To be suprised schools still do French exchanges ?what with the safeguard risks

[WhatTheCatHeard]

So my child is disappointed
that we don’t want them to go int he French exchange, which woudl
be basically our child living with another random family for a week…
then returning the favour

seems a bit too much of a risk for me
but im
suprised it’s even really allowed these days

I went aged 14 in 1980, loved it, i went to northern Germany, the family was a single mum, DD who actually I didn't get on with and her 16yr old brother who was lovely and I did. He was keen to improve his English and was happy to spend time with me, helping with my German. Even my teacher teased me that we were close in two weeks, but there wasn't anything remotely dodgy. He was a genuinely nice boy. I often think of him and his mother who was kind and I'm 60s now. Yhe girl actually didn't come back to England, she decided against coming, which was fortunate as my DGF wasn't keen on a German in the house, he was a ww2 veteran!

Tell you what, let's ban everything. Maybe tag everyone so they are all geolocatable at all times. Everyone who does anything without permission gets locked up. Much safer.

The cat's bowl? Did they not have taps?!

Different days back then, I was sent away with a ferry ticket, bus fare, a hastily scribbled address and a cheese sandwich.
There would have been a 'teacher visit' on the ninth day but I wasn't going to wait in the hell hole for that, I made off with dreams of ringing the bells with Quasimodo. Incredibly a friend was in a similar position but sent to a pizza house, she made the most of it, did well for herself and stayed on and later went on to start the company 'Deep Pan Pizza' which was a huge success before selling up and the business actually went bankrupt shortly after

I did an exchange to Germany in the early 1970s, the Dad had been in the Hitler youth. I don't think he had done anything bad, though. The grandparents lived upstairs, and the granddad had been in the trenches in WW1, like my granddad, though on opposite sides. The wars were hardly their fault.

What an experience. Well done for getting out.

Pas du tout.

Of course I would let my child go. I went and had a great time . I had friends in senior school that went for three months and were completely fluent on return.

We are too quick to look for horrors and don’t let our kids safely explore the world.

Duplicate post sorry - edited version that actually makes sense below …

My own experience was mundane but still worthwhile and I wasn’t homesick, threatened or abandoned. This was in the 1980s, so there were no phones or emails. No letters, as I couldn’t get to a post office and to be honest it would not have occurred to me.

My family was Ok, the kid was tiresome and more aggressively teenage than me - so rage-filled, we had little in common. I remember thinking she had terrible taste in music and was a bit humourless, plus she gave me nits 😂.

On the plus side I developed a life long love of outdoor swimming pools, chips and mayo, and learned that the world did not end at Derby. In Germany also, teens could be trusted to buy or not buy fags from machines at the bottom of every street, and didn’t go totally wild because they could buy beer in a cafe at 14. The cultural stuff was much more important than the language learning - the Germans were streets ahead of us and they had no time for babysitting our disastrous attempts at dealing with cases.

My exchange partner came to us too, but I remember little about it apart from going on trips organised by the school. She wasn’t a talker, which was funny for a language exchange.

My dad was head of modern languages and he always managed to bundle me and my brother onto an exchange with a French family once a year ( despite the fact we didn't attend the school.where he taught.)

I loved them, can't remember what my brother thought about them. But that's when I found out how you can learn a language by just being around people speaking it so it gave me a lot more confidence than I would otherwise have had, in my ability to learn a language.

A different era of course. My parents were quite happy to bundle us off to almost complete strangers and not hear anything from us for five or six days. Must be a bit easier these days, surely..

Went on an exchange in 70s when I was 16.
Sons in the family had a beer before school
Thats was the extent of their depravity and endangerment
Was driven round Paris at night that was magical
Had a great time with other French kids in the suburb they lived in.
Rode a scooter round town with no helmet
Snogged some French girls and more in one case
Oh for a Time Machine

I did an exchange and am still in touch with my exchange partner decades later. My host family were very kind. Also brilliant fun to go on a trip abroad with a big group from your school.
I think kids should get out there and see the world, see how other families live and how other cultures function. I don't really see what a big risk an exchange represents.

She drank out of the cat’s bowl as opposed to turning on a tap? That’s something that definitely did not happen.

I did three different German exchanges and a French one.

I was only 13 for the first one and was very homesick.

Also the French family tricked me into eating rabbit when I said I didn’t want to.

But apart from that they were wonderful experiences. It felt very emotional when I met the grandparents of my German exchange families knowing that they were at war with my grandparents only 40 years before.

The weirdest thing on a school trip was in Turkey where the teacher sent us on our own in small groups into a busy and dark Turkish market. No safety talks about pickpockets or other dangers. I was almost lured into a carpet shop by a man promising me ‘souvenirs’ - a sixth former grabbed me and told the man to back off.

I absolutely hated the German exchange I did whilst still at school in around 1980.

The family I was with were kind enough but their daughter (my partner) was horrible and we had absolutely nothing at all in common. I was quite an anxious child, which didn't help, and whilst I had initially wanted to go on the exchange, I got increasingly worried in the run-up to it and really wished I hadn't asked to go.

I gritted my teeth when exchanges came up for my own children. Two out of three did exchanges and experiences were mixed, though mostly OK.

I felt very anxious and continually on edge about hosting when the partners came over to us. I did it, and with a good grace, but didn't enjoy it and was glad when it was over each time.

Exchanges have many pluses, but they can also be stressful and are not for everyone.

This is why so many young people have anxiety these days. To much being wrapped up in cotton wool instead of getting out and experiencing the world.

I don't think its riskier now than 50 years ago. I just think people were more trusting, people didn't really think child sex abuse was a common thing.

We now know it is and it probably always has been a thing.

Yes kids have phones but how does a young person call or message before / during an abusive situation with ttheman of the house.

Police checks only prove someone hasn't been caught. Someone always has to be the first victim

My French exchange student family had a holiday chateau in the country as well as their house in the city, together with servants. Exchange trip coincided with Easter so spent half of the time in the chateau. Don’t think they were very impressed when they stayed in our humble home with no servants 😂

What a shame. I did this at school and it was so cool.However, i understand your fears. As a parent i think you must do what you think is best. Your child will get over it.

This is an example of parental over caution ruining an enriching experience for children. It's very sad. Are the risks zero? No. Are the risks incredibly low and the benefits life changing/ enriching - yes. The risk of being in a car accident are significantly greater but that's not at the front of every parents mind, thankfully . This over analysis and worry impacts kids development and mental health, which should be a far greater consideration for parents. Let your kids stretch their wings and grow, don't hold them back for minute risks and perceived dangers around every corner, it's far more damaging to them.

The risk isn't higher, it's just openly discussed now.

The situations young people were put in 40 years ago were unassessed.

Given modern standard practice in relation to safeguarding of young people, it does seem surprising for stays in strangers' homes to be authorised.

This is NOT why young people have anxiety.

Young people have anxiety due to extreme uncertainty over their future security, increased pressure, lack of connection in their every day lives.

Being this risk averse is quite limiting. Not everyone wants to live like that, which presumably why it is still allowed.

Great memories from my French exchange experience. Loved every minute of it.

We have an exchange student arriving today. Everyone over 16 in the house had to have a DBS check.