remember when the sexual harrasment laws and work policies came into being. A lot of men were up in arms, even a TV presenter said that men couldn't flirt by putting a hand on a colleagues knee etc. How were men supposed to show they are interested if they couldn't put their hands on us etc. Start discussions on street harrasment, men don't want new laws. Likewise filming women on nights out, up skirting, even spiking. Sadly read a news report on a female teacher SA a male pupil and the comments, from men, will include "lucky bastard". As always women have enough to do, this has got to come from men. All we can do is point out when it happens that it isn't a joke, which is more than a lot of men do.

i find it odd that @Lexibletheflexible leaves the incident half finished. What happened? The girl stopped, nothing more, or it spiralled, got dangerous etc ?

An eye for an eye makes the world go blind.
we don’t need to stoop to their levels

No I never hear men discussing how horrific it is that only 2.6% to 2.8% of reported rapes result in prosecution and of those that make it to court only 50% result in a conviction.

And about 95% of rape is never even reported.

And that's men doing the raping.

No I have never heard men discuss it, which is a bit strange, don't you think?

It's almost like it's taken seriously when a girl is the attacker on a boy.

I do hope that if a girl had her bum slapped it would be taken so seriously.

@Jnu

your son had his bum smacked in a club
he found security and explain he’d had his arse smacked
they immediately took him to the office and trawled through cctv with him
they identified the “smacker”
they then sought out the girl and made her apologise to the girl and turned to your son and said they’d call the police if he wished

correct?