AIBU to feel uncomfortable about my partner's comment on teenage niece?

[Gingercatonshed]

If your partner said to you “it was weird how grown up dear niece looks she had her boobs out at the family meal, I still just think of her as being so young” would you find this weird ?

for context partner early 30s and niece is 16. It made me feel uncomfortable not sure if it was genuine “oh she’s turning into a woman” comment from my partner or it its abit Pervy / strange to notice …

Agreed. No need to discuss / highlight the breasts of a 16 year old. She should be safe (est) to try out different styles of clothes at home amongst family.

I don't necessarily think it's creepy. I think if you're used to seeing your young female relative in kids clothes and thinking of them as a child, it is a bit of a shock the first time you see them in grown up clothes especially if they're a bit more revealing, it suddenly makes you think 'oh they're a teen now', which us what it sounds like his comment meant to me. If he was banging on about her boobs,books, or saying anything pervy, or mentions it again, then I'd feel uncomfortable.

I saw a lady jogging yesterday with shorts only covering half of her bum cheeks, and it did register in my brain...I wasn't perving on her but it was something that I could have commented on

Also, you will get a lot of different opinions on this. There was a thread last summer with a mum not wanting her daughter to wear a string thong bikini which was extremely revealing ('postage stamps covering her nipples) on a multi generational family holiday, because she didn't want the grandparents to feel uncomfortable. There were very opposing views - some people said it was appropriate that she cover up as seeing a relative almost naked can make some people feel uncomfortable. Other people said it was completely up to the girl what she wore, people shouldn't be commenting on her body or clothing choices, no one should be shaming her for what she chooses to wear, and if the grandad felt uncomfortable it made him a perv for noticing his grandchilds breasts.

I think it's a normal human thing for noticing flesh on show that's not normally on show. That's different to commenting that someone should cover up or judging them. He just noticed, it doesn't mean he was staring / perving / judging / being negative.

But shouldn't family then be able to safely say what they notice about the outfit?

I used to work in a sixth form, the rule was clean, comfortable and covered. I remember one girl in my class having to be spoken to by a sixth form leader over her boobs falling it. Her vest top was lacy and flimsy, her bra was not supportive and you could see a lot of skin.
While I appreciate there will be comments saying that if that's how she wants to dress people shouldn't comment on it, but not all occasions are appropriate for this kind of outfit (and this student was not one dressing for attention and I don't think realised quite how revealing the outfit was).

But School is preparing for working / professional life - so yes, clean, covered etc. Home, amongst blood replies, you should be able to practice to get things right / balanced. If anything needed saying it would be a female relative 1:1, not OP's example.

but he DID comment and the comment was inappropriate.

This bloke is not a relative, NOT family. The way he phrased his comment, although made privately and not to the child, was massively inappropriate.

Do people not get that noticing is different from commenting and commenting needs to be phrased appropriately regardless of who the comment is made to?

I agree. I know what you mean. 'Hasn't she grown up (at 14)' can come across as really creepy. No comments is best. Ive never heard any of the men in our family comment on our daughters in that way when they were growing up, or even now they are adults. And the fact the OP states it was all in a non pervy way but she still feels there was something off.

Why would you have your tits out at family dinner?

He's a man he's going to notice, the only questionable part is mentioning it in the way he did.

It is properly disgusting for a grown man to be commenting on the breasts of a child, and his partner’s niece who he’s known since he was a child particularly. There is no scenario where it’s okay and I’m shocked by some of the comments on here.

She almost certainly wasn’t sitting there topless.

He has know her a long time and if married then he would be her uncle.

Perhaps he is passing comment onto his girlfriend in hope she lets her sister know that the nieces outfit was inappropriate and if it made a relative pass comment then there will be a lot of other men who also notice.

its his blood niece not mine

That is even worse. Properly disgusting comment. I would be utterly disgusted and mortified if my uncles had ever commented on my breasts. Which they wouldn’t have because they’re not sick in the head.

Why should she care that men might notice? Men should resist perving on teenage girls.

So noticing them is perving?

when it results in comments like that then yes

That makes it worse. There was no reason for him to comment in that way.

If they’re just noticing and not perving, why would the child have to be warned about it?

But it's not perving.

Would you say it was perving if a woman said it?

I personally think he is stating a fact.

If he left out the bit about her boobs being out, it would be fine, but that bit is sooo inappropriate.

I do think sometimes we say things to people we are close to like our spouses that we would never say out loud to other people . It’s likely it was just an observation and not meant in a creepy way . It’s borderline I think . I wouldnt feel comfortable hearing him say it either. At all

But her top was revealing and showing it?