To be suprised schools still do French exchanges ?what with the safeguard risks

[WhatTheCatHeard]

So my child is disappointed
that we don’t want them to go int he French exchange, which woudl
be basically our child living with another random family for a week…
then returning the favour

seems a bit too much of a risk for me
but im
suprised it’s even really allowed these days

Do children get left alone in a house with a family member at a family reunion?

Teachers weren't around when they were in the home of the family.

I've read so many threads on here over the years where loads of people have said they don't let their kids do sleepovers at friends' houses in case of abuse. Now within reason I've been fine with sleepovers because they tend to stay with their friend in the same room. An exchange is one child going to a strange family home on their own.

When I was 15, I was waved off on the boat train at Victoria. Ferry Dover to Calais. Calais to Charleville Mezieres, where I had to change trains. I’d missed my connection as the train from Calais was late, and rocked up in Colmar where my pen pal and her Dad - whom I had never met before - met me at 0100. Stayed for six weeks and went to school with her and repeated it the following year. Had a great time! Also did a German exchange for two weeks, which involved a lot of alcohol.

DD2 did a French exchange 10 years ago. I don’t recall us having to have a DBS check.

Yes, I often used to leave my kids with my uncle before meeting up with the rest of the family.

How amazing that the school still provides such an experience! Yes, most local authorities have stopped proper exchanges on safeguarding grounds, whilst still allowing children to cross roads and go to parties, activities which are responsible for many more harmful experiences than cultural exchanges ever caused.
I’m biased towards my experience, of course- when I was 15 and mediocre at French, my family organised a private exchange. I went to stay with a family, my pen friend came to us, and that’s how I ended up so fluent I thought and dreamed in French at 16. I organised my own visit next year, also sorting my own exchange in Germany, studied at university and teach languages today. I love the exploration of languages, it made me as a person, and I’d never be without it.

I think it depends on the age. 12 vs 16 is a very different proposition. I think people are being a bit obtuse suggesting it is snowflakery to be concerned about younger children going to stay with adults you don’t know for a week. The dangers are being sexually assaulted not having to drink sparkling water. I had this happen to me at a sleepover aged 11. My friends dad would have passed a DBS check.

Well obviously. But my teens could have contacted them if they were uncomfortable, and they were nearby.

This wasn’t an exchange, but back in 2002 when I was sixteen, I spent a week living with a French host family. It was a bizarre situation, because between the time they’d applied and the time I arrived, the parents had separated, and the eighteen-year-old daughter was the only one who was invested in showing me the city, asking about where I was from, et cetera.

Her mother and her mother’s boyfriend were so tuned out of the whole thing that they forgot to return me. I couldn’t remember whether I was supposed to leave on Friday or Saturday, I was too embarrassed to let them know that I couldn’t remember the day, and the guy in charge of the program showed up in the middle of the day on Friday to get me and drive me to Paris, everyone else from my school having already left. I only got to say goodbye to the one person who was home, and I accidentally left my psych meds in the bathroom and didn’t get them back for three days.

And even though it was an absolutely crazy situation that I wouldn’t repeat, I still have all sorts of stories about that week that I love telling. (Example: the fifteen-year-old daughter took me to meet her friends, who were graffiti artists and spent all day smoking in a garage and planning their graffiti.) Was it an ideal situation? No, but it taught me that I could survive a week of living with weird people whose language I didn’t speak fluently. It was an adventure.

I can understand not wanting a younger child to do an exchange, but I think if it’s an older teenager, the benefits outweigh the risks.

Of course it's always been a thing I was sexually abused by my grandmother husband when I was 8. That was in the 70s.

My french exchange partner was an utter bellend who also had sports clubs in the evenings and all day Saturday. No one else in the family spoke English. We went to a hypermarche, a pizza place and a very long Catholic church service. I got very drunk at a disco. It was a shit experience. And Lille isn't worth visiting either.

my daughter went on one in year 10 and said it was absolutely the best trip she ever went on. She loved it. She came back with loads of stories about the long dinners with numerous courses, the lovely local village they walked around, the family dog, the allotment outside where her exchange friends parents explained what everything was in broken English. There was one moment where the exchange friends older brother, who had recently passed his test, took them all out and she heard the parents shouting in stressed French as he was all over the place (!!) but that was the only dodgy thing that happened. She said she got a really good taste of what it’s like to live in a French family and she often talks about how amazing it was.

