AIBU to feel uncomfortable about my partner's comment on teenage niece?

[Gingercatonshed]

If your partner said to you “it was weird how grown up dear niece looks she had her boobs out at the family meal, I still just think of her as being so young” would you find this weird ?

for context partner early 30s and niece is 16. It made me feel uncomfortable not sure if it was genuine “oh she’s turning into a woman” comment from my partner or it its abit Pervy / strange to notice …

I find it creepy.

Because it would have been fine for him to just say 'I was surprised at how grown up she is' but adding 'she had her boobs out' is totally inappropriate.

He is a grown adult sexualising his teenage niece and making her sound like an Only Fan glamour model.

No idea why some people on this thread think it is OK...raise your standards people.

He has no right to make a comment on her body.

This I think. If he had commented something like "she's a young woman now" well maybe that's ok, although for me it brings back the memory of the Sam Fox countdown but the words he used are not acceptable even in private to you. Does he often struggle to express himself appropriately?

He’s 💯 a creep. Is he her uncle? Most men would feel uncomfortable saying their niece has her boobs out.

You don't notice if your niece suddenly develops breasts or you notice but don't say anything? It was a private comment between the uncle of a girl and his partner, he was saying to his partner that he was still thinking of his niece as a little girl and was surprised how adult she was looking at the family meal, his partner wasn't at the meal so he was giving information. The language was a bit descriptive but it was between adults (and not in front of the girl in question), he could have just said she was looking very grown up. But it wasn't a post on facebook saying, 'you should see the knockers on little cheryl now'.

Im not sure, I’ve deffo had a bit of a weirded out feeling when I’ve seen someone who I’ve known since a baby, who I still just remember playing with dolls, then the next time I see them they’re dressed how teenagers dress and it icked me out a bit, like my instinct was she’s too young to be dressed like that!

Then I remember how I dressed at 14 and one particular top that was really low cut that I now can’t believe my parents didn’t burn. I still remember how many adult men would have a good look as they walked passed and I had low self esteem so liked it.

i just hope I don’t get any more prudish as I get older! I don’t want to end up pearl clutching at the youth of today!

He could have said something like 'I'm amazed at how grown up niece is, it really shocked me'...instead of mentioning her boobs at all.
I'd feel uncomfortable with that comment too. It was unnecessary.

If you are going to have your boobs out at any age, people, will look and some will comment. It’s part of growing up as it will never change. It’s about learning when it is fine to have them out and when not. If I see a male jogger with his top off I will look. I doubt the jogger takes his top off whilst having lunch with his aunties. If he did I’m sure he would be asked to put a top on.

But everyone has different personality types and some people are just quite literal and to the point. I would have said boob's as thats what I noticed

This type of comment can be interpreted in either way.

What's making you concerned @Gingercatonshed? Does he have a wandering eye?

I think it's all about context.
We have a family member who has recently starting wearing very skimpy revealing clothing. Good on them but you can see everyone is taken back and sometimes you don't know where to look!
Making a passing comment as your partner has done isn't weird or horrible. It's different if it was said in a derogatory or pervy way.

I wouldn't find that weird at all, its just an observation.

I cant believe people are considering this to be normal. She is 16 . No its not normal. He should stop looking at her chest so much. Super creepy.

I was going to ask what you thought of your niece having her boobs out but you weren’t there. I could well imagine thinking “bloody hell, my niece has got her boobs out at a family meal! She was running around with grassy knees the last time I looked” and not because I’m a pervert. Also, I might find it a bit inappropriate at a family meal where I wouldn’t think the same if she was going to a party. Also the fact he just told you think I think speaks to the fact he was shocked to see them, rather than pleased to see them (yeah I know, gross, sorry).

Is she on his side of the family, ie his sibling’s daughter?
Or is she your sibling’s daughter? (& if so, has he always known her or is he a new partner of yours?)
Not that it really makes a lot of difference, but I think it’s worse if it’s the latter.

Me look at boobs, they cant help it and women who show their boobs know this. However, he should not have commented on them to you, especially about a young girl.

Probably because he thought she was dressed inappropriately for a meal.

It’s the boobs, Dh has a beloved niece (she’s a sweetheart) she changed quite rapidly and he said things along the lines of “she’s grown up so fast!”. He would never ever say anything about her chest, it’s gross. It would be beneath him and her. She didn’t have her boobs out, she just has them, unless she was literally naked.

On MN, a teenage girl could come to a family meal with no top on and everyone would say “why’s he looking?” “He shouldn’t even be noticing.” Speaking personally, I do notice things like that, and not because I’m a creep. I notice people’s clothes, if people have got a tan or look tired, if they’re slouching etc. it’s an observation like any other.

I do not like the concept of “having your boobs out” or “having your legs out” if you are literally just wearing clothes (ie shorts and a vest top)

there is an element of accusing the girl/woman of “showing off her body”, when often she is just a woman with a woman’s body wearing clothes….

Nobody ever says of a man or boy: oh he has got his legs out

the comment itself implies that the observer thinks the girl is showing off body parts just for his gaze

often it is just a girl wearing shorts and a vest

does not sit right with me

(I have often been told “ohhh you got your legs out when I am literally just wearing any old ordinary denim shorts 🤔, no I did not wake up and think let me show off my legs, I just woke up and think it is hot so it is a shorts day)

It seems ok to me but you know him - is he a bit pervy in general? If he is then yes I’d be wary. If he is generally not ketchup then I’d not give another thought.

The test is to reverse it. Would an aunt have been looking at her tits and saying that about her young niece?

I wouldn’t feel comfortable if my DH came out with this and I think comments excusing male lasciviousness show just how low the bar is for some women.

I think when women complain about objectification of women and the behaviour of men towards women, the casual misogyny, the sexualisation of children etc etc then they should be able to identify when it is happening right in front of them.

I’m actually really surprised by the voting here. We are talking about a child. OP’s boyfriend is a grown man.

Exactly this.

Sounds like a fairly typical comment from a male who feels entitled to comment on women's body and dress, to me.

Perhaps men ought to be taught 'propriety' to keep such remarks to themselves, lest they give away where they choose to rest their eyes. . .