AIBU to feel uncomfortable about my partner's comment on teenage niece?

[Gingercatonshed]

If your partner said to you “it was weird how grown up dear niece looks she had her boobs out at the family meal, I still just think of her as being so young” would you find this weird ?

for context partner early 30s and niece is 16. It made me feel uncomfortable not sure if it was genuine “oh she’s turning into a woman” comment from my partner or it its abit Pervy / strange to notice …

I've noticed my niece is developing which feels weird as she still has her cute baby face and it's taking time to see her as a tween and not my little niece anymore. But I've got no compulsion to mention it and would definitely not want my partner to notice in a way that he felt he had to pass comment. He wouldn't anyway as he'd think it was weird too. Can't imagine any of my brother's ever feeling the need to mention it either.

I stopped seeing a friend a few years back as her husband had pointed out to us all how his daughter (still in primary school) was growing 'budding breasts'. I just thought it's a weird thing to bring up at a BBQ, especially amongst other men but bad enough infront of women too. Just weird. Totally normal to go through puberty, and to notice it, but kinda weird for a man to mention it specifically, imo.

I think it's normal but then the last time we had DH's niece over she wore such short shorts that it made me uncomfortable to sit opposite her when she crossed her legs and I commented on that to DH

I don't expect any adult man to be commenting on a child's breasts.

Ick!

A woman wouldn’t comment on her teenage niece’s breasts. I wouldn’t dream of commenting on my teenage nephews bodies, other than to say how tall they’re getting. I certainly wouldn’t be commenting on how they had their muscular arms or hairy chests out, because it would be quite disgusting.

There is absolutely no evidence of that whatsoever. She was likely wearing a perfectly normal top for a teenager in the summer, but now has breasts.

But I would make a comment about my niece if they had a revealing top on! I would definitely make some comment especially to my husband in private and say about it being rather revealing.

Also saying about comments on men's bodies I know a few that wear shorts all year round, and will make a comment about that e.g. still got your legs out, not cold enough for trousers yet then.

I think it's interesting all the women posting about they wouldn't comment or not notice but if it's right in front of you I am not sure how you ignore it and I think at least he is being honest than keeping it in his head.

Well I think it’s extremely weird that you’d talk about a child’s breasts with your partner. It’s extremely inappropriate.

But I don't get why you wouldn't. Like do you not talk about if someone gets a haircut?
We don't know what this girl was wearing and a lot of outfits are very revealing. Surely if her top is showing her chest then it will become a talking point (and perhaps something she needs to consider).

You don’t understand why people wouldn’t talk about a child’s breasts?

If you saw a bulge in a teenage boy’s trousers, would you discuss that with your partner too?

It is extremely weird and I think you need to examine your boundaries.

You still haven't answered my question.
If someone had a haircut, you would discuss it right?
If someone is showing too much flesh, you would also mention it.

And I don't know any men that get their penis out in public thankfully, but if my nephew did that thing with trousers low, pants on show/bum out then I would definitely comment on that.
And if I was close to my nephew and their trousers were rather tight and there was an obvious bulge I would also suggest they need to buy a new pair.

I don't think that would happen in our family. My brothers would stay well clear of any remark about my niece as they'd know how My brother would feel about it. And if they started talking about my daughter's boobs I'd flatten them. I Metaphorically. But I really can't see that happening.

TBF we don't know as we aren't OP. That's fair. It could have been a revealing top with a plunging neckline.

It is odd how defensive you are about being able to comment on children’s bodies. Girls can clearly not hide their breasts in the same way boys can hide their penises, and girls should not have to wear baggy clothes so that their weird adult relatives don’t go home and discuss their breasts.

Very creepy.

I think I’d be able to contain myself from commenting on the breasts of a 16 year old with a plunging neckline.

Like I have said if you read my previous posts, for some girls it is very obvious and maybe they don't even realise how much can be seen. Yes my example was in a school where the expectations are different but if out at a family meal then it would also be considered inappropriate to be sat in a bikini top or something that is similar in terms of coverage. No one is saying you need to wear a baggy top, but there is a difference between a fitted vest top that covers the breasts to one that is low cut, with a push up bra/poorly fitted bra that doesn't contain them and they are spilling out.

As I wasn't there I have no idea to the extent of the inappropriateness of the top, but feel that if the uncle commented to his partner in private that it likely made him feel uncomfortable.

He did not say it made him feel uncomfortable. He said he noticed how grown up she was.

I really wish I could see the top I feel like if it was really really really low cut I can see why he would have noticed but if it was a normal top with a slight bit of cleavage I don’t know why he would have.

There lies the problem, physical development being linked to being grown/courting male attention. Young women's bodies are so sexualised, that they aren't seen as just having a body, they 'have their boobs out'. I was at a bounce place yesterday, most of the young girls/teens had strappy/crop tops on, it's just what they wear and they happen to have breasts.
Girls were seen as 'ready for it' if they were developed, but they are still young. His DN is still young, but like any young person, she is growing up. He didn't pick up on what she was saying, her moving on from School etc, all which show maturity and growing up, but noticed his blood relatives boobs.

For those saying it’s weird - is it worth me saying anything else to him ?

It depends. Did you ask what he meant by ‘hanging out’? I think that would make a difference.

100%.

I just find it weird when people comment on other people’s bodies full stop. You wouldn’t do it to an adult, but I’ve noticed people do it about children/ teens in the same way they might comment on their height. My (female) friend commented on how my teen DD was developing a “lovely shape” and it really gave me the ick. Luckily she didn’t say it in front of her!

I wouldn’t comment on a teenagers breasts (or anyone else’s for that matter!) and I would think it was odd if DH did. A simple DN is growing up so quickly adequately covers the point he was making!

I think sometimes people have a bit of a shock when they suddenly see someone they've always known as a kid as an adult. As a father, there's been a few of them for me. Sometimes its something about their personality, like the first time they legitimately out argue you on something, or know more about something than you.

And sometimes it is physical. For me that was seeing DD in her prom dress at 16 and thinking "Bloody hell, when did she turn into a woman?" And yes, part of that was that she suddenly had cleavage, and a waist. (She lived in baggy T-shirts at the time). And no, that doesn't make me a perv for noticing.

And it works the other way around as well. I can think of at least two occasions when my Mum probably had that "He's a man" revelation about me. The first was when I legged it from my bedroom to the bathroom naked to chuck something in the wash basket and timed it badly, giving my Mum a view of my backside as I ran back into my room. I know she got a good view because I got a "When the hell did you get a hairy arse!" shouted after me.

The second time was the summer between 6th form and uni and I'd been swimming lots and started going to the gym. I turned from a weedy little nerd into a, well, somewhat less weedy little nerd. I took my shirt off down the beach on holiday and got a "You've got shoulder muscles!" from her.

Was she perving on either occasion? God no, just realising that her kid wasn't exactly a kid any more.

noticing is one thing. Commenting as he did, even just to you, is totally another thing and really not acceptable. If he has genuine concerns over her choice of clothes, he takes it to the girl's mother privately and does not say stuff like "she had her boobs out"