AIBU to think a 10pm bedtime and 6am start is relatively normal in your 40s?

[Alwayschillyatnight]

A recent ex found it a real issue that i would go to bed between 9.30 and 10.30 (this is going upstairs to bed, not going to sleep. That takes a while longer!) and then regularly get up around 6-7am.
Twice a week i had to commute into London, about 90 minutes, so i would have to be up by 6 on that days immaterial. The rest of the week it just suited me to keep to that routine. I like being up early and going to bed a bit earlier stops me late night snacking.

The ex, a man in his mid 40s, without children stated categorically (and dont get me started on his always thinking he was right) that "most people our age wouldn't go to bed that early and get up early".

I believe he is skewed by his own - responsibility-free life and his ex wife who was also nocturnal in tendencies.

Personally everybody else i know my age generally keeps similar hours to me , except on rare occasions when you might stay up late to socialise and then regret it the next day!

So who is being unreasonable? This has been bugging me for weeks, despite the fact he is now an ex!

YABU - you live like a nun, he is right. Lighten up and stay up late.
YANBU - you are right and he is living like a teenager because he can and assuming its normal.

In the week yes. At weekend if you weren't more flexible can see why it may have been a bit annoying. But also not wrong.

Same here.

Well I would say you dont have to stand up and disagree. Let someone think what they like, what does it matter. Im not a whole big fan of the 'let them' theory, but in this case, definitely 'let them'. You're bigger and better, so who cares what he thinks.

The other thing I try to do is thought blocking techniques, I picture a closing garage door slamming down and trapping the person or the words or the sounds in the garage and then I walk down the drive away from the closed garage. But I have to repeat it a lot, over and over. And different people find different things work for them.

Plenty, but none that would require a 6am alarm. A 6am alarm is only necessary for a flight before 8!

Do you live at the airport? 😂😂

I refuse to believe that anyone who does not live at the airport is setting an alarm for less than two hours before their flight departs.

I hate this idea that early risers are somehow morally superior. I’ve seen people say that it’s because people are less likely to be productive in the evening. I stayed at a family member’s house the other week. I came downstairs at 9 am, showered and dressed and ready for the day. “Good afternoon” says she. Give me strength. It was the day after my mother’s funeral.

I go to bed between 12.30 to as late as 2 p. m. I get up around 8.30 to start work at 10.00. I work until around 7p.m or later.

I really hate the patronising, holier than thou some early to bed/early risers have towards night owls.

I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who goes to bed at 22.00.

Well of course, this is just an example of the competitive nature of this forum, people can travel round the world for months at a time with nothing more than a clutch bag, people can drive from each end of the country in the exact time that Google maps says it will take and never face hours of gridlock or time taken for toilet stops, people can manage a whole family's washing in 3 loads per week, people can decorate a bedroom in one weekend and still have time for a leisurely brunch on the Sunday, people can get tradesmen for prices last seen in 1965

And if you need to be at the airport for a flight at 8am, of course you only set your alarm at 6, in one minute you can get up, eat, wash, finalise your packing (what packing - Im only taking my wallet) get to the airport for your 2 hour check in requirement.

Ive always found this the other way round to be honest, people that go to bed 'early' are seen as childish or stupid or 'less than' in some way, derided etc.

I've spent my entire working career in large, private client law firms. I've never had an 8a.m meeting. There is absolutely no need for it.

To be fair that would have been clearer if I’d said an alarm at 6 or earlier is only necessary for a flight before 8 :)

But I never get to the airport more than an hour before an EU or domestic UK flight, though of course nowadays I do allow more time on the return from the EU. But in that case I don’t book a flight too early!!

You wasn't compatible. The getting up and going to bed us neither here or there, so I haven't voted. It's the mindset of there only being one way to do things, that makes one person in a relationship, wrong.
I get up at 6, I go to bed around 11.30, but zi have ten minute power naps, always have done. I wouldn't be with someone who went to bed as early as you. I'd also want a weekend lie in.

God, men who go around explaining life to women are the pits. He's probably still wondering why you were mad enough to dump such a prize.

For me, it's more like 11pm/7am, but I start at 9 and have a short commute (and DS is now an adult so no school run). Even if it wasn't the standard, so what? Not everybody lives the same life. I mean, most people aren't asleep at lunchtime, but most people don't work night shifts. People start work at different times; people have different commutes (or none); some people find it works for them to do other stuff before work. And different people need different amounts of sleep. He's an arse.

On office days I get home at 6.30 - I'm only back by that time because I start earlier (luckily I'm more productive early in the day) and leaving early and being back by 6.30 is less disruptive to family life.
I make dinner. Clear up dinner, nag children. Go to bed. Such is life.
Wfh days are better because although I don't finish until 6.30pm I'll have been able to prep stuff during lunchbreak etc.

I prefer 12-8 but I don't think that's any more or less right than 10-6.
I'd guess 11-7 is the most common schedule but I can't see how it matters!

Congratulations on getting rid of the arrogant micromanaging prick!

When I was working I used to go to bed around 11-12 pm and get up at 7 am. I regarded those times as pretty normal. Now in retirement I don't have any specific times to get up or go to bed. Today I was up til 4 am.

Some people go to bed earlier but they read or listen to podcasts or radio. Going to bed and going to sleep are two different things.

Yep bed at 10 sleep by 11 and up at 6 leave for commute 7-40. Weekends up at bit later .

I am now in my early 50s but have been doing a 10pm ish bedtime for over 30 years. I get up at 6:45 normally (although that has slipped to 8am recently as I have a much shorter work commute - but I want to get it back to an early start and use that time productively). In fact, in my mid-20s, I was leaving the house at 6:30 daily, from mid-30s it was 07:30 departure but after also getting DD up and ready for the day, and I regularly have early meetings still that mean I need to be up at 6 (or stupidly early flights which can mean anything from 3am-5:30am starts).

The fact you’re even thinking about him let alone agreeing about this 6 weeks later is not a great sign!

I'm asleep by 10 at the latest as my work alarm is 5am during the week. Tbh 10.30/11 is my limit even on weekends as I cannot sleep past 6/6.30am anyway.

OH and I always get in bed super early - why would we sit on the sofa and watch tv when we can cuddle up in bed and watch the same stuff?

👍😁 😺

I wish I could take full credit. I was trying to work out how to dump him whilst minimising fallout when he dumped me. I suspect he saw it coming (and he didnt like me calling him on some of his rudeness - said he wasn't sure he liked the 'new me' - ie - the less broken and subservient one) and was trying to push before I jumped, but I was just grateful I didnt have to do the doing.

Whatever. When im healthy and active i don't mull over shit, but I was one week two of this bug when it ended and im still suffering.

Huh. Think I did maths wrong. It can only have been about 4 weeks since it ended. If that makes any difference.<shrug>

I'm a late to bed by preference. But due to real life, am an early riser so have to be in bed for a reasonable time.

FAB if you have the luxury of not being in bed early. But I think most of us have to amend what we do to fit around work.

That’s pretty much what my colleagues do. I’m a night owl so usually asleep by 1am and up at 7.30am