To be shocked to read on reddit threads discussing andy carrol the many reports of women sexually assaulting men

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To think It was really sad to read so many posts where men detail unwilling sex or waking up to sex acts etc. All saying no one takes this seriously and the impact its had on them.

Is this widely known?

Do we need to be talking about women gaining consent from men more .

I think it’s hugely positive that men are starting to have conversations about being sexually assaulted- peer support is really important and they need to turn the tide on it.

There is a difference when being assaulted by someone bigger, stronger and more violent than you. A woman assaulted by a man has a significantly higher fear and risk of serious injury, than a man groped by a woman.

All assault is wrong. Assault you are powerless to end is terrifying.

And this is the attitude that needs to stop. Non consensual touch is never okay - except when a man 'gets lucky', apparently

Drunk and over powered, waking up to oral sex by a friend in the group, being pushed to go further than they wanted

I'm sorry to hear that. And people wonder why men aren't having open conversations about it? I know a man who was abused by his wife for years. Now in his 70s he felt too ashamed to seek support and he didn't think he'd be believed.

Yeah, not many women would have the physical capacity to throw the man doing the assaulting out of the house and then knock him unconscious if he put up a fight, would they?

Yes i absolutely agree - womens authenticity is undermined at every turn in SA cases. I have personal experience of this.

We should all do better with consent. From taking rejection graciously to understanding when explicit permission needs to be sought or someone lacks the ability to consent.

Well I'm a bit confused when they have a thread about a man who was sexually assaulted by a man, that they aren't discussing men sexually assaulting men.
Surely that is the problem? They are literally side-sweeping a man's valid lived experience of sexual assault, as are you OP by labouring on how some are deflecting by talking about women sexually assaulting men.

Yes, I agree

Yes absolutely.

And this wont happen if we minimise experiences of non consensual touch, cant find the words to talk to young people about incapacity and consent. Rejection is hard and being persistently pushy is wrong , whatever dirextuon the travel

Patriarchy and rape harms everyone. Men don’t seek help and report because of these attitudes.
its not as widespread as vawg but this is why our rape laws need updating to focus on consent rather than body parts.

I felt it went without saying that male perpetrated sexual assault is heinous.

I am bringing this up as the outpouring of me too in light of this is woman to male SA. Maybe male victims of male rape are not speaking up in thr volumes due to trauma.

Yes one hundred percent agreed

Yes vawg is more likely to involve serious injury. None of this is ok.

There was a small but dramatic situation with my son when he was about 14. He started "going out" with a girl in school, and when he found it all a bit too much amd ended it, she started to try and contact him through various means, heartbroken messages etc. She made accounts, used a burner sim etc because he blocked her.

Anyway, he tried to keep it a secret but wanted to.change his number so we cottoned on something wasnt right, then he told us. We contacted school and they got her parents involved.

It was all very much "she is just a sweet, silly little girl in love" which is true. She isn't a psycho... yet. But I know if my son did that to her, the language would be different. "Stalking" "Harassment" "Obsessive". Rightly! And he would learn that you can't be a creep.

She didn't get that talk. She got "poor girl", "first heartbreak". I can't help thinking that she thinks it's normal for girls/women to behave that way due to the depth of their feelings

Can you provide a source/link to the actual figures?

I think a lot of women would be more willing to help men with this issue if men as a group showed more willingness to help each other. As it is, the only time I seem to see men talk about it is when they’re trying to discredit a woman. I’m not at all surprised to learn that a thread on Reddit about Carroll being assaulted by a man has been hijacked by bad-faith men wanting to make it about women. I wonder how many of them mention the nanny who comforted him in the immediate aftermath, or the partner who is supporting him now that he’s speaking publicly about it? Women do an enormous amount of free emotional labour for men. Being asked to do more, when VAWG is epidemic and young boys are red-pilled into rating the shaggability of their 13-year-old classmates, can understandably feel like a bit of a kick in the teeth.

I think we also need to take on board that for men, arousal does not automatically mean consent or willingness to participate. It can be a reflex response.

Everybody should ask for consent before sexual contact. It isn’t a competition which is worse. Almost all women have been sexually assaulted in a minor way, eg. groping, and this is wrong. The fact that rape is worse doesn’t mean we should accept groping. And in a similar way, just because it’s typically worse when a man sexually assaults a woman, doesn’t mean we should ignore sexual assault from women towards other women, or from men and women towards men.

So …
First I feel it depends on what you call ‘sexual assault’.

If it’s rape and were in the U.K., it can only be done with a penis. So we’re back to men raping other people. And yes it includes other men and it’s not talked about enough.

If you’re talking about sexual assault as in touching someone then yes women probably do that too. Usually because when you’re in bed with someone, waking someone up with sexual gestures is often seen as nice, loving, just normal within a couple (unless stated).
Having a chat about consent should happen and it could be that it is ‘no sexual gesture if one isn’t awake yet’ OR ‘it’s ok to do’

However, I’m personally very wary of Reddit. Just like other platforms like X, you have many bots, people stirring fir the sake if it, extreme views etc… and I would take any talk on there about ‘how hard men lives are, how theyre been assaulted etc…’ with a pinch of salt.

my husband was sexually assaulted in this way (woke up to it) in his early twenties and it has taken a very long time for his relationship with sex to recover.

I don't know what the answer is, because the danger with mens issues being amplified is they end up drowning out women. I do feel massively sorry for him though and others who have experienced this because he just couldn't talk to anyone about it until we met, he knew no one would believe him or have any sympathy for him.

And obviously as women, we know how that feels.

I haven't got any answers.

I am so sorry your husband went through this.

Me neither no answers but it needs talking about.

Thanks, it's still comes up now occasionally and we're in our 40s x

My ds has been SAed by girls at uni. Slapping and pinching his bum in clubs. He's reported them and got them kicked out.

Has your husband considered emdr? This has helped me process SA.

15 years ago I minimised 'date rape' (my own experiences) as not worthy of a trauma label. I was absolutely traumatised.

Times have changed and attitudes have moved on, due to wider cultural conversations.

Im suggesting there's a much greater problem of woman to man SA than we currently discuss

And I think that should change

Good on him.

This should be the immediate response for all men who are SAed in this way