AIBU to end things with fiance who contributes nothing financially?

[Thereandbackagainagain]

Just had yet another row with my fiance about money and effort. I’m so completely fed up.

For context, he has not properly worked for nearly 18 months. Hasn’t contributed ANYTHING to the joint account for that whole time. Hadn’t paid enough NI even when he was working (ad hoc minimal hours but relatively well paid per hour) to be able to get JSA or any other benefit. Basically, I’m expected to support him.

He hasn’t stepped up to do more at home. Won’t cook. Will only clean once I’ve reminded him about five times then gets snappy. I’m running myself ragged working 50-60 hours a week to keep paying the mortgage and bills then come home to a mess. He uses the joint account to buy (what I think are) luxuries like vapes and alcohol only he drinks.

I cannot afford to keep doing this, mentally or financially. But how the hell do I end it when he’s got no income?

Get rid - honestly it will destroy you. I did it for almost 3.5 years with a man like yours except on top he was completely horrible to me, chipped away at my confidence, was controlling and abusive.

It took me a long time to actually do it, but once I did I never looked back.

Please don't waste your life like i did

Definitely claim back the extra bills before you split the proceeds from the house sale or remortgaging. Did you both put in the same deposit?

Why are you using that joint account still and giving him access to money / I don’t get it

its so easy to switch to using your own account for paying these things

cut him off !?

no more luxuries / vapes / alcohol

id sort my own food only from now on - it’s not your job to feed him or cook for him fuck that

is split up / cut him off financially and I bet hel soon find a job or move out when the easy life is over

@Thereandbackagainagain your whole future depends on your next steps.

You're thinking along the right lines wrt the house, take some time to work out the financials and protect your assets.

STOP! immediately putting any extra into your joint account only transfer enough to cover the bills, he's a leech.

even better as @Fupoffyagrasshole says, cut off all access to your hard earned!

There’s many reasons to end this relationship. Pick one and tell him he has to move out.

Stop putting money in the joint account, and refuse to give him any. And tell him you are done and want him gone, as a first step.

You have to ask? I mean honestly. He sounds an absolute sponge, After reading yr posts he has appears to have less than zero positives to redeem his place in your life. You appear to be maintaining his lazy good for nothing backside.

‘’What an absolute waste of space, cunning tho, he’s using you 100%. Get rid of him like yesterday.

I’d be out before the new laws come in to affect!

The good news in you are ending it now.

You need legal advice and mention for 18 months you've paid it all therefore, this should be reflected in the costs split.

Then pay the mortgage and bills through your own account. You are not subsidising him anymore, not even food. You could pay him his half or sell up entirely.

I had one like this except I was pregnant. He decided to give up work and I supported us both. When I had the baby he started to begrudge everything. By the time I collapsed and made him leave he was so cheerful. He left me in tears with a 6 month old and off he went hooting the horn.

Can you afford to buy him out and do you want to stay in your house?

you clearly are running the whole household on your salary already. Is that sustainable for you or is it draining you?

sounds like you know you need to split up. Do you see any future together if he changed (he won’t!) or is it over?

what he does now is not your concern. He’ll probably get a job once the cushy lifestyle is over!

@professionalcommentreader

Thankfully for @Thereandbackagainagain new laws for cohabiting couples in England and Wales are unlikely to become law before 2028

Ditch the freeloader-you will feel so much better

Don’t feel bad op. He can get a job, any job, move in with his parents or claim benefits. He’s not a child you need to look after. This is your life and you have every right to enjoy a better life.
Tell him the relationship is over and you’re selling the property and moving on. Buy him out once you’ve got everything in order.

Would you be able to get a mortgage in your own name, can you find somewhere based on just your salary.

Put the property on the market as I expect he will want paying his share of the deposit and equity from the property.

Do not marry him.

he is an adult, what he does next is his responsibility.

Why the heck do you have a joint account with this parasite?

Love isn't enough.

Please dont bind yourself to this idle, selfish man.

You deserve a partner.

PP make a very good point. Get that joint account closed before he starts using the overdraft on it that would affect your credit rating and your ability to extend the mortgage.

His lack of income = not your problem.
Chuck the lazy cocklodger out today.

Is it your mortgage or his, if its yours change the locks and kick him out today, if its joint can you take on the mortgage yourself in which case do that and then when its in your name kick him out, you are not responsible for him, hes a vile lazy piece of rubbish, get rid and sort your life out,

The fact his own parents won't help him says it all

Ugh, if he's like this now just imagine how bad things will be further down the line, no get rid..

Joint tenants? I'm confused though as you said you had a mortgage, is it a joint mortgage?
You can't live like this.

Run

@PinkyFlamingo We have a mortgage. I thought the terminology was joint tenants (ie 50/50 and jointly liable) or tenants in common (separately liable for a contracted amount). Happy to be corrected if I’m wrong.

You would either have to buy him out or sell, yes but see a solicitor as he hasnt paid the mortgage you have