AIBU to feel embarrassed after no replies in the class WhatsApp group?

[Exhausted553]

I messaged on class WhatsApp group if anyone wants to go for a coffee after drop off one day this week and no one has responded! I sent this afternoon and can see everyone has read but no one has replied.

Feel really embarrassed. I’m a total introvert anyway and it took lots of guts to reach out. Shall I delete the message, if I’m able to, or shall I just leave it there? It’s embarrassing no one responded to me. How am I supposed to get close with these women if no one responds? It’s a very small village primary with only 12/13 kids in class.

How do others get close with the parents in their kids classes? I know a couple from before as our kids were in nursery so I’ve had a few play dates individually but I was trying to get to know the group as a whole and not leave anyone out.

Why on earth are thyy rude? They didnt ask for the invite it is there if people want to take it up, Why put rudeness onto them?

Don't be embarrassed - people aren't going to go 'Oh cringe, no one replied to her', because people might have responded to you privately for all they know.

Please don’t be embarrassed by this.

No one wants to make an excuse or be the first to say no because they don’t want to seem rude.

Half have probably read it and forgot to reply anyway.

Even if nothing comes from this text message, people now know you’re happy to meet for a coffee in the future and that will open loads of doors to building friendships.

They probably assume you are really confident and they’re feeling really shy.

When people are more settled into the school year then they’ll probably suggest it again.

Well done you OP

Yes exactly!

And tbh I probably would respond privately to arrange it.

I agree that you were really brave 🙂 and if it makes you feel a bit better, I might be a mum that didn’t reply to this because I was too scared of socialising with people I don’t know, even though I would want to be brave enough to say yes. And I’m sure there are mums on there who are just like me in that regard.

I hope you find your way to the mums you’re compatible with ☺️ (and I hope I do too! My 2 younger dc have just started nursery and reception)

It’s not embarrassing at all people will just assume you have had some private replies
Arrange something in a few weeks face to face with anyone you click with

Interesting all the people saying they probably work, lots of mums at my kids school dont work and stand around chatting outside of the school for ages after drop off, ive had meetings at the school and come out and the same Mums are stood chatting half an hour / hour later, and their kids are in year 5/6! I think it’s rude not to respond even if they are working.

Don’t feel embarrassed!!
Remember that if anyone did fancy it they could message you privately and take your number from the group… so what I’m saying is that only you know that no one has replied!! For all they know, you’ve had messages privately.. so forget that part of being embarrassed! Someone may well approach you at the school aswell in person! X

Definitely don’t delete it. Doing so will suggest you’re lacking in self-confidence.
If I were in that group and unable to go I’d be reluctant to reply in case it cascaded. On MN if my response tends to be negative I hold back until others have replied because I don’t want to upset the OP.
Some people hang back waiting for a more confident person to reply.
You certainly shouldn’t take this personally. It would be easy to read it that way as the initiator but really that’s not the case.
In future arrange with an other mum then offer the opportunity to the group as PP have suggested.

Same. i think we met up after the first drop off and again the next week or two. Everyone was really supportive if someone was upset if their child had struggled to go in too.

OP it’s a shame you have separate class groups and not a year one then you could have gone with the other mums!

Oh gosh OP - you’re very brave for doing that.

IME the junior school mums were a brutal bunch. Too much to detail here but in hindsight it was unfortunately toxic a lot of the time (all very middle class etc). I was a bit introverted so it took me a long time to make friends, but they’re still friends today so the good ones.

But those seven years showed me that there are way more mean/competitive mums around than I had foreseen.

Just leave the message up and move on and be friendly, I think would be my best advice.

When mine started school I found loads of the reception mums worked part-time or were SAHMs or on mat leave/career breaks. Only a few worked full-time at that point.

Because it takes a few seconds to say “thanks for the invite but I’m working all week.” And so on. It’s just polite to respond to an invite

I'm really surprised no one has replied. Its not you, its them!

Don’t delete it but maybe say when is a good time if anyone wants to meet

it may be they are busy that day - or working etc

How do class WhatsApp’s come about? Do the parents create them? My youngest is in her last year of primary and my eldest child is 24 with 2 other adult DD’s in between. In all my years of school runs I’ve never heard of or been part of a class WhatsApp. Unless there have been them and I’ve been excluded 😂 which tbh suits me fine

I hate putting myself out there with people I hardly know - and it hits so hard when people dont take you up on your offer. I get it. I really doubt its personal but I know it feels like it is. Its horrible.

Probably all hoping someone else will reply first

I agree with the other posters who say they should have replied even with a no. I couldn’t have read that and not at least said I was working etc and thank you for the invite. I can’t get my head around a group of people seeing this and not one acknowledging it in any way.

Is this recently? I just don't know how anyone affords it these days

I think it’s the non-specificity of it. If someone asked me and 50 others if someone wanted to get a coffee at any point in the future this week, I wouldn’t really respond because (a) what if they didn’t mean ME but it was really for the other mums or a specific friend group? (They have no idea you’re an introvert) and (b) I don’t know if I’m free when they might decide to go. If you said, Thursday at 4pm after we collect the kids, if I didn’t have somewhere to be, I might consider it. Even more so if you invited me personally and not just a group of randoms.

I would be tempted to reply with ‘I’ll take that as a no then 😆’
Not in a bitchy or defensive way, not at all. Just to diffuse any awkwardness you might be feeling.
You are brave and just remember that it is NOT you. It’s probably not them either, as they could be working or whatever. I would totally have met up with you, and would think you very cool and confident for asking 🤘

I had this happen to me last year. I was mortified. I’ve never asked again!

I'd put a message on saying "Oops, posted on wrong group" Then make friends the old fashioned way. It's not Motherland or Amandaland! Honestly, thank goodness my children went to school, with no WhatsApp groups or even school emails! (Back in 2000 onwards)

If I ever message my friends, I usually say I'm popping into town for a few errands and a coffee, if anyone wants to join me....then it looks like I was going anyway

I probably wouldn't reply because it's likely I don't know who you are. It took me a while to put kids to parents in my head (and even longer for DD2 class) so I be waiting to see if our DC got on or we had more interactions at the school gate. I'd rather do a trip to the park after school or one weekend with the kids.