AIBU to end things with fiance who contributes nothing financially?

[Thereandbackagainagain]

Just had yet another row with my fiance about money and effort. I’m so completely fed up.

For context, he has not properly worked for nearly 18 months. Hasn’t contributed ANYTHING to the joint account for that whole time. Hadn’t paid enough NI even when he was working (ad hoc minimal hours but relatively well paid per hour) to be able to get JSA or any other benefit. Basically, I’m expected to support him.

He hasn’t stepped up to do more at home. Won’t cook. Will only clean once I’ve reminded him about five times then gets snappy. I’m running myself ragged working 50-60 hours a week to keep paying the mortgage and bills then come home to a mess. He uses the joint account to buy (what I think are) luxuries like vapes and alcohol only he drinks.

I cannot afford to keep doing this, mentally or financially. But how the hell do I end it when he’s got no income?

Ah yeah that makes sense. Thank you!

DO NOT MARRY THIS FREELOADER!!!

Close your joint account immediately so he can no longer access YOUR money.
He is a grown man FFS so he knows what he needs to do in order to survive in life and one of them is to work and earn a wage!
He is only doing this because you are enabling the balehaviour.
Your relationship is dead in the water. If he bucks his ideas up after you cut him off, it just proves he was using you deliberately!
He has zero respect for you so throw him back. Its up to him whether he wants to sink or swim. Not your problem OP!

some kind of home where women could take their unsatisfactory men. Just sign them over - "here's his jacket, his playstation, and a six-pack of his favourite beer. It breaks my heart but I just can't look after him any more"

Great idea-and it would be a boon for people needing to dispose of old sofas, tv sets and Pot Noodles. Just donate them to the Manchild Shelter.

Youre just used to him, its not love.

I think you're going to have to take the word love out of it because it's very one-sided here
You may love him but a man that does the things he has done to you does not love you at all
He is using you
I was married to one of these I don't even want to say how many years I put up with his unemployment and sponging because it's embarrassing but it was years
It's amazing how he immediately found work and kept it after we split up and I wasn't paying it for everything anymore

His parents have his number that's why they don't want him back they knew he is bone idle cocklodger

Oh yeah I see that now , she had said they joint tenants so I presumed they were renting

Personally I would be swapping all bills to your sole account as you pay them anyway and taking your name of the joint account so that becomes his account

That way you are not giving him access to any of your money and he can find his own for things he wants

then I would be telling him to leave(can you afford to buy him out) and if you can’t afford to buy him out put the house on the market

I certainly would not be continuing this relationship

Today you need to quietly gather your documents- bank statements, mortgage information, house ownership. Any declaration of trust you signed.

Tomorrow you need to call your local solicitors, get a file set up with them and send over all the documents. They’ll tell you what to do to get him out. They will ask if you’d prefer to buy him out and keep the house or sell so have a think about what you need to do.

Others have given great advice. Sort out finances urgently. Lucky you didn't marry him. He will try to guilt trip you and you may find it hard to resist but please do. He is an adult male acting like an irresponsible teenager. Very best.with this important decision.

@Thereandbackagainagain id transfer everything in to your name and a single account . Leave the joint open and give him no access to any money of yours.
why are you giving him access to your money while paying all the bills.
Tell him it’s over and he needs to move out asap.
Speak to a mortgage advisor and tell him in the mean time if he doesn’t work he doesn’t eat . Also you are not together so you will be keeping a tab of what he owes you every time you have to pay his share .

He sounds very lazy and entitled. What can you possibly love about him? He's home all day whilst you work very long hours. He could cook your meals and clean the living quarters but no he can't be arsed. I'd dump him and do yourself a favour. When you get home there will be no mess, you'll only have to cook one meal for yourself or eat out. He's an adult and you are not his Mum. MKr him fend for himself and get a job.

You’ve worked it out OP, you’ve reached the end of the road with this guy. I would kill off the joint account effective immediately, empty it so that he has no source of income - start paying bills direct from your accounts. Look into whether you can afford to buy him out by remortgaging, I hope you can. Otherwise tell him it’s time to sell up and get the house on the market pronto. Beware of him bucking up his ideas and getting a job because push has come to shove, he has taken the piss for 18 months which shows how much care and respect he has for you, he would do it again in a heartbeat so don’t be fooled. In a similar situation, I did this in stages - I gave him £7k to move out immediately so he could get set up, the rest at the point of remortgage. I begged him to save the money, get a job and get himself back on the property ladder, by way of value what I gave him was around a 20% deposit if he were to buy a a similar property. Predictably he stopped work, pissed it up the wall and moved back in with his parents after a couple of years when the money ran out. It was hard to watch, I was on beans and toast for a long time while he bough expensive gadgets and lived a party lifestyle. It’s years later and we’ve lived our lives, I’m still vaguely in touch, I have no regrets, although he’s a lovely person- we were on totally different pages when it came to things like work ethic/financial responsibility. He’s still on the bare bones of his arse and will never be able to afford to retire. Because you are not married (Lucky) he will not have a right to anything other than his share of the house you co-own, so not your pension or savings. Make sure that your additional contributions to costs are taken into account when you sell. Good luck!

you should sever the joint tenancy asap OP and become tenants in common. If you die while you own it as joint tenants the entire house would belong to the cocklodger

I would not put any money into a joint account. Cancel any joint cards.

Why would you have a joint account with someone who pays zero $ into it?

Do not pay for his food, do not do his laundry and don't provide any laundry, food or personal care supplies, even if you have to keep it all locked up.

You have made it cozy and fine for him to do nothing or work for a salary and only you can fix it.

I can't imagine anything worse than a grown man in my house expecting to be looked after like a little child.

What is it you love about this weird Oedipus man?

I know but that's my problem I'm too soft, feel guilty and have a conscience. But then I think he could have saved when he was in paid employment and would be looking at a tidy sum, just like I have now but he's chosen to fritter what he did have on online gambling.

But, you won't ever get that money back, so stop giving him money and close the joint account.

You are giving him an easy as hell life and I cannot understand why you are doing that.

So then you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Your conscience should be clear. Do not waste anymore of your life being used in this horrible situation.

@PuggyPuggyPuggy @MrsBatshitRatshit this is the funniest thing I've seen in ages.

My last ex could definitely be "surrendered" or "donated" in fact his landlady could probably use their number 😅

There must be fifty ways to [lose] your lover.
Make a new plan, nip out the back, etc etc.

This is to do with how you own the house, not the mortgage per se. The good news is as joint tenants it means you both own the whole house together rather than owning half each, and it means you can force a sale which is not so easy if tenants in common.

Your other option would be to buy him out at the current value - repaying the half existing mortgage and the rest going to him as equity.

Why are you with him? He sounds useless.

Give him a date to find a job paying at least enough so you don't have to subsidise., if he misses the date breal off the engagement and kick him out.

That is not a joint account. That is YOUR account if he is not paying into it .Why are you giving him access to your money?
Ask yourself what he is bringing to your life?

Please don't stay out of guilt- you are not his mother.

There's another life out there waiting for you. It's your sliding doors moment.

I’m not said you’re being unreasonable because you’re still with him.