AIBU to feel uncomfortable about my partner's comment on teenage niece?

[Gingercatonshed]

If your partner said to you “it was weird how grown up dear niece looks she had her boobs out at the family meal, I still just think of her as being so young” would you find this weird ?

for context partner early 30s and niece is 16. It made me feel uncomfortable not sure if it was genuine “oh she’s turning into a woman” comment from my partner or it its abit Pervy / strange to notice …

Dump him

Ewwww

Not ok OP

plenty of ways to say she has grown up without mentioning breasts. He’s a basic model, you can do better.

Yes but you are her parents!

How would you feel if your uncle or cousin made a comment about her appearance during adolescent growth, its not normal and its not right.

If he’s generally a good egg I’d assume he voiced it because he felt uncomfortable with his niece looking attractive (not the same as finding her attractive)
if he added any comments of appreciation as to how she looks I would find it creepy

Me too, I don’t really understand it to be honest. My niece wore a dress recently that was completely open so you could see her whole bra at a family party. If it had been DD I would have had to say something. It’s about dressing for the occasion. I also think it’s sad when girls feel the need to dress for the male gaze.

However I also feel his comments were wrong!

I think it's a fair comment if he's used to seeing her as a child and then she presents as a woman seemingly overnight.
If a woman said it, there'd be no worry.

My thoughts exactly!

Eurgh no, it's not a good comment for an uncle to comment on a niece's body no.

My DH and I have sometimes discussed how grown up younger relatives have gotten - but we don't mention breasts. Likely we are both thinking it though as a obvious visual sign but not need to mention it.

Riiiight, just the female kids. Of course not the male kids.

Miss the Victorian era much, hm?

I find it creepy, I would never say someone had their boobs out. DD2 is 32DD and looks different in normal tops to someone who is a B cup.

I don't think it's fair that men predate on teenage girls, that's why what they say is important. Though I'd also find the same comment inappropriate from a woman. The only way someone would "Have their boobs out" would be to be sitting there topless.

Absolutely creepy fucking weirdo alert. How about he absolutely never, under any circumstances ever, talks about teenage girls boobs? No matter who they are, or under what circumstances.

That's the norm, by the way, to not ever comment on teenage girls tits.

‘Having her boobs out’ is a very grim description to say about any young girl imo, particularly his niece 🤮
He could have phrased it a lot better.

This!

I wouldn't necessarily see this as him being creepy. Perhaps she did have her boobs out and as a woman that is something I would also notice!
I watch EastEnders and just lately one of the teenage characters on there has had a bit of an outfit shift and all you see now is low cut tops and boobs, it's the first thing you notice now when she is on screen so I didn't think it was weird when my husband mentioned it as I was thinking the same. The comments online also all note this too (and not just from pervy men as I guess a lot of people who watch EastEnders are female).
If you saw your niece and had seen she was wearing a skimpy top would you not think the same?!

I think this is a common issue for men as their young female relatives grow up. A developing woman's body feels incongruous for someone they knew as a little girl; it disturbs them. Male sexuality is something that is always there in the background, they can turn it down but they can't switch it off completely, even if they want to. That's just an uncomfortable truth.

I'd prefer his reaction to the one my uncle (by marriage at least) had which was to grin and leer at me in my party dress at Christmas during the year I turned 17. He had 100% known me as a baby 😬

I understand what you mean but it's not typically a thing that teenage boys dress in hypersexualised clothing. Boys tend to need to be taught other things about how to present themselves - showering, deodorant, wearing clean rather than unwashed clothes. They don't tend to turn up to family gatherings in low cut tops and booty shorts, and if they did I think they would also get flak for it.

He used the expression “boobs out” to describe a child? Euugh.

I’m shocked so many think this is ok & even a green flag!
It’s never ok for an adult to pass comment on a child’s developing body especially in that manner.
creepy.
its made you feel uneasy because its not ‘normal’

It's tricky as is it not just stating a fact. If niece had long hair and cut it short commenting on niece looks different today, her hair was much shorter would be fine.
If she is sat at the table leaning over in a skimpy top or even just a tight fitting top with boobs very apparent it is going to catch someone's eye.

You are surprised when you see a child suddenly become physically more adult, particularly if you haven't seen them for a while or they are suddenly dressing more like an adult. Boys too suddenly tall, broad and facial hair, where did that lovely little boy go?

I think it was quite honest of him, wouldn’t it be worse if he thought it and kept it to himself? It’s always the quiet ones they say!