To be suprised schools still do French exchanges ?what with the safeguard risks

[WhatTheCatHeard]

So my child is disappointed
that we don’t want them to go int he French exchange, which woudl
be basically our child living with another random family for a week…
then returning the favour

seems a bit too much of a risk for me
but im
suprised it’s even really allowed these days

Oh let them go if they want to, OP! Exchanges have been running forever and they are the best way of improving language skills, particularly if the participants really want to go.

My dad who is in his 80s now told me a story about being sent off on a German exchange when he was about 14 or 15 that my grandmother had organised through an advert in the Times or something similar. He was dropped at the ferry in Dover and then had to make his own way there by train the other side, all obviously without the aid of a phone etc. The first my grandparents knew that he was safe and well was when he arrived back on the UK side of the ferry a week later. Now that is a different world! He said he absolutely loved it. At least it’s nothing like that anymore 😂

Our school ran 2 German exchanges in the 80s which were brilliant. There were several trips and we were all in the German school together . Our German teacher was around to sort out any problems.

My DD didn’t do an exchange but went to a language school in Asia which was pretty life changing for her.

I think people worry too much these days. I did three exchanges when at school and they were all positive experiences. It took us out of our comfort zones and was a great way to see how people live in another country. We were always on our own in the families too, which forces you to make an effort to be understood.

My DS recently did a trip to Spain and they stayed with families but with classmates, never alone. I assume this was for safety reasons but I do think it takes away from the experience.

Risk assessment is about balance- risk cannot and should not be eliminated from life. The families are not random plenty is known about them. There is a small risk in all new interactions. They are now rare because we are a people who are increasingly willing to sue schools, so it is not the level of risk to students which is heightened it is the level of risk to the school's insurance.

My kids did them seven and eight years ago. Safeguarding didn't cross my mind. They were 15/16 and teachers were around and they had phones. I can’t believe how scared people are these days.

They still do them at our school but only 20 ish go out if 150 in the year

I get everyday is a risk and evertimgmyou get into a car it’s a risk but this would be allowing you child to go and live with a random family abroad for aweek
i guess the biggest risk is sexual assault frankly

How old is your child?
Do they go on sleepovers?

What a shame, I did about seven exchanges in France and Germany as a teenager and it really helped with the languages and with understanding the cultures. My children did French exchanges and it was good for opening their eyes to the world outside Britain.

If you don’t allow your child any experiences you are stopping them from obtaining valuable learning and development opportunities. This will impact and reduce their life opportunities.

dont just stop them from going or having experiences due to your fears.

I'm a big fan of language learning opportunities, and think some form of french exchange is an amazing opportunity.

However one day on my exchange I was really tired and stayed home while my exchange partner and her mum went shopping. My exchange partner's dad came in my bedroom in his dressing gown and took it off, repeatedly saying "Favour, favour". I was horrified and barely spoke to anyone in the family for the rest of the THREE WEEK stay. I was 13.

My DS was desperate to go so we did let him but he had a phone and messaged us morning and night. He had a great time. Thankfully my DD showed no interest in going.

We were DBS checked before the exchange partner came to us but no such checks were done abroad.

Teach them what they can do if they feel uncomfortable about a situation. Yes you might not be able to stop sexual assault but this could also happen in her own school or in a future work environment. You can’t just not do anything out of fear - equip her to be able to handle things to the extent possible.

Funny my DS is just thinking of going on a French exchange. I’m keen for him to go if he wants to, but wondering if 12 is a bit young?

Is it with school? Would think that’s ok as teachers will also be there and it will be properly arranged.

In my school days it was the teacher that went on the exchange that was the predator!
my friend had a day off Ill, he went to visit her. They came back to uk in a relationship (obviously a secret one)

Teachers are not there in the homes where the students are in the evenings and night and weekend.

And this is what people who are saying the kids have mobiles and can raise the alarm about anything strange fail to realise- kids often don’t know how to articulate why something feels off and are worried about making a fuss.

I remember doing an exchange where porn magazines had been left under the bed in our room (me and another girl). We didn’t tell anyone but actually felt really wary of the dad the whole time which did not make for a relaxing experience. Understanding things more now, I expect they were left there on purpose and he got something out of the idea that we’d stumble upon them. I have no doubt he would have passed a DBS but that didn’t mean he wasn’t a weirdo.

He probably didn't even need to pass a DBS. No checks were done when my DC did an exchange.

My DC's school still does them and we've done several over the years to France, Spain and Belgium. They've all been great.

Edited to add: 11 seems a bit too young though. My DC were all 13/14.

He won’t have done at that time but people are mentioning DBS checks on here as though that means anything.

Statistically I imagine that CSA is more likely from a member of your own family than from going on a language exchange. Does that mean we shouldn’t go to family reunions?

I went on multiple exchanges as a secondary school student, including one quite long one. They were excellent experiences, despite one of the families being quite fucked up, and I'm so glad that my mum didn't let her anxiety get in the way of me making the most of the experience.

Yes, there are risks, but there are risks involved in just about everything. It is not desirable, imo, for parents to seek to eliminate all risks to the extent that they eliminate most opportunities too.

Life is full of risks. You can't keep your DC 100% safe. It's an opportunity to talk about risks with you DC and scenarios potential risky scenarios.

At least now there are mobile phones now he/she could call you if there was a problem.

Let your DC go. Its a wonderful opportunity and the chances of anything risky actually happening are very low. What exactly are you worried about. Don't let your anxiety transfer onto your DC.

They will always remember this -that they were denied this opportunity. 40 years on I still remember the time I wasn't allowed to go to a friend's sleep over party and the time I couldn't stay out late at a Halloween party.

I have no doubt children got into really horrible situations on these exchange trips.

There are a lot more predators out there than people who have been convicted of any sort of abuse crime.
Don't put too much faith in criminal record checks.

Youth groups make sure kids aren't ever in a 121 situation with an adult. Yet here we are encouraging children to go and sleep in a strangers house.
With no clue of the intent of the parents. And remember not all predators are male.

Totally agree.