AIBU to feel uncomfortable about my partner's comment on teenage niece?

[Gingercatonshed]

If your partner said to you “it was weird how grown up dear niece looks she had her boobs out at the family meal, I still just think of her as being so young” would you find this weird ?

for context partner early 30s and niece is 16. It made me feel uncomfortable not sure if it was genuine “oh she’s turning into a woman” comment from my partner or it its abit Pervy / strange to notice …

Absolutely.

Maybe the men should learn propriety? Just a thought.

Parents are responsible to teach their female kids propriety, nice clothing, moderation and respect to others by how they show up

I read it more as him feeling a bit uncomfortable about it himself and maybe checking whether you felt the same.

And which was it?

I think its fine its something ive commented on multiple times about family members especially if I haven't seen them in a while and they look significantly different. I don't think its fair only women can comment on these changes sometimes its a bit of a shock as they are not this little girl anymore.

Unless he had his hand on his crotch as he said it, it seems fairly innocent to me.

Round here when there's the slightest bit of sun, the young lads walk round tops off, in shorts. I've never struggled to avoid perving at them, or commenting to others about them. I've seen drunk young lads passed out at the station, never felt the need to assault them.

The issue isn't what the children are wearing. It's the failure of men like you to control yourselves. If you can't, you should stay inside for the safety of the community - take some responsibility.

I think the ‘boobs’ bit is strange rather than a general ‘growing up’ comment. Ok yes they’re there. We see them develop and sometimes with a girl you’ve known since a baby or a child you might think it to yourself it’s a bit of a shock or notice she’s wearing a skin tight top or whatever. But for an adult man to talk about a young girl or woman’s boobs growing to anyone is a bit odd. Imagine if he’d said it about an older woman ‘gosh I’ve noticed aunty jean’s boobs are really sagging and shrinking.’ We would surely think it strange or inappropriate.

Can you say exactly what he said? Your OP isn’t quite clear.
I don’t think it is appropriate for any grown man to comment on a 16 year olds breasts.

I think if thats the thought he thinks is acceptable to say out loud then I dread to think what's going on in his head.

I have never felt the need to comment on my nieces’ breasts. Maybe their height or that they’re young women not girls, but to vocalise that I’ve noticed their breasts seems very odd.

Was he worried she was giving him the eye?

Why would any man in their thirties think that a sixteen year old girl was flirting with them unless they're a fantasist who thinks porn is real life

Totally unacceptable comment. Just an easy rule for life, don’t comment on other people’s bodies. Even if you think that’s ok, perhaps draw the line at commenting on the development of secondary sexual characteristics in children. So fucking gross.

He did not say it to her.
Nor would an Uncle say it to you.

The comment, said just to you, is fine.

Ugh...

This is actually quite mild IMO, particularly in contrast to the pervy sedated rape enthusiast on another thread.

I think it’s horrible he actually mentioned her boobs, rather than saying how grown up she looked. I would have felt sick at the thought of an older male relative passing comment on my boobs when I was that age. Sorry, I think he’s a creep

I would find this really weird. Noticing she looks grown up fair enough. Specifically talking about her boob's...creepy

Boobs out always makes me uncomfy when it’s family, I don’t know why but it really does. Maybe I’m a buttoned up prude. If my sister or niece are showing cleavage I definitely notice and feel awkward and a bit distracted. I am defo not in any way perving them. It’s just weird to me. I imagine your partner may have felt the same.

I agree with you. Comments have been made by my DH regarding our nieces and its always been anout the clothing and how old they looked . There'd never be a reason for him to.comment on their actual.boobs falling out.
I hope it was just crass language rather than anything pervy.

Breasts are a body part its not something to be ashamed of or find odd.

Well let’s hope she never notices the OP’s partner assessing her chest, or making comments about it, because if there’s anything likely to make a child feel uncomfortable about their changing body, it will be unwelcome attention from some creepy uncle she previously thought of as completely safe.

Some of you have got some really fucking weird ideas about what are acceptable comments from men.

I didn’t suggest anyone was ashamed of them. They are secondary sexual characteristics and as such not open to comment from uncles.