AIBU to worry after DS10 was blocked by several classmates?

[Sprostongreeen]

DS10 has been blocked on WhatsApp by a few of his friend group.

last week he was trying to message one of them and noticed that messages weren’t going through. He then noticed that their photo was missing on their profile. He then noticed this had happened with 3 of them on the class chat. I have one of them as a contact but the photo was still showing on mine).

he has no idea why they have blocked him: I’ve had a look through his messages and he wasn’t doing anything before they blocked him (ie no arguing, being nasty, spamming with nonsense) in fact, there has barely been any online comms for a few weeks between them.

during the holidays he suggested a meet up one night between those friends and they all declined and then apparently discussed it on the class chat, where another classmate called them out and the posts were deleted before DS could see it.

im just fed up of the passive aggressive behavior to my son: it’s not the full group of friends (many aren’t online). I’m concerned about this impacting his confidence or mental health longer term.

any advice as to how to support him

Surely at 10 he shouldn’t be on WhatsApp? Or even have a smartphone? This is why we don’t give phones to primary aged kids. If they’re not online then no one can bully them online.

Simply put 10 year olds are too young to navigate friendships via a phone.

Too young to have a WhatsApp account, situations arise because they’re all too immature to deal with group dynamics and relationships in this way.

I have one very obvious piece of advice - get him off Whatsapp- if he is ten, and not in Y10?

No ten year old should be exposed to this - the potential for bullying/ unpleasantness is very great. I speak as a parent of a DC who when 14 was involved in an online dispute between two groups online that turned unpleasant and school became involved. We got a nasty shock and we put tough restrictions on him for a while while we monitored what he was doing.

Take. The. Phone. Away.

Why's he got a phone at 10?

Schools won't deal with it because they're not allowed at school anymore.

AGED 10? No no no!

he has a smartphone so that he can call us when walking to school.

bullying and exclusion etc happened all the time before smartphones: it’s just now there are additional ways to be mean. When we were kids physical aggression was more common

And yes - remove the phone. Neither of mine had one until they were at high school. No primary school child should have a phone.

Sorry OP, I too feel that at 10 children are to young to be using smart phones. As you point out yourself it can be a contributory factor in storing up mental health problems that can last a lifetime.

Edited after your recent update...
He doesn't, need a smart phone to make a call, no one does, buy him an old school phone.

The obvious advice is to get him off WhatsApp.

There's absolutely no reason a primary school child needs a smartphone, or access to WhatsApp.

WhatsApp for 10 year olds is like Lord of the Flies. No escape from bullying. You’re bringing the bullies, the exclusion, the nastiness into your home. Close the door on it and remove WhatsApp.

Either you trust him to walk to school or you don’t. He doesn’t need a phone for that. He’s too young to have one as evidenced by your concerns. Children can’t cope with what’s app- hell, adults struggle. Take the phone away and gift him his uncomplicated childhood back again.

If he is 10, and not year 10, then he's too young for a smartphone. Too young for WhatsApp and too young to handle the logistics and emotional impact of navigating friendships via a phone.

Just take the phone away from him and tell him to only talk to people in real life.

If there is meaness and unkindness at school then he tells a teacher and school deal with it

Agree with PPs. Issues like this are taking up so much time in schools now. Teachers are dealing with the fall out in class or something that happens at break is continued after school online. No respite from the bullies.

Head teachers are having to speak to parents about inappropriate material accessed by children, sometimes sexual, in KS2.
A Head I know even had to invite upper KS 2 parents in for a talk on online safety as the impact in school was huge.

School need to know what’s happening as it will spill over or started there.

If he absolutely must call you while walking to school, then he can call you on any phone. It doesn't need to be a smartphone.

You can't always prevent bullying and children being unkind, but you can remove the phone. So why wouldn't you?

He does not need a smart phone to call you to say he’s at school. And he does not need any type of phone at that age when he’s at home with you. Talk to him about what us now recognised about the dangers of DC his age having access to the internet and buy him a basic phone which he leaves by the door when he’s home.

Basically, protect him and his childhood. Sounds dramatic, but unfortunately it’s true.

And he doesn't need whatsapp to walk to school. Even if he has a phone, no one else needs to know or have the number.

He can have a Nokia PHONE that makes calls and absolutely does not need a smart phone.

No 10 year olds should have smart phones and they should be banned for under 14s.

Remove the smart phone and get him a brick phones if he genuinely needs one.

For now take a screen shot and inform the teacher of the bullying. This is bullying by exclusion and exactly why it is irresponsible to let your child use WhatsApp.

Honestly get him off WhatsApp
When my ds was y6 he was bullied, victimised and excluded across class group chats it affects him to this day in y10 he's less willing to put him self out there or trust people
His y6 year group were so bad there were multiple assemblies about phone use and WhatsApp and even then police brought in to speak to the year group.
We should have got him off it sooner and absolutely own that mistake.
Roll on the school media ban to protect more children as they just aren't mature enough for it at that age.

Can you enquire with any of them parents about what is going on?
Or I'd mention to teachers to see if they can monitor in school relationships

Get him off Whatsapp, he shouldn't have to deal with or navigate this.

If you feel he needs support in his friendships, get in touch with the parents of his friends to arrange some meet ups. Offer to have them round at yours or take a couple of them somewhere fun. You're lucky that at 10 and still at primary school, he's still just in the age bracket where you can help him sort out his friendship problems.

This is exactly why WhatsApp is not suitable for kids this age and why group chats are not a good idea. I’ve heard so many horror stories from friends who allowed WhatsApp at primary age- they are not mature enough to handle it. Our primary has how banned smartphones on site as things like this were causing so many issues. The secondary where DD has just started has asked parents to think long and hard before getting a smartphone in Y7 and told us that they do not think WhatsApp is appropriate for under 16s.

Get him a Nokia brick phone instead if he needs to call you on the way to and from school.

My children had smartphones by year 6 when they walked to school and also had Whats App to contact us. They were allowed to have individual friends, grandparents etc phone numbers - but no groups. 10 year olds cannot cope with groups. Remove him from any groups and put the phone away when he's not walking to school.

Yes, which is why allowing him access to WhatsApp is a terrible idea- the bullying used to end when we left school for the day, now its in our homes after school as well and you can prevent it but you dont seem to want to 🤷‍♀️

Noone needs a smartphone to call their parents either...

Thanks everyone: I had thought smartphone use was normal at that age. many (not all) of his friends have it and many of my friends kids of the same age have it.

The smart phone is mostly so that I can track him going to school.

I regularly check it and it has a bunch of controls on it.