AIBU to think a 10pm bedtime and 6am start is relatively normal in your 40s?

[Alwayschillyatnight]

A recent ex found it a real issue that i would go to bed between 9.30 and 10.30 (this is going upstairs to bed, not going to sleep. That takes a while longer!) and then regularly get up around 6-7am.
Twice a week i had to commute into London, about 90 minutes, so i would have to be up by 6 on that days immaterial. The rest of the week it just suited me to keep to that routine. I like being up early and going to bed a bit earlier stops me late night snacking.

The ex, a man in his mid 40s, without children stated categorically (and dont get me started on his always thinking he was right) that "most people our age wouldn't go to bed that early and get up early".

I believe he is skewed by his own - responsibility-free life and his ex wife who was also nocturnal in tendencies.

Personally everybody else i know my age generally keeps similar hours to me , except on rare occasions when you might stay up late to socialise and then regret it the next day!

So who is being unreasonable? This has been bugging me for weeks, despite the fact he is now an ex!

YABU - you live like a nun, he is right. Lighten up and stay up late.
YANBU - you are right and he is living like a teenager because he can and assuming its normal.

Normal! I'm asleep usually by 9.30 up at 5.30/6am. Apart from today I slept in till 10am must of needed it!

I don't think its reasonable or unreasonable. You schedule your life to suit you. Not sure why its bothering you if he is now an ex?

His bossy self-absorption is depressingly normal (but definitely best swerved).

Your level of self-doubt and need for external validation is unusual.

You and he have different lifestyles. So what?

Any relationship is based on mutual respect and this bloke didn’t respect you.

You’ve never had an 8am meeting?

Sounds ideal to me! I'm in my 40s and a single parent, so I'm used to getting up at 7am on school mornings. I don't even bother trying to have lie ins these days, because I know I'll be wide awake 😂

Why?

Sounds pretty normal, I’m more like 11pm (actually asleep before 12am)-7am wake up, so the same amount of sleep, pretty normal really if you have a job.
I’d probably prefer bed earlier if I lived alone but like having an hour to watch something I like after DDs have gone to bed (eldest is 15 so normally goes up about 10pm).
I never have lie ins any more, I’ll get up and take a coffee back to bed sometimes on the weekend but can’t actually sleep much later on weekends compared to work days

They’re pretty much my times too.

Getting up at 6am when you don't need to seems like madness to me. But if doesn't matter what I, or anyone else, thinks - there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

There is nothing wrong with being a night owl either though - just an incompatibility.

I think there is a differentiation between readers and non readers. I couldn’t have an 11pm bedtime because I would then be reading until midnight and tired the next day. So I have a 10ish bedtime to make sure I’m actually sleeping by 11pm after reading.

I also want to know.

I think if you have a child-free life, you have more flex over your sleep and waking times….

I was always a night owl but having children has pushed me into a 10-5 (or 9-5…) sleep schedule.

If I wasn’t woken up at the crack of dawn by children / need to get everyone ready / commuting - I’d probably sleep later. And then I’d be less tired / worried about the morning - so I could stay up later!

I fear I’m probably trapped in this routine for life now.

I'm up at 6:25am, because I need to be leaving the house at 7:10 or 7:40, depending which shift I'm on. I've got my "getting ready routine" down to an art, and don't think I could leave getting up much later.
I've always needed quite a lot of sleep, so most work nights I'm thinking of heading up for my shower and bed any time between 8:30 and 9:30pm!

Up to you chick. For me midnight is an early night no matter what time I need to be revved up in the morning. I’ve always been this way. Night owl and cannot function in the mornings

I struggle to get to sleep after 10pm and regularly wake up at 5am (hormones).

Last time DH took DS away without me I ended up going to bed at 9pm. Then I had a 2 hour walk before work.

We get up at 4.15am and are in bed by 8.30pm without fail. Even on a weekend or day off, we’re up by 5am.

That wouldn’t be enough sleep for me. I need nine hours ( the average is eight) so I’m in bed by 9 and hopefully asleep by 9:30. Alarm at 6:30.

If he is someone who needs less sleep, bully for him, but he doesn’t get to dictate your schedule.

Ok im 33 but do goto bed alot later usually 11.30 to midnight, but i do try and wake with a run in the morning. Maybe in another 7 years things will have changed

Totally normal. He sounds ridiculous.

I'm in bed by 10 and up at 6 and I am retired.

If you have any good tips for moving on then I'd be very grateful. Genuinely.

@Alwayschillyatnight Voodoo.

Honestly any rabbit hole of something you might have had a passing interest in but never really looked into it. Creepy Pasta is my go to rabbit hole. Read rather than watch helps too.

Fwiw partner is in his 20s, needs 8 hours of sleep or he's a grump. He has to leave for work at 6am so he is in bed before 10pm too. I function on a lot less sleep.

It was easy for him Op, if you roll out of bed 20 mins before work starts at home you can stay up til midnight.
You're brooding on it because you're not feeling well, put Netflix on and forget him, or make a little effigy of him out of butter and drown it some whole milk 😁

Well it depends on your job and travel doesn’t it? I used to have a 1.5 hour commute so would sleep at 10pm and be up at 6am. Later on I got a WFH job and I still prefer to be in bed by 10pm but can afford to stay up til 11pm. I’m up at 7am to do the dog walk and school run before work starts. When’s there’s no school, I wake up at 8am. So it really depends on what time you start work, and any other responsibilities beforehand. Interesting you’re talking about the milk, butter & sugar thing. When I used full fat and sugar I never struggled with my weight. Lately I’ve switched to margarine and skimmed milk because of my gall bladder and I’ve gained weight! I can’t go back to full fat because of the gall bladder. But very interesting indeed, as I felt fuller for longer but now feel hungry a lot!

I don't have children, and I'm about the same age.

Firstly, I think you're too invested in what he thinks. He's destabalised your view of something very obvious and you need to come on Mumsnet to tell you that your routine is entirely normal for your age group, including people who don't have children.

If he had a brain, he would be able to calculate that most people need around 8 hrs sleep, often longer if they're not sleeping deeply or their sleep is distractible. If you have to get up at 7am (which is normal for a lot of people who have 9am starts and commutes that are an hour or more), then that's an 11pm bedtime, at the latest. Some people can cut that if they only need 7 hrs, or if they can get out of the house in 30 minutes, but longer than that is the norm I'd say.

Either he's thick, or he enjoys baiting you OP or making you doubt yourself for kicks.

Goodness, I start thinking about going to bed at about 8:30 and am generally up at 6am. I’m much more productive and happy that way.