AIBU to think a 10pm bedtime and 6am start is relatively normal in your 40s?

[Alwayschillyatnight]

A recent ex found it a real issue that i would go to bed between 9.30 and 10.30 (this is going upstairs to bed, not going to sleep. That takes a while longer!) and then regularly get up around 6-7am.
Twice a week i had to commute into London, about 90 minutes, so i would have to be up by 6 on that days immaterial. The rest of the week it just suited me to keep to that routine. I like being up early and going to bed a bit earlier stops me late night snacking.

The ex, a man in his mid 40s, without children stated categorically (and dont get me started on his always thinking he was right) that "most people our age wouldn't go to bed that early and get up early".

I believe he is skewed by his own - responsibility-free life and his ex wife who was also nocturnal in tendencies.

Personally everybody else i know my age generally keeps similar hours to me , except on rare occasions when you might stay up late to socialise and then regret it the next day!

So who is being unreasonable? This has been bugging me for weeks, despite the fact he is now an ex!

YABU - you live like a nun, he is right. Lighten up and stay up late.
YANBU - you are right and he is living like a teenager because he can and assuming its normal.

I'm not sure I could sleep at 10pm tbh. Had an airport run at 4am recently so tried going to bed early as still awake. Usually sleep around midnight/ 12.30 and up by 7.

I'm 55

I love a lie in until 10ish on the weekends, but on working days (bog standard 9-5 with a fairly short commute) I keep virtually the same hours as you. I don't get how you would be lying in past 8 most days if you have work!

Night owl here too. However I wish I was an early bird as think they are usually more productive!

I do think this is quite a fundamental incompatibility actually.

Initially it wasnt by choice but now I absolutely love it and 6am is my favourite part of the day- its so peaceful and quiet and I get a work out done. I wont ever go back to lying in - makes me feel groggy and gross now.

Perimenopause is kicking my arse and has been for the last 5 years. I don’t sleep properly anyway and I have to be up at 6am for work. I’m in bed anywhere between 8:30pm and 9pm. DH starts work at 6 and he’s in bed just gone 9pm. I’m just done and wiped out by 7pm so struggle to get through until bedtime.

Normal ... In Winter id go up get cosy and watch television in bed at 9pm sometimes earlier.summer time i sit outside when its nice until late .

YABU to think that your wake/sleep pattern is ‘normal’. I know very few people who get up that early, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t if you want to.

Roughly 25% of the population are ‘larks’, who naturally prefer to get up early and go to bed early.

There is no ‘should’ or ‘normal’. It’s a personal preference.

Personally I wouldn’t like to date someone who needed to be in bed by 10pm on a Saturday night though.

'Normal'? Why this obsession with conformity? So be unusual, if it suits you! But your hours don't seem ALL that odd.

Yep, bed by 10 at the latest, up at 5.40 for the gym - maybe a little sleep in on the weekend until 6.15 when I wake up naturally (unfortunately)

I can understand the frustration of being with a partner who insists on going to bed early as that could get quite boring, then being woken up early is also a pain. But if your work requires that what are you supposed to do about it?
I personally find getting up
at 6 exhausting. I go to bed around 11 and get up around 7.15.,

DH follows early to bed early to rise, he is your typical early bird.

I on the other hand am your nightowl. Struggle to sleep before midnight.

We work.

OP - you do whatever sleep schedule works for you! Your partner needs to be accepting it even if it doesnt match their own.

Sounds normal to me. I get up just before 7 and aim to be in bed before 11. Doesn’t always happen but 7 hours sleep is ideal

9.30/10pm is fairly early in my opinion, but in fairness 7 - 8 hours per night is recommended so that’s 10pm / 11pm latest if you wake at 6pm which isn’t far off

I'm a bed at 11pm up at 7am type, but 10pm is quite normal for a week night.
Id go to bed earlier but I dont eat dinner til 9pm so like some chill time before going to bed.

I'm 42. Love getting in bed early- like 930pm, it's the first time I get to relax all day. I watch or listen to something. Sometimes I'm asleep before 10, othertimes not. I get up 6-630. Weekends slightly later but not much, I do parkrun on Saturday and a long run on Sunday. I have a friend who gets up a similar time to me but is never in bed before 12 and she doesn't cope well with it but won't change anything.

Nearly fifty... Can't get to sleep before 11pm. We often go out for a walk in the late evenings. I used to leave for work at 07:45 but didn't go to bed earlier than that. I naturally wake up at 08:30ish. I don't need more than eight hours sleep!

I go up to bed at 9pm, but that includes brushing and flossing teeth, doing stretches, taking vitamins, having a little doom scroll and then reading. I turn the light off around 10.15pm. I get up at 5.30am for work. I usually go to bed around the same time on a weekend and wake up between 6am and 7am. I’ve found keeping to a regular routine makes me sleep much better. Plus, I get a lot more done now!

I try to be asleep by 11 as I get up at 6 o'clock 4 days a week, then at 5.30 on my office day. I walk the dog on the days I'm not in the office, hence getting up when I do so it's done in good time for me to start work.

Who are these people who prefer to get up at 10am? Don't they work?

ETA: I'm 49.

I go to bed at 8.30pm i get to sleep about 6am. I get up about 11am. But i have a broken ankle and terrible sleep problem atm.

Not normal for us but we are night owl 40 somethings!

I have lark-ish tendencies. My alarm is set for 6.15 on work days, and im generally in bed for 10 (lights out before half past).

DH is very much an owl. He really struggles to go to sleep before midnight. Fortunately he wfh the majority of the time, so can roll out of bed around 9am!

I did a lot of the early mornings with young kids. He is now doing much of the teenage taxi-ing at silly o'clock in the evenings!

I WFH go to bed around midnight get up at 8ish im not by nature a sleepy type of person. As a child went to bed 8/9ish for school as I became a teenager around 10pm. Never earlier than that. My mother is a night owl very fit slim and goes to bed around 2am she’s in 70s but gets up at 8ish every morning grandmother did same. No naps in day. Sleep patterns are inherited I believe. My older sister is in 50s and she’s up very late also now but looks about 15yrs younger than her age. So it’s all to do with genes in my opinion. My father always went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 6am.

Its how longs a piece of string question. Some people need more sleep then others. I personally need a lot of sleep.

Honestly most people I know in our 30s have moved onto this schedule!

I do have a couple of friends who are night owls and late risers but they’ve always been like that. They are the minority

Asshole behaviour of your ex. Don’t doubt yourself

I go to bed between 10 and 11pm, I read before sleep. Usually asleep between 11 and 11.30pm. Up 6.30 - 7 in the week and about 7 - 7.30 on a weekend.