AIBU to think a 10pm bedtime and 6am start is relatively normal in your 40s?

[Alwayschillyatnight]

A recent ex found it a real issue that i would go to bed between 9.30 and 10.30 (this is going upstairs to bed, not going to sleep. That takes a while longer!) and then regularly get up around 6-7am.
Twice a week i had to commute into London, about 90 minutes, so i would have to be up by 6 on that days immaterial. The rest of the week it just suited me to keep to that routine. I like being up early and going to bed a bit earlier stops me late night snacking.

The ex, a man in his mid 40s, without children stated categorically (and dont get me started on his always thinking he was right) that "most people our age wouldn't go to bed that early and get up early".

I believe he is skewed by his own - responsibility-free life and his ex wife who was also nocturnal in tendencies.

Personally everybody else i know my age generally keeps similar hours to me , except on rare occasions when you might stay up late to socialise and then regret it the next day!

So who is being unreasonable? This has been bugging me for weeks, despite the fact he is now an ex!

YABU - you live like a nun, he is right. Lighten up and stay up late.
YANBU - you are right and he is living like a teenager because he can and assuming its normal.

I'm a night owl so keep much later hours, and WFH. So bedtime is 11.30pm and I get up at 7.15am to do the school run at 8.30. But I have had much earlier starts in my twenties, commuting to Canary Wharf from the Met line, so I got up at 6am. But there were no children or real responsibilities then, so my life wasn't restricted or dictated to by anyone else.

I've never been an early bird except for when I commuted. My DH is going to bed earlier these days as his blood pressure medication makes him tired, but luckily we don't have early bird children either. 🤣😐🤣

Not remotely. I've never met anyone in their 40s who chooses to go to bed at 10 and wake at 6.

Everyone I know of all ages would probably wake up no earlier than 8am. But many would prefer 10-11am. With a later bedtime.

I go to bed at about 11 and wake up ideally at 10. But it's usually about 9.30. I wake up a lot and don't have good quality sleep. I feel tired a lot of the time!

I am 45 and I would hate that

I love waking up naturally at 5.30/6am…. Quiet coffee, quiet dog walk, gym is quiet. Lovely

My hours at work are 830-5. Wish I could wake up 'no earlier than 8'.

That's fair enough. Each to their own. I guess I'm naturally drawn towards lazy people or night owls!

Yeah, no, i hate when I get up after 10am on the few occasions it happens. I feel like I've lost half the day and that time in the evening doesn't feel the same to me.

And tbh the AIBU was not really about which version is reasonable, different strokes for different folks, it was the assumption that my hours were inherently wrong because they were different from his. I knew it wasn't the case and it irritated me so it seemed like a good AIBU to discuss.

And now I just need to get over my irritation at him and my broken heart from the much bigger loss that happened last year and move on. Properly. Without stupid imaginary conversations in my head constantly.

LOL I am in my 40s and me and all of my friends in their 40s are similar to the OP.

I dont know anyone going through peri menopause who is physically able to sleep in until 10am- all of us have found we are wide awake at 6am

100% disagree. My husband and I are polar opposites. He can go to bed at 9.30, get up at 4/5 am, be at work by 6 and home by 3. This means I could go to bed later, be up at 8 to do school drop off at 9, be at work at 10 and home between 6&7. No daily childcare required for out of school hours. Even during the baby stage when I was on mat leave, it worked perfectly. He’d go off to bed at 9.30, I’d stay up until the 12am feed, I’d go to bed and he’d be up at 4am to do the next shift, put the baby back down and I’d sleep until she woke between 8&9. I got a lie in at the weekends, he never had to do any of the middle of the night stuff. It was win win.

Sticking to a consistent schedule like you do is good for your health and your sleep.

He sounds like an irritating know it all who you're better off without.

More like massively insecure so had to be right to feel in control.

Either way, better off out. I had started shrinking myself to fit and I swore I wouldn't do that again.

In bed for 9:30pm up around 5:30am everyday. It suits my lifestyle and that golden sunshine with a coffee in hand is one of life’s joys. I have reached that point in my life where staying in bed feels like I’m wasting the day, it’s not for everyone but my life has improved so much since getting into this routine.

Really? Interesting. I remember when I used to wake up at 6am. It was when I was in hospital for 5 weeks, then I kept on doing it for a couple of years. It felt horrible! So yeah, I did wake up early but not on purpose. Thankfully I broke the habit.
I kind of think if it's due to peri or illness etc then it's not really by choice!

YANBU - I go up to bed at 8.45/9 asleep by 10/10.30 and get up between 5-6am and that’s by choice! I wfh 99% of the time! Love an early night, love an early morning!

I think it depends on what you do when you “go to bed” too actually. We don’t have a TV in our bedroom, so when I go to bed, I want the light out and to sleep - I don’t read in bed, and my phone goes in a docking station. My DP often goes to bed much earlier than me, but will potter around on his phone and still be awake when I come in, often with a cat needing evicted from my side.

He’d hate my life. I go to bed at 1-2am and get up at 7 due to caring responsibilities. I look as tired as I feel. I dream of a 9.30-6am stretch.

I feel like the odd one out, just turned 40 go to bed between 8.30 and 9pm! I get up around 5am to workout prior to my 9-5 job, im usually shattered by then

Neither of you is wrong. Both of you are right for yourselves. I consider 11 am an early night, but I regret that on the days I have 6am gym class.

to get enough rest thats a good time, for me i usually push it till around 12/1am and up at 8am

10 o'clock is bedtime! A hard line bedtime. I'm often in bed way before that as I'm very tired. 6am is also a normal start time on a weekday.

Totally normal. He’s living the life of a teenager. Unattractive, although if he has no responsibilies it’s up to him I guess. How did he get to work on time if he didn’t get up before 7?

On his office days he would try to go to bed a bit earlier than usual and then have to get up early no matter what.
He also has the happy ability to be able to get back to sleep when he gets woken, which I do not. I also prefer unbroken sleep to stop start sleep.

Ignore your ex, he is gone and you are free to live how YOU want it’s your life.

Sorry can you explain this? Why does skimmed milk keep people overweight?

Perfectly normal. In fact I get up at 4-30 am and I’m on my feet all day. Normally 11 hour work days. I’m sometimes in bed by 8pm. I go to bed when I’m tired never by the time. Some days I need 8 hours sleep sometimes only 6. On the weekends I’m normally up by 7am

Neither of your options are correct.

I certainly don't want to go to bed at 10 and get up again 6 and it wouldn't work for me to be in a relationship with someone who did.

That doesn't make them a nun and it doesn't make me a teenager!