AIBU to end things with fiance who contributes nothing financially?

[Thereandbackagainagain]

Just had yet another row with my fiance about money and effort. I’m so completely fed up.

For context, he has not properly worked for nearly 18 months. Hasn’t contributed ANYTHING to the joint account for that whole time. Hadn’t paid enough NI even when he was working (ad hoc minimal hours but relatively well paid per hour) to be able to get JSA or any other benefit. Basically, I’m expected to support him.

He hasn’t stepped up to do more at home. Won’t cook. Will only clean once I’ve reminded him about five times then gets snappy. I’m running myself ragged working 50-60 hours a week to keep paying the mortgage and bills then come home to a mess. He uses the joint account to buy (what I think are) luxuries like vapes and alcohol only he drinks.

I cannot afford to keep doing this, mentally or financially. But how the hell do I end it when he’s got no income?

Declare him homeless.

Does he not have any family to go back to or have they had the same experience in the past and were glad when you took him off their hands?

What’s your living situation?
can you ask him to leave?
what he does isn’t your problem, he’s an adult, he can figure it out.

FFS OP, you have yourself a bona fide cocklodger! It's not your problem that he has no income. Tell him asap that it's not working (well he's certainly not!) and the relationship is over. He'll have to find his own way and maybe it'll give him the kick up the butt he needs to support himself. Don't stay out of misplaced guilt.

I don’t even understand why you’ve dealt with this for a year and a half already. Get some self respect, he certainly isn’t respecting you so you’re going to have to start looking out for yourself.

Kick the lazy scrounger out on his arse. Where he goes is not your problem.

🚨🚨🚨Cocklodger 🚨🚨🚨

Tell him to pack his stuff and leave. The gravy train is over.

Op, best advice I can give to you .. run like the wind and don’t look back .
No need for any poster to write dissertations on this cocklodger.
Get rid

Yes I’d end it, he’s shown you who he is and what he’s happy to live like.

A joint account should be for shared bills that both of you contribute too, not for him to treat like a pocket money account.

I’d only put enough in there to cover the bills, or I’d open a new account to pay that money into so he doesn’t have access. It’s one thing for you to cover the bills temporarily (I hope) but another to fund him!

Call off the wedding. You cannot afford to marry.
Is DF studying?
Does he have prospects of earning?
Do you have children? Is he doing the child care?

Do you wish to marry a person who vapes?
Do you wish to marry a person who steals to drink alcohol?

I would call it quits, refinance the house to something I could manage alone. Give accurate feedback to DF as to why you can not continue the relationship.

Sorry this is happening, I’m sure this isn’t what you signed up to when you moved in together. How long have you been with him and who owns the house you both live in?

Honestly, what are you getting out of this relationship? Get rid asap. There is someone better out there for you.

I would be ending the relationship asap - why on earth would you want to marry someone like that…?!

Practicality wise - is the house in both your names? Joint tenants or tenants in common and what split? Who paid the deposit and is it documented/protected?

What do you mean how do you end it when he’s no income. The same way you end it if he did. Hey bob, it’s over, can I ask you to move out by x date .

Are you renting or own? Who's on the tenancy or is it joint owned.
If rented find somewhere else and then tell him your ending the tenancy and your relationship. Prepare for the woe is me it's been so hard not working I'm suffering with my MH - he could be but send him down the Dr's.

Oh, and move money out if the joint account asap

If he doesn’t contribute (money or housework) he doesn’t get to take out

Ditch! Firstly, sit him down and tell him the joint account is being closed. Then just tell him things are not working out and ask him to leave.

I hope he's not on the mortgage, because that could make things awkward financially.

You feel bad to kick him out op.

but he isn’t extending you any courtesy is he.

She said in the original post that there’s a mortgage

We’re joint tenants on the house. Together for 12 years, engaged for 5 years but not married as I became ill about 6 months before we were due to marry and decided to postpone. But the money issues and disparity in effort started during my recovery and those doubts stopped me from rearranging a date.

The unemployment has really just been the cherry on the cake.

His parents are fairly nearby but would not want to support him.

End the relationship and he needs to leave.

I’m sure there’ll be some demented soul on here that’ll tell us about his ‘depression’ & how the original poster needs to support him in his hour of need! Me? I’d have his bags & vapes out the door before you can say lamber& butler!

OP you just tell him this relationship isn't working and ask him to leave, give him a couple of weeks notice or even a month if you're feeling generous. Where did he live when you met him?

A pp said open a new bank account in your name only which is a really good idea as when you split up you're going to have to do that anyway. Stop paying money into the joint account.

Luckily for you, he's showed his true colours before you married.

Edited because i've just seen that you're joint tenants on the house. In that case, you're going to have to give notice and fine somewhere else to live - you know he's simply not going to leave don't you?

Kick him out and then he becomes responsible for himself.

my dp was redundant, and then spent every day looking fir jobs, adapting his cv according to Job applied for, stopped having luxuries, etc.

He will find some desperate woman to live with this is what cocklodgers do. He's not your responsibility

It’s not so much the not being employed that’s the issue for me. The job market is tough. It’s everything else. My partner was unemployed for a while but he did everything around the house, cooked, cleaned as he had time. He also sold a lot of his stuff and only brought the bare minimum out of respect for me. He also worked his butt off writing job applications.