AIBU to feel embarrassed after no replies in the class WhatsApp group?

[Exhausted553]

I messaged on class WhatsApp group if anyone wants to go for a coffee after drop off one day this week and no one has responded! I sent this afternoon and can see everyone has read but no one has replied.

Feel really embarrassed. I’m a total introvert anyway and it took lots of guts to reach out. Shall I delete the message, if I’m able to, or shall I just leave it there? It’s embarrassing no one responded to me. How am I supposed to get close with these women if no one responds? It’s a very small village primary with only 12/13 kids in class.

How do others get close with the parents in their kids classes? I know a couple from before as our kids were in nursery so I’ve had a few play dates individually but I was trying to get to know the group as a whole and not leave anyone out.

I quite dislike WhatsApp groups for this. If I’m invited somewhere I always answer something yes no maybe , asap as it’s so rude not to and people feel ignored.

Hope someone replies op! I would Come for coffee with u!!

Is this a new class so you don't know people? I agree it's brave of you to post, but equally parents may not feel brave enough to accept, or to accept publically (and may come and talk to you individually at some point, even if not straight away).

I disagree that it's rude not to reply to a message on a class WhatsApp group. Those groups are bad enough without everyone feeling that they have to reply to every single message when their reply doesn't add anything. If OP had individually messaged people, then yes, it would be rude.

Personally, I wouldn't give a toss if they didn't respond.

Just forget and go about your day. You tried.

I’m the same! I’d be even more inclined to reply if I saw that no one else had.

OP you were very brave, I’d feel the same way if no one replied to me. Don’t let this make you feel like there’s anything wrong with you, people are just caught up in their own worlds and sometimes a bit cliquey.

Head high, you did a good thing, smile and be friendly, you did nothing wrong. Give it a bit of time, someone will respond.

Oh darling don’t delete it! How brave you are! People are just busy, and like the PP said someone will probably approach you in the playground.

You come across as friendly and approachable, so someone a wee bit shy might have been too embarrassed to answer on the group but may talk to you face to face.

Keep smiling and being friendly, you’re doing brilliant!!

I personally wouldn’t reply if I couldn’t go as I feel one message saying ‘no’ just opens the flood gates for others to message the same, as often people don’t want to be the first one to reply.

I wouldn’t be able to go due to work, but I also wouldn’t want to be the starting message of a barrage of ‘Nos’. It is not down to rudeness at all, I just feel that it would be even worse than no reply at all. If I knew the person a little bit from chatting at the gate, etc, I would likely reply separately telling them why I couldn’t go.

Sorry everyone I know I was being vague on purpose okay so I made it sound my daughter is in reception but she’s actually year 3! So where we live there’s infants from reception to year 2 then juniors y3-y6. I know most of the mums and we have had play dates one to one but there’s around 5 mums who we don’t know and I thought it would be nice for everyone to meet up like the other class has done. School started on Friday and other class has already had 3 meet ups. I have a friend on other class who has a son and was encouraging me to “make an effort” as I told her I want to be more sociable. She said I have to make the effort, I could go for coffee with her but I feel I need to get to know my class as my daughter will be with these people for next few years now.

Yes I’m not sure why people are surprised but yes most of the mums do not work, I’ve been a little depressed since my baby was born so isolated myself but even in infants everyone would meet for brunch and coffee. I did go once or twice but I wasn’t a regular.

i felt it was a new start as new people hew environment and I wanted to make an effort but i feel I failed

You haven’t failed. Let’s see what tomorrow morning brings.

It's a nice thing to do so leave it there. However in the ten years I had kids at primary school, not one invitation for coffee or tea was ever made. For as I know it wasn't a thing at all rather than it just being me who wasnt invited.

Just own it and say Noone this week then! Feel free to pm me of you fancy it another day

@RaininSummer i think with this area they seem to have meet-ups all the time. Everytine I go past the village coffee shop it’s packed with mums.

Goodness. My firstborn has just started 6th form and my youngest just started GCSEs. I was never included in any group chats. I eventually made contacts with a few people but it was all very natural. I work full time. I have no idea if people all met up without me and nor would I care. Just chill about it all and let things happen naturally.

Well if they don’t play ball could you join your friend who goes out with the other class?

Oh OP, I feel for you and I know the urge to check your phone to see if anyone replied. It’s a bit strange no one responded yet not even to say, sorry I have the dentist but lovely idea, will join next time. Fingers crossed someone replies tomorrow!

Don't be embarrassed. You've done nothing wrong or silly or anything. Hold your head high. This will pass.

It happens to everyone at some point. You may well still get some replies. Don’t delete it.

Go along with her. You can still make friends with those mums

Def dont delete it. Give it a chance, someone will reply x

Can you private message one mum who you know reasonably well in the class and ask them to respond even if they can’t make it. Probably no one wants to go first.

It is tricky when people don't respond in a group.
But remember - each person on the group only thinks of their own response. For all they know others have DMd you and it's going ahead.
So no do not delete and don't feel exposed- others are just not thinking and not responding is exactly that- thoughtless.
Build a relationship in person with one or two. It's ambitious if admirable to try and manage a group.

Me too, unfortunately some people are ignorant and don't reply.

Ah, it must feel a bit awkward, but don't allow yourself to make too much of it.

Most people probably read and just couldn't make it or didn't think about it rather than anyone thinking: God no we hate her.

But it will have highlighted you as someone friendly and open so that in the future if anyone else is also looking to be friendly and meet up they'll approach you.
You may well find someone approaches you at the school gate to chat in the next few weeks.

Try to ride out the awkwardness. You've done nothing wrong. You've been friendly and open and in the long run it'll pay off one way or another.