AIBU to worry after DS10 was blocked by several classmates?

[Sprostongreeen]

DS10 has been blocked on WhatsApp by a few of his friend group.

last week he was trying to message one of them and noticed that messages weren’t going through. He then noticed that their photo was missing on their profile. He then noticed this had happened with 3 of them on the class chat. I have one of them as a contact but the photo was still showing on mine).

he has no idea why they have blocked him: I’ve had a look through his messages and he wasn’t doing anything before they blocked him (ie no arguing, being nasty, spamming with nonsense) in fact, there has barely been any online comms for a few weeks between them.

during the holidays he suggested a meet up one night between those friends and they all declined and then apparently discussed it on the class chat, where another classmate called them out and the posts were deleted before DS could see it.

im just fed up of the passive aggressive behavior to my son: it’s not the full group of friends (many aren’t online). I’m concerned about this impacting his confidence or mental health longer term.

any advice as to how to support him

Honestly OP at this age they’re just too young to navigate WhatsApp. DD is now Y10, but the horror of the Y7 class WhatsApp group will be permanently burnt into my brain. Normal, usually perfectly polite kids become completely feral, ours was buzzing with hundreds of messages at all hours of the day and night, dreadful language, ganging up on people, inappropriate photos and memes. It was awful. Once parents got wind of what was going on (and one mum thankfully posted on the parents group what was happening one evening), they were all removed left the group one by one. They’d matured (a bit) by Y9 and it’s generally OK now in Y10, although still had its moments.

He is a child. He should not even have a smartphone, let alone WhatsApp.

You don’t need to track him. He doesn’t need to call you.

Even if something is “normal” that doesn’t make it safe or healthy for your child, and giving a child a smartphone and social media is incredibly incredibly damaging.

What is the matter with parents these days??? Smart phones for 10 year olds? WhatsApp??? Really?
And we wonder why kids are so messed up these days!!!

My kid is 11 and has a brick phone - lots of his friends have similar. No 10 year old needs a smartphone and what’s app. You’re literally inviting trouble by making these decisions.

Zero kids i know have a phone at 10. 13 is typical age, with masses of controls and checking. Give him a Nokia brick if you must track his movement.

Why do you need to track him going to school, is he unaccompanied? An AirTag would be locatable.

no smart phone needed at 10! They are too immature to handle that.

If he can't get to school without calling you, he needs to be accompanied by an adult. You can't outsource parenting to a phone.

Tracking someone isn't healthy or normal behaviour. It's setting him up for a life of controlling behaviour being normalised.

This is why 10 year olds shouldn’t have smartphones. The social media ban is one of the best things this government could have done

Year 6 is typical for getting a phone, as going to school alone. However, completely not normal to start being on WhatsApp groups. They are just too young to navigate the emotional complexity.

Being able to message parents, grandparents and maybe one friend. Normal and fine.

Being added to class whatsapp groups and messaging classmates, not normal or fine.

He's only 10. He needs help navigating and learning social skills still.

At school there are teachers to do this.

At home, out and about, it's your responsibility.

On a smartphone beaming messages into his home, there is no one to supervise. So just don't let it happen until he's older and can manage it himself

Why on earth are you even allowing your son to use whatsapp. He and you are both experiencing the very reasons why access to social media for youngsters is wrong. For goodness sake take the phone away.

I have a 10 year old and there are about 3 kids in her class with smartphones - it isn’t normal at all.

You shouldn't have to track your child going to school. Either its safe so they walk or it isn't so you walk then.

A smart phone is not the norm and it is now strongly encouraged that parents do NOT give them to under 14s.

My 10 year olds will be getting brick phones for their 11th birthday. They can call and text friends.

How are the kids being with him at school OP? Are they still friendly or are they ignoring him etc? If things are still normal at school I think I’d remove the phone and therefore his access to WhatsApp. He won’t need to wonder why he’s been blocked.

My DS is also 10, turning 11 in a few weeks. He wanted to walk by himself to and from school some days and as we don’t have a house phone so he can get in touch with us when he gets in and we’re not there, we got him a Nokia brick phone. It was £20 and we pay £10 a month for unlimited texts and calls (and most months it’s barely used!). He’s allowed our numbers and his grandmas. I don’t know of any of his friends having a phone at all, let alone a smart phone. I wouldn’t trust any of them to be on WhatsApp tbh, and my son is probably the most mature out of his friendship group.

I’d say you really just need to take it away from him and explain this proves why they’re all too young to have it.

Also, just to add, please don’t let him use a phone during the walk to school. Firstly, they get distracted crossing roads, secondly, we had an awful spate of young kids getting mugged for their phones - one Y8 was threatened with a knife. The teen son of my then childminder was mugged for his phone, then beaten up in an alleyway until he handed over passcodes etc so they could empty his bank accounts.

You dont need a smart phone to make phone calls. Yes bullying took place but I think this can do more harm. Why are the government going to ban social media for under 16s? Why do schools not allow phones in school. You sound like you are actively putting your son in this situation by being so defensive about why you allow him to access these apps on his phone. Be a proper parent and remove the smart phone.

Your child would be safer, happier and healthier by walking to and from school without any access to a smartphone.

It might be the norm for that age, but the norm for childhood at the minute is high levels of poor mental health with a prevalence of anxiety and depression that has a strong correlation with smartphone usage. You’re starting to see why.

Even Facebook execs on the whole try to keep their kids off any form of social media until 14 because they know how dangerous their creations are.

You might want to read The Anxious Generation before deciding what to do about phone access, so at least then you have some further insight into the real life studies of childhood smartphone usage. It’s terrifying.

Yep, sorry OP but this thread is a perfect example of why ten years olds shouldn’t have smartphones.

Online bullying is easier than f2f - the keyboard warrior effect

he’s being bullied

how it affects his confidence and mental health long term is a bit up to you

be open - yes some people you think are friends turn out not to be and that hurts. It’s a reflection on them not you though. You will find your friends for life somewhere and sometime. Can you remember when it’s happened to you ? Share experience. But mostly be not too invested - yes it happens - we move on

Replace the smartphone with a basic phone for calls only. Yes bullying has always happened but smartphones bring it into the home so there is no escape.

@Sprostongreeen I am surprised at the number of people saying smartphones are not normal at this age. They are in my experience. The anti-social media discussion is separate to the fact that in this day and age it is pretty much obligatory to have a phone when out and about - in our day there were pay phones and other infrastructure but that no longer exists.

anyway, obviously WhatsApp is awful and it sounds like the kids are not able to handle it well. Can you talk to the parents and the school? (Personally, I believe we need to help our children navigate these situations rather than ban them completely and then expect them to go it alone at age 16.)

your son is experiencing bullying and if there is an all class WhatsApp then the school must be aware and should have a policy to deal with it.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Why on earth do 10 year olds have smartphones?

Also to other posters - I completely understand your point around smartphones but a lot of people saying ‘your kid shouldn’t have a phone’ isn’t going to help the op or her son.

When we were kids unkindness at school did not permeate every second of home life too.. do you take it off him in the evening and weekends? If not, you should. Take the decisions away from him. He’s too young.

Give him a dumb phone and air tag. A smart phone is not the only option.

YABU because he's 10, he should not be on WhatsApp this is so dangerous and toxic. There must be a way to facilitate him having a phone to communicate with you without him being on WhatsApp