I think there is still an element of risk attached.Quite how much your French improves by staying a week with a provincial family is a moot point really. ATM safeguarding is most important as it should be .Once in a foreign country away from your family, how many teenagers would feel comfortable calling for help? Maybe best to consign these trips to the history books!

Honestly, I feel for so many young people. The helicoptering of their parents, and the inability to assess risk is making their lives so much less rich. The safest thing is to never let your children leave the house. But how is that healthy, especially as they reach teen years? We have to allow an element of risk in order for life to be lived. Before Mumsnet, I thought I was at the cautious end of the spectrum. But k am clearly now. My kids had sleepovers from when they were young and many happy memories from those times. They also gained a lot from the French exchanges they went on.

Modern kids are so much crap thrown at them via the Internet and social media. They need to be having real life positive experiences. Ofc things can go wrong. But we are more vigilant these days, and kids have phones. A sensible 14y old with a supportive family is more likely than not to stay safe on an exchange; they aren’t 4y old.

And I don’t know about other schools, but for me in the 80s and my kids six years ago, all the exchange kids from both countries met up every two or three days for group events. So potential problems could be highlighted and ironed out by supportive staff there.

You presumably know your Uncle.
You presumably know he's never creeped you out.

You can't compare to your child staying with a family you don't have a clue about. Other than they are parents of a child similar age to yours.

In my day it was 3 weeks, at 14.

My French came on in leaps and bounds.

At 16, same again, only in Germany. .

I think the Peter Pan quote applies well here: “What if I fall? What if you fly?”

My sense of adventure and independence was very much encouraged by my parents, who obviously worried (especially on my 1st school ski trip age 9; in the 80's, no mobiles!).

A close friend was never allowed to go on these trips, she wasn't even allowed on school day trips. She hated not being included and resented her parents for it. Her mums anxiety was the reason.

A child demonstrating a desire to experience a different country and culture should be encouraged. It will benefit them enormously and a well-rounded, sensible, independent, adventurous and open minded adult will emerge from those expereinces.

As parents, we always fear for our children and nature plays a cruel trick on us when we have to switch from protector to mentor. We have to dig deep to do this, and the expectation is thrust upon us before we are ready and prepared for it.

There is a lot more to be gained than lost from an experience like this and OP, if your child wishes to go then I would try to find ways to dismantle your own fears. If you can do this, you will see that your fear will become excitement for them.

You will worry, of course you will, but there are ways to rationalise the fears and letting go a bit is something that you're going to have to do at some point, anyway - it's par for the course in parenting!

Maybe speaking to other parents whose children have taken part in the exchange or the teachers who organize it may help?

Why, when there are so many positive aspects to them? The proportion of kids that have been sexually assaulted while on an exchange must be tiny.

And my exchanges were for three weeks at a time. Immersion is absolutely the best way of learning a language. Two weeks into each trip I had started dreaming in French! There are huge benefits to these trips, I hope they keep going. I absolutely will be sending my own kids when old enough.

They will probably be stalked electonically by their parents, poor kids. The really sad part is that from reading this site the parents who do this actually feel themselves so superior because they care more than others when in reality they're responsible for many probelms young people experience having no prior knowledge without mummy's apron strings to cling to.

Foreign trips can be encouraged and enjoyed using youth hostels etc without putting isolated children into family homes.

Nobody has any idea what sort of life the other children are experiencing.

Its like people used to trust priests as men of God, why are people so content to put lots of trust into another family just because they have kids the same age?

I was 11 when I went to Henley for a week living in a host family. I had saved up money myself on selling cakes etc for a year. It was fantastic.

Then when I was 15 I went with EF to France but with a friend so we shared room.

@WhatTheCatHeard Many students share room- if your daughter goes with a friend would that be OK? It's sad to miss out.

Do many of the negative posters on here think that their child will be thrown at a random family in that foreign country? The amount of work that goes on before these exchanges, on both side of the Channel is staggering, all families involved are known to the other school and will have been checked closely.

It's not just because they have kids the same age. You also know that they also value education, that they want their children to have valuable experiences, that they are trusting people themselves because they trust you to look after their own kids, that they are prepared to have background checks, and so on.

I went to school with a girl who was being sexually abused by her mother. And to a certain extent physically too.

Her Dad was a police officer, her mum ex police and had a job in the school office. Btw Dad turned a blind eye to the abuse in the house.

Nobody would doubt they were a "good" family to host a child.

Remember abusers walk amongst us, they aren't strange men in brown trench coats.