AIBU to feel embarrassed after no replies in the class WhatsApp group?

[Exhausted553]

I messaged on class WhatsApp group if anyone wants to go for a coffee after drop off one day this week and no one has responded! I sent this afternoon and can see everyone has read but no one has replied.

Feel really embarrassed. I’m a total introvert anyway and it took lots of guts to reach out. Shall I delete the message, if I’m able to, or shall I just leave it there? It’s embarrassing no one responded to me. How am I supposed to get close with these women if no one responds? It’s a very small village primary with only 12/13 kids in class.

How do others get close with the parents in their kids classes? I know a couple from before as our kids were in nursery so I’ve had a few play dates individually but I was trying to get to know the group as a whole and not leave anyone out.

From the outside looking in, you did absolutely nothing wrong OP and the other members of the group are really bloody rude !
however if i was you I’d still be absolutely mortified and feel like saying ‘fuck you then!’

Aww, sorry op. I am definately guilty of reading a text, fully intending to respond, then forget all about it.
Don't delete, just leave it open

OK, deep breaths. No need to check your phone. In fact, put the whole chat into archive folder right now so you can get some rest. You can look at it in 24h.

There is nothing to be embarrassed about or feel bad for. Your mind is making it bigger than it needs to be. In fact, I would be congratulating yourself on making the first difficult step. Doesn't really matter that it didn't work out this time. Next time it will.

I've had a similar experience with a woman in my hobby group. When we saw each other in person, I asked if she wanted to meet up for a drink. She said yes. I messaged her a few days later and she ghosted me. No big deal, honestly.

I'm convinced that everybody is just generally more anti-social these days. People barely speak on my class Whatsapp unless we're confused about something the school has said. I'm personally quite introverted and don't engage much, but I've seen others try and be ignored too. A mom sent a huge paragraph re her daughters birthday party coming up, asking if anybody wanted to book the venue with her, and have a joint party (I dont think this is down to affordability, I think she was just discussing the options the venue offers). Nobody responded AT ALL. I gave her a sympathy like towards the end of the day and lo and behold, people then started liking her message too. I feel like people are scared to speak up until somebody else gives the go ahead.

Leave the message there, I bet you anything people will approach you on the day wanting to know what the plan is for coffee.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. People are just busy / flaky / awkward / British / anxious / rude / all of the above.

If it's any reassurance to you, in the WhatsApp groups /situations where I have done similar, the people that replied didn't reply in the group straight away. They replied one on one or later.

No-one is looking at your message thinking ha what a loser. They are either presuming people replied 1-on-1 or thinking people haven't had time yet .

So then they can take a few seconds to say what a lovely idea, but they can't make it unfortunately as they have to get to work, or something like that! It doesn't take much effort.

Big hugs!

Love this!

In my experience before you doa public broadcast like this, it’s best to have arranged to do it with one other person so you can say ‘Susie and I are going for coffee after drop of at blah blah cafe. You’re welcome to join us’. I learnt this the hard way.

Me too. I'd probably suggest a meet up at the park with kids, less pressure.

Aw you have to style it out now, deleting will be worse. I think that was really brave and sorry no one replied. I seem to have a knack of killing conversation on groups and Mumsnet threads

If it was me I’d try not to overthink it, you did a good thing putting yourself out there. And not recommending this but I’d probably think “sod you then” and vow not to be very active on the group

Exactly. People's manners are appalling now.

Leave the message and act totally cool, like you are doing them a favour by suggesting a coffee together! Well done, introvert, for getting out of your shell - I wish I had the courage to do it years ago. I am better now, but understand it is a massive thing for you to post it! Don't delete!

I put something on a class group once - it was something like has anyone got a spare copy of a certain book or something - nobody replied but when l got to school, loads of people came up to me and said oh here's the book so they jist didn't reply in the group.

I think there can be a slight awkwardness from people who can’t go to wonder whether they should reply and say they can’t (or just leave it, because they can’t). I tend to reply because I imagine the person sending the message would appreciate an acknowledgment but I think people often like to keep their heads down.

Because people dont have too i assume a message like needs a response if you are interested you respond

People have lives outside of school parent meet ups and if they dont they shoulf just because our kids gp to the same school does not mean this is the centre of our universe

It is definitely them and not you. You did a lovely thing, well done. People who don’t reply are just rude

Don’t worry. People tend not to say no if they can’t make it because it creates that wave effect. It won’t be you, it will be that they are busy.

Loads of folk don't go straight from drop off to work. They either work part time, shifts, or flexible working etc. Not everyone does the 9-5!

I have to agree with this. These things tend to evolve in this way-a couple of people decide to go to the park/soft play/coffee/out for drinks and then tell others in the class that’s what they are doing if they also fancy it.

My advice is to go for the coffee anyway, don’t wait for others and don’t feel embarrassed. Go and sit and enjoy a coffee for an hour on your own and be thankful for being able to do so as what a treat! Don’t let others determine your happiness, you made them the offer and reached out and it doesn’t matter why they declined or didn’t respond, do it anyway ☺️

I agree with this. It was actually very brave to put yourself out there like that, so well done (& enjoy your coffee!)

Just curious, whereabouts is this affluent area in the UK where most mums don’t work?! Almost every mum at my kids' school does. Cost of living crisis n all...

Erm mums work, it's 2026, not 1952! Out of a class of 30 I can only think of 1 mum that doesn't work. Why do you need to "get close" to these people, they are just parent's with kids the same age. I have 3 primary age children, I know lots of parent's (not just mums!) really well, it happened by going to kids party's and the odd night out without kids. I don't drop off or pick my kids up as I work full-time, there are plenty people like this. I've never felt the need to go for coffee with school mums though, it's all a bit weird and forced, I think working out who are your sort of people more organically is better. My youngest is y1 now, he's been in the same class since nursery and I've just about sussed out who are my sort of people and who I just wouldn't want to make small talk with. I've never felt i needed the friendship of other school mums though, more just being pleasant to people who are stuck attending the same things as you for 7 or 8 years!

Also I'd roll my eyes so hard if everyone in the group replied "what a lovely idea, unfortunately I work" or whatever. A message on a group chat like that you only reply to if you are free/want to go, the other people in the chat do not need to know you can't go or your reason why!! It's like when someone loses a jumper and 30 people reply "not here" omg only reply if you DO have it!!!