AIBU to end things with fiance who contributes nothing financially?

[Thereandbackagainagain]

Just had yet another row with my fiance about money and effort. I’m so completely fed up.

For context, he has not properly worked for nearly 18 months. Hasn’t contributed ANYTHING to the joint account for that whole time. Hadn’t paid enough NI even when he was working (ad hoc minimal hours but relatively well paid per hour) to be able to get JSA or any other benefit. Basically, I’m expected to support him.

He hasn’t stepped up to do more at home. Won’t cook. Will only clean once I’ve reminded him about five times then gets snappy. I’m running myself ragged working 50-60 hours a week to keep paying the mortgage and bills then come home to a mess. He uses the joint account to buy (what I think are) luxuries like vapes and alcohol only he drinks.

I cannot afford to keep doing this, mentally or financially. But how the hell do I end it when he’s got no income?

You love him? After he's been showing you for months and months that he doesn't really love you?

Because someone who loves you wouldn't demand you finance everything and run yourself into the absolute ground on top of it at home while you're not well yourself and while they do fuck all about getting a job and spending any money they do have on luxuries for themselves.

They're using you, not loving you.

Wake up. Tell him the relationship is over, you're done, and the house is going on the market. If he refuses, tell him you'll get a court order to sell it but that will cost him money, too, and you will pursue the costs.

Thanks, I was just thinking it would be easier for you to get out of a joint tenancy than a joint mortgage. Good luck

Close your joint account and have bill and mortgage paid from an account in your sole name. He has no right to access to your funds. He can claim universal credit as you have split up and tell them he is remaining in the house till he leaves/ he finds somewhere else/ it is sold.
See a solicitor about what you are likely going to have to pay him to get him out.
A mortgage adviser will advise you if you can get a mortgage for the amount you need in your sole name.
Do not give him any ‘spends’ or fund him at all. UC will give him an advance on his first payment.

This will not get better. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. It may be painful and expensive to get out now but it will only get worse the longer you leave it.

On the practicalities - Cancel the joint account immediately (if you can’t close it without his permission, make sure your money goes into your own account and that no overdraft or debt is allowed on the joint account. The bank CAN do this, so don’t take no for an answer. Put in writing that the share of the mortgage and bills he doesn’t pay is a debt to you and will come out of his share of the house. Decide whether you can buy him out, if not the put the house on the market. Stop doing anything for him (washing, cooking), and sleep separately. Good luck.

Also if benefits are his sole income he can claim council tax supper for his 50% of the council tax. This will be a deduction on your bill rather than cash paid to him.

His parents are fairly nearby but would not want to support him.

And…..?? That doesn’t mean you have to support him! He’s an adult, it’s not for you or his parents to support him, he needs to support himself

I don't understand why he can't claim UC? It's not based on past NI contributions? A teen just out out of FTE could claim it having never worked before. UC for job seekers?

So he's lying to you about that as well. Or he's probably claiming and spends it all in one day. Which isn't difficult tbf. But yeah get rid of him if he seems like he's taking advantage.

Stop paying anything for him.
Stop allowing him access to your salary.
You are being abused financially.
Get legal advice.

Well done for tracking your extra payments.
You are not married.
He is not your dependent.

You need to get half the house value plus all your costs back.

He doesn't love you.
He thinks you are a soft fool to be used.

Stop allowing him to use you.

If you have a mortgage you are jointly liable for any and all repayments. So you must keep paying if he doesn't.

The joint tennant/tennant in common is how you own the house at the Land registry so if either of you die if it transfers the other or is left to someone else

Joint tenants means equal responsibility of the loan and equal ownership

Close the joint account, pay the bills from your personal account and ask him to leave.
Offer to buy him out, if he doesn't agree, you will have to sell and buy again with your half.

You may still love him but do you actually see a future?

How old are you?

Are you prepared to put your life on hold for this man?

What does your life look like in 12 months if you were happy and in a better place. Take steps to move to that.

Why have you been putting up with this shit? Kick the lazy, grifting fucker out and change the locks.

Also, there is absolutely NO way he'd have had access to MY hard-earned cash.

Do NOT marry this man! Take it from someone who married someone who contributed very little. His contribution became zero then we divorce due to his multiple affairs and he got awarded half of everything I had worked so hard for for decades!

Only ever marry someone your financial equal. Get rid and fast!

Breaking up is the best thing for both of you. You are actually doing him a kindness by forcing him to stand on his own two feet.

You just end it. He is not your responsibility. He’s an adult and can make his own choices. It’s one thing to be out of work but another to do nothing and act like a moody teenager.

Close account BEFORE you tell him

Ah.. the lesser walleted cocklodger.. get him gone OP.

Agree you need legal and financial advise over this, OP.

Meantime, if you can't close the joint account and transfer bill payments to your personal account, then stop putting a lump sum in every month. Just cancel the overdraft and transfer over the exact amount the evening before each direct debit is due, and that way there are no funds available that he can spend on his own items. If he adds the overdraft facility back on, take it off again. And keep repeating. Or if you must do it the way you currently are, stop labelling the top-up payments as "extra household". Call it what it is - "DP's personal spending". Then you're in a better position to add it all to his debt to you.

Definitely this @Thereandbackagainagain and maybe if he isn’t paying anything in but is just taking, move bill payments to your account and make sure there is no overdraft on the joint (or close it if you can keep records of everything but I’d probably leave it open).

I’m not sure OP can kick him out if the house is half his? I think I’d tell him it’s over and you need to talk about how things are worked out. In the meantime maybe just pay things directly from your account and stop putting money in the joint one. He’ll have to find an income source if you do that. Op if you sell take your half can you get a smaller place of your own? I’m so sorry you have been ill and have had so little financial support from him. Working all hours to support the household is really not on but at least you can be confident that you don’t need him to manage on your own and thankfully you aren’t married . I understand you love him and it’s honorable of you to worry about where he’ll live etc but ,gently ,he’s not showing you much love or care, you deserve better. Sending you best wishes

You're right. Joint tenancy is a legal fiction whereby each of you owns the whole house.

Get your money out of the joint account and leave him for the love of God! Do it today!

Probably due to his partner’s income

Contact your landlord about removing him from the tenancy, tell him he got till the end of the month to leave.