To be suprised schools still do French exchanges ?what with the safeguard risks

[WhatTheCatHeard]

So my child is disappointed
that we don’t want them to go int he French exchange, which woudl
be basically our child living with another random family for a week…
then returning the favour

seems a bit too much of a risk for me
but im
suprised it’s even really allowed these days

I’ve always thought they were such a bizarre proposition. I was horrified by the idea and luckily my parents were too so I managed to avoid. Heard some horror stories. I do wonder why they still happen. There are other ways to learn languages and experience a different culture.

Me and my sister's spent time with foreign families in the '80s. 4-6 weeks at a time without mobile phones.🤯 It was life changing for all of us and I am sorry that my DC didn't get that opportunity.

I can understand why you feel the way you do @WhatTheCatHeard, but I think it's sad for your DC.

My dcs and their friends had hilarious times on their exchanges. Of course other people’s families are weird - and as for French families! But weird does not equal evil. “Didn’t like the food” “Had to have sparkling water” - fgs. Talk about silly snowplough parents.

A person in my year kept getting propositioned by her exchange partners older sibling. She spent the whole time feeling uncomfortable as and felt unable to speak up.

I really don't feel I missed out on anything. Had plenty of trips abroad to experience the world

Mine had a swimming pool and a spare bike.😎

It’s just so risky out there

Why is the risk higher now than it used to be? If anything it is reduced, DBS checks, phones, actual risk assessments.

I did a German exchange in the 1970s and mine wasn't much fun either!

It was the first time our school had taken part in anything like that and they let the German school decide on who was matched with who. I had happily signed up thinking I would get to meet my German penpal, a girl about a year older than me. Well as it turned out the school in Germany decided that only their older pupils who were particularly good at English could take part so for the most part they were equivalent of VI Formers. However, we were an 11-16 school, German was a minority option and those taking part were all 13 to 15 years old, so big age and ability discrepancy for a start. Then to my dismay I discovered I had been paired with a boy! He was nearly 17 and I was barely 14. What the hell!

We really had nothing in common. I think he was probably very bored when he came to stay with us although my family organised days out at the weekends and school had other trips arranged in the week. When I went over there I was rather out of my depth. His family were actually very, very nice and horrified that I was so young. They had another son who was only 6 months younger than me and he was way too young to be considered for this trip, but actually we got on quite well and his English was about the same standard as my German so linguistically we might both of benefitted. As it was it did little for my spoken German as whenever I tried to speak to my exchange "pal" in German he just ignored it and spoke to me in English.

Golly I must have come across as a bit weird and awkward on that trip as I was so out of my depth.

Still, in principle I think they could be a good thing. I have known people who became great friends with their exchange families. Shame that the organisers made such a dog's breakfast of ours.

Edited to add- on the subject of mismatched exchanges reminds me of DHs tale of his French exchange. All the schools in his town took part with all the schools in their twinned town, so each school chose a school to be paired with. Because DHs school was the only Catholic boy's school in town the French school to twin with them was quite a prestigious boarding school with boys from all over, not just the local area. Also they were mostly from pretty well off families whereas the English boys generally were not. Apparently one of the English boys whose family lived in a council house was in an exchange with a boy who's family had a small chateau!

I did a French and German exchange when in year 10 and 12. I’m still in touch with my exchange partners. It was the best experience ever!

I have really fond memories of my school German exchange. Even if my exchange partner did ditch me with her parents to hang out with her boyfriend at the carnival. I actually had to speak a lot of German because it was the family's second language and they didn't speak any English. The mum packed me a ridiculous amount of sweets in my lunchbox each day.

My memory is also that we spent a lot of time in a group with our school teachers; there were plenty of trusted adults we could have spoken to if we were uncomfortable and they checked in with us a lot.

I think this is one of those cases where people are bad at perceiving risk accurately. Judging by past cases, it's probably a much higher risk for sexual abuse to enrol your kid in a sport or music lesson where they will be intensively coached 1:1, but parents do that without a second thought.

My eldest is about to go on a foreign language exchange. I think it’s an exciting opportunity, I think it will be really good for her (bit nerve wracking but that’s ok).

I have fond memories of mine, back in the year 2000 as a 14 year old at an all girls school. My exchange partner had 17 year old male twin cousins and all my friends were jealous as hell!

Why is it more dangerous now than it used to be? Genuine question. Do you think there are more risks these days?

No safer time to be a child, yet we want to take opportunities away.

I think it’s probably safer now but I think the bar was pretty low back then.

The mum packed me a ridiculous amount of sweets in my lunchbox each day.
@GoldMerchant
Oh God that's just reminded me of another embarrassing thing about my German exchange. Every school day we had to take a packed lunch so the Mum used to give me basically the same amount she packed for her big 17 year old son. Typically about four large bread buns with German sausage, a whole packet of biscuits and a big bottle of fizzy drink.

I was a skinny not quite 14 year old with a small appetite and just couldn't manage it all. However, I was too embarrassed to let her know I hadn't eaten it and didn't have the language skills to ask for less. I used to hide it in my suitcase intending to sneak it out the next day and every day I forgot. So eventually I had several days worth of sandwiches hidden under the bed. Then one day I got in and she handed me some freshly laundered clothes. I fled to my room and checked my suitcase and, yes, the food had gone. She had obviously found it and removed it when looking for my washing. Nothing was ever said but I was mortified.

I still wonder whether his family would remenisce about that weird little English girl who came to stay with Erhard and hid her food under the bed.🥺

This sort of fear is the reason so many young adults lack independence these days. They’ve never been allowed to take risks, with helicopter parents.

And Mumsnet is probably one of the biggest spreaders of this fear. See also the many threads “I will never let my DC go on a sleepover”, with the hypocrisy of “but I’d host it myself” thrown in. We’ll have a generation of people who never dare sleep away from home, because something might “happen” to them.

Life is full of risk. It cannot be eliminated, but it can be managed.

My daughter hasn't been offered this, but if she was I would think it was a great idea!

In terms of risk, sadly all kinds of things are risky. Lots of young women are abused my boyfriends, family members, friends of the family...... Statistically I imagine having male relatives is probably more dangerous than going on an exchange.....

I went on the French exchange more than once. The last time, I was in 6th form and 17. That was the only not great time. The girl was 16 and her boyfriend was at the house from 7am to 11pm every day. He obviously saw me as his property and kept pinning me up against walls trying to kiss and grope me.

I wasn’t allowed out much, which at 17 really pissed me off, so there was no escape. I did what I could to avoid him and found a bigger, stronger ‘boyfriend’ and the girl’s boyfriend stopped. They then wouldn’t let her daughter come to my house (no skin off my nose tbh) for safety reasons. Idiots. Oh and they did rabbit stew with the feet and head, including eyes. I didn’t eat much that day. Idiots.

Well that's your choice. Others of us don't run our children's lives by trying to eliminate all risk.

I should have added the other times I went were great, including when I was paired with a boy, who was the ds of the english teacher. Fab fab family.

Absolutely ridiculous. My children happily travel around the UK and abroad by themselves, and the adults live independently. One is planning a trip to Canada. All that despite me saying I wouldn't have let them do an exchange trip.

Just ask for a bolt / lock on the inside of the bedroom door - super easy to install them. Plenty of options available.

Sparking water is normal in Germany. I'm sure the family had a tap so probably not necessary to drink from the cat's bowl.

How are the risks any greater now than they have ever been? You have to let your child live, op, they can't have half a life because of your fears.