AIBU to think a 10pm bedtime and 6am start is relatively normal in your 40s?

[Alwayschillyatnight]

A recent ex found it a real issue that i would go to bed between 9.30 and 10.30 (this is going upstairs to bed, not going to sleep. That takes a while longer!) and then regularly get up around 6-7am.
Twice a week i had to commute into London, about 90 minutes, so i would have to be up by 6 on that days immaterial. The rest of the week it just suited me to keep to that routine. I like being up early and going to bed a bit earlier stops me late night snacking.

The ex, a man in his mid 40s, without children stated categorically (and dont get me started on his always thinking he was right) that "most people our age wouldn't go to bed that early and get up early".

I believe he is skewed by his own - responsibility-free life and his ex wife who was also nocturnal in tendencies.

Personally everybody else i know my age generally keeps similar hours to me , except on rare occasions when you might stay up late to socialise and then regret it the next day!

So who is being unreasonable? This has been bugging me for weeks, despite the fact he is now an ex!

YABU - you live like a nun, he is right. Lighten up and stay up late.
YANBU - you are right and he is living like a teenager because he can and assuming its normal.

Well I spent my career in corporates / professional jobs and never needed to get up at 6am, and that was living in many cities in many countries over the years. And I also couldn’t go to bed at 9:30 or 10pm. 10:30/11:00 was my norm. But everyone’s circumstances are different. Although in my peer group I can’t think of anyone who would have needed to get up at 6; whether they chose to or not I have no idea! I wouldn’t be spending much time worrying about what other do though.

6am is when my alarm goes off on weekdays. That’s a perfectly normal time for an adult with a job and responsibilities. When I was wfh during covid it was perhaps an hour later.

Lots of people don't need mumsnet to tell them stuff, but they ask anyway.

And im sitting on my sofa with 2 anti social cats, on a Sunday, the kids are with their dad, I'm still recovering from a horrible virus and I have bugger all to do (well this isn't strictly true. I have lots to do but I'm not well enough)except watch gruesome murder dramas and ruminate.

So I thought I'd annoy you, and the rest of mumsnet. You're welcome.

About half of Britons (48%) go to sleep from around 10pm to around 11pm, while one in eight (12%) go to bed at around 9.30pm or earlier. Just over one in four (27%) go to bed between around 11:30pm and around 12.30pm, while 11% of Britons turn in at around 1am or later.
Men are more likely than women to go to bed later at night: 43% of men go to bed from around 11:30pm onwards compared to 32% of women.
Younger Britons are the most likely to go to bed very late (at around 1am or later): 17% of 16-24 year olds say they do so, compared to 12% of those 25-39 and 8-9% of those aged 40 and above.

from YouGov but irrelevant as I don’t think that’s the issue with your ex

I don't see what age has go to do with it. Even when I was going to college or university, I used to get up by 6.30, as classes started early. Its not a matter of choice. Yeah, what time you sleep is personal. 10pm is pretty normal.

I get up at 6am on my work days because I start at 7am, still in bed now.

Why is this person taking up space in your head?

That is what the thread should be about

I think 11pm is more usual for adult bedtimes.

I am a night owl, and I’d never think your hours are normal! I can work until 3 am, but only get up at 6 am in a month of Sundays!

When DC were children, I had to get up at 7.30 am to get them to school; and I never took a job, which started before 9.30 am. For the last 16 years, I worked in DH’s office in London, where we did flexi time - mainly, we caught a train off peak after 9.30 am, stopped at Pret for a coffee and then worked from 11 am - 6.30 pm.

Now we are late 60s and only wfh part time. We have a cup of tea in bed at 8.30 am, read the newspapers on our tablets for an hour and get up at 9.30 am for breakfast. We go to bed 11 pm - midnight.

It’s bliss!

Well, partly from lack of anything better to distract me.

Partly trying to reprogramme myself from letting stuff go when I disagree with it. In the future I want to be able to stand up and disagree .

i dont want him to take up space in my head. I suspect at least part of it is ADHD. Ive had to come off my meds because I'm sick. Emotional regulation and ruminating are a lot worse off meds.

If you have any good tips for moving on then I'd be very grateful. Genuinely.

It is nothing to do with his life or your previous work.
Some people are larks. You are. Some are owls.

Or, you have a preference to getting up early and going to bed early.
Unless you are from the Med. Who seem to be able to burn the candles at both ends and get up early and go to bed late. Perfectly with ease.

To clarify in my second paragraph when I say ‘you’, I don’t mean you personally.
But people generally. In case of confusion.

Thats early to go to bed but everyone needs different amounts of sleep. Do whatever makes you feel best. We all have different body clocks.

9:30 is on the early side I think, it is definitely too early for me. If I am in bed more than 8 hours, I feel worse the next day.
I also play netball and some of my matches start at half 9 (mid week)

However,my husband has started to retreat to bed around half 9, though he is up earlier than me. We rarely go to bed at the same time mid week as we have different sleep needs.

Bedtime largely extent dictated by work schedule, surely? I think it’s a daft comment from him. My natural inclination would be to sleep and rise late but it just doesn’t fit with my job. I do have a different pattern depending on whether I’m going into the office but everything I’ve heard about sleep hygiene says you should stick to a routine, so you’re doing it the right way!

Personally if I went to bed that early I’d be awake in the early hours and just going back to sleep when the alarm goes off. I also don’t get up early if I don’t have to, I am not sure if you meant that you keep to the 6am get up at weekends or just the rest of your working week but 6am at weekends sounds crazy to me. So not normal for me in my 40s, I go to bed between 11-12 and get up at 7.30 on wfh days or 6.30 on office days and around 8.30/9 at the weekend.

When working it was bed no later than 10, straight to sleep and.up at 5.30. Pleased to note he is an ex. Curious why skimmed milk makes you fat.

late thirties here, in winter we go to bed to watch tv or read a book as early as 8.30pm! Then would go to sleep around 10pm, 6am wake up time for both of us. I need 8h of sleep!

Sounds fine to me. I go to bed late, but I don’t usually wake up before about 8.

Yeah, i still wake up at 6ish on weekends. I might stay in bed and read or doomscroll for an hour, but I'll always be up by 7, have a cup of tea with the cats and enjoy some peace and quiet while the kids are still asleep - god knows i don't get any peace in the evenings as they're both up later than me!

When im not sick ill whizz round and clean up so the house is nice for the day before i have to start dealing with the zombies.

Joys of being the only grown up in the house - not a lot of down time.

A relationship with someone who doesn’t keep the same times as you will never work so it doesn’t matter, I can’t go to bed that early as I’d have 0 child free time but if it works for you who cares?

Funnily enough its the inverse for me - I get my childfree time at the start of the day!

He sounds insufferable.

And wrong, by the way - all those 90s / noughties processed diet substitutes have been proven to make one fatter anyway. Your way is probably the reason you aren’t fat in the first place.

Regardless. People keep different hours. No such thing as ‘normal’. I’m your age and love a lie-in. Never occured to me to pay attention to what others do, i do what works for me.

I go to bed later and get up a bit later but loads of people I know in their 40s do similar to what you describe

Oh dear. There are advantages to both whole and skimmed, but it's not terrible for you and doesn't make you fat!