AIBU to think a 10pm bedtime and 6am start is relatively normal in your 40s?

[Alwayschillyatnight]

A recent ex found it a real issue that i would go to bed between 9.30 and 10.30 (this is going upstairs to bed, not going to sleep. That takes a while longer!) and then regularly get up around 6-7am.
Twice a week i had to commute into London, about 90 minutes, so i would have to be up by 6 on that days immaterial. The rest of the week it just suited me to keep to that routine. I like being up early and going to bed a bit earlier stops me late night snacking.

The ex, a man in his mid 40s, without children stated categorically (and dont get me started on his always thinking he was right) that "most people our age wouldn't go to bed that early and get up early".

I believe he is skewed by his own - responsibility-free life and his ex wife who was also nocturnal in tendencies.

Personally everybody else i know my age generally keeps similar hours to me , except on rare occasions when you might stay up late to socialise and then regret it the next day!

So who is being unreasonable? This has been bugging me for weeks, despite the fact he is now an ex!

YABU - you live like a nun, he is right. Lighten up and stay up late.
YANBU - you are right and he is living like a teenager because he can and assuming its normal.

Sounds normal to me

Yes normal

He is an ex

You are a woman in your forties. Surely you didn’t need Mumsnet to tell you this

I am a night owl but would love to be an early bird ( like everyone else in my family).
People are different.
I'm surprised your ex can't see that.
Don't spend any extra time thinking about this. Go and enjoy your day!

So who is being unreasonable? This has been bugging me for weeks, despite the fact he is now an ex!

That is… odd. And not healthy

I do this. I have to get up early for work. Does he think every single person starts work at 9am?

That’s my exact routine, has been for a few years, I turned 40 in may

9.30 does sound a bit early to go up to bed, but broadly I agree with you.

Most people have jobs which require us to get up in the morning! That's not unusual. Few people who have to be at work by 8.30 are going to ge up all night.

A recent ex? A one from last year?

Yeah totally normal especially since you need to do a commute a couple of times a week, but 7am is a normal time to get up in the mornings if you’re working anyway, did he not work? Or did he work shifts rather than a 9-5?

Tbf, it was less questioning the hours that bothered me and more his standard approach of stating things categorically in such a way that it felt impossible to challenge him.

Don't get me started on the fact that he kept lecturing me about how having skimmed milk was better and spread instead of butter and sweetener instead of sugar, but he was notably overweight and I am not, and would prefer small amounts of real butter and whole milk, but he was right and I was wrong because he said so.

Wow. I think I need to organise a rant sesison with my friend to get some of this off my chest 🤔😆

this ex… if you’re honest, how “recent”?

I go to bed early & get up early. Other people don’t & that’s okay too. I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable.

Don’t listen to the skimmed milk lecture. It is terrible for you and is what is keeping people overweight.

In an ideal world, I would be early to bed and late to rise. So you’re both being unreasonable.

In the real world, unfortunately, it’s early to bed and early to rise. So YANBU, although staying up late doesn’t mean he’s living like a teenager.

WFH a lot and would get up 20 minutes before start time at 9am.

Mid 40s.

I'm a teacher and get up at about 7am every morning in the school holidays! Work days at 6.30pm

I go to bed at 10pm then read.

Sounds normals.

It is normal, but why on God's green earth do you care what he thinks?

My H is a night owl but now, kids get us up before 6, we have work etc - so he's in bed by 11 these days! Totally normal.

About 6 weeks?
A regrettable reignition of a former relationship.

Please god I have actually learned my lessons now!

I think a 10:30/11pm bedtime is more normal, 9:30 is very early.

But loads of people seem to get up on MNs at 5am to exercise which I would say is also not the norm.

I usually go to bed about 10:30/11 but I don't get up until 7/7:30 so that seems similar to you. Before I had DC though I'd stay up until midnight midnight most nights and get up around 8, get into work around 9:30 (fine in my industry) , but I had a lot more down time, come home from work make dinner then nothing to do other than go to the gym if I wanted. Now it's all ferrying around to clubs getting a ND child through the bath bed routine, making sure everything is ready for school etc, so although I go to bed earlier I get less relaxing time

Yanbu, I'm the same, I try to be in work before 7:30 at the latest so find that I need enough time to properly sleep, then to get up have breakfast and get ready for the day. I usually wake up before the alarm goes off at 6 anyway.

Completely normal.

I'm bed at 10/10:30pm and up at 6/6:30am. Same at weekends. Been like this for years. Late thirties.

Bedtime has to be based on getting up time to a point t least other wise it’s personal preference. We generally go to bed about 10 though not to sleep until after 11 out of choice, especially in winter as it’s cosy

I’m 42! Eyes shut at 10.30 and up at 6am every weekday! Always have a lie in til about 9am Saturday and Sunday!