AIBU to end things with fiance who contributes nothing financially?

[Thereandbackagainagain]

Just had yet another row with my fiance about money and effort. I’m so completely fed up.

For context, he has not properly worked for nearly 18 months. Hasn’t contributed ANYTHING to the joint account for that whole time. Hadn’t paid enough NI even when he was working (ad hoc minimal hours but relatively well paid per hour) to be able to get JSA or any other benefit. Basically, I’m expected to support him.

He hasn’t stepped up to do more at home. Won’t cook. Will only clean once I’ve reminded him about five times then gets snappy. I’m running myself ragged working 50-60 hours a week to keep paying the mortgage and bills then come home to a mess. He uses the joint account to buy (what I think are) luxuries like vapes and alcohol only he drinks.

I cannot afford to keep doing this, mentally or financially. But how the hell do I end it when he’s got no income?

If you’re joint tenants need to be able to take on the entire mortgage yourself, plus pay him half of the increase in value since you bought it, plus half of what you’ve both paid off the mortgage. You can both deduct costs from this figure (for example if you paid the stamp duty you can deduct this from what you’ve both owe him). Unfortunately you will need to pay solicitors costs, costs associated with cancelling your mortgage/setting up a new one and stamp duty (because you’re buying his half). This is why I say speak to a financial advisor/mortgage broker

I’m so glad you’ve realised this relationship is not going anywhere. My exh was similar, luckily you are not married. He will not have access to your savings or pension as you’re not married. I remortgaged the house and bought my exh out that way. Also close the joint account and use your personal account for bills x

You need to get legal advice given the joint tenancy, but it is likely that you will have to buy him out of his share in the house or sell it.

Thanks everyone. I’ve been really panicking about money and making sure everything is covered, so I have a good handle on all our accounts.

One thing I have been doing is every time I have to put more money into the joint account (it works out as roughly what he used to contribute) I label it as ‘extra mortgage’ or ‘extra house bills’ so I have a way of keeping track of the additional money I put in.

In theory yes.

But if he hasn't paid any mortgage contributions for a while then you can feasibly deduct his share of the payments from his lump sum.

How will that help? Have you had legal advice

It's not your concern that he has no income, you're not his mommy. You're supposed to be partners and he's not holding up to his end of the bargain - so he has to go. Maybe when he has to sleep on a park bench in the rain he'll be compelled to get and keep a job.

Dump immediately and never let him back into your life. He's shown you that he's not interested in working, he's not reliable, he's not a provider, he's not a partner, he's not ambitious, he doesn't do anything around the house, he's selfish and has no problem watching you kill yourself at work and come home to cook and clean up after him. He's not someone any sane woman should be with. What if he pulls this stunt again after marriage? He'll have rights over you and be much harder to get rid of

Watch he doesn't take a l the money out the joint account, which I think he can if its a joint account. If he refuses to sell you can force it through court but hopefully it won't come to that

Please don’t marry this man, do not make the same mistake I did.

You need to get that joint account closed immediately. He won't move out of life is too comfortable where he is

While you might be labelling it as that, it doesn't stop your lazy boyfriend still accessing the money and spending it on what he wants.

As others have said I would be keeping an eye on the account to make sure everything has been paid fully, and I would do as others suggest and close the joint account down/transfer all bills to your own account so you don't have to put any money into the joint account.

I vote yabu because I don't understand why you even need to ask. If you marry him you're basically saying that this is the life you want. It won't get better

Send him back to his mother

Get your salary paid into a solo account for a start. Then see if that sparks him into action.

🚩🚩🚩🚩💯🚩🚩🚩🚩

Did he support you financially when you were ill?
Do you still love him and want a future together?

If so you need to have a chat with him, explain there is NO money left. Move any excess out of the joint account, stop topping it up. Pay only what is required for bills. Make sure he cannot go overdrawn and get you in debt.

If you don't see a future. Tell him and discuss how you will split up. You could sell the house, you may be able to afford to buy him out. He might want the money and go quickly and quietly. But be very careful how you value the house and don't risk overpaying him.

He sounds depressed. Has he sought any help.

Why can't he find any work?

Good grief, don’t marry this twat. And double up on your contraception!

Or indeed to his father! His parents live close according to OP. Why is your solution to make him another woman’s problem

Stop putting money in the joint account, remove all money. It’s yours anyway. And if you aren’t allowed to close it, maybe you can freeze it and ensure there is zero overdraft facility on it.

As for the extra money you put into the mortgage, get details of all these payments noted down so that you can hopefully get your share of the equity out.

Change all bills to your own account, make sure there is no overdraft on the joint and let him figure his financial needs himself.
Then speak to a solicitor and find out how to get rid of this asshole.

Missed that! In that case you are paying the mortgage on your own anyway. Can you afford to buy him out? Dear financial burdon. This isn't working for me anymore. Seeing as I'm paying the mortgage and bills and you cant afford to, you need to move out whilst we sell/ i buy you out. Or if you think he will kick off and it might be easier tell him you need some space and see if he can go to his parents . Stop feeding him only put things in joint account just before due to go out such as mortgage etc so he has no hands on extra cash

@BlueMum16 I had full sick pay for 6 months during my recovery. I then had to go back to work because we couldn’t afford to live on half my salary. His work has always been a bit inconsistent, so he used to get varying amounts each month and didn’t have regular paydays. So no, he didn’t contribute any more while I was ill, and I had to return sooner than I would have liked.

I think he could easily find a job of some kind, but isn’t putting much visible effort in. I’ve told him he’ll just have to suck it up and take whatever he can.

With the joint account, the labelling just helps me to be able to track back and see how much more I’ve put in. Not from legal advice, just me keeping tabs. I guess the last 2 years where I’ve paid everything by myself might get factored into the split of the house sale if we sell up.

I love him and I’m worn down by the situation. I think I’ve got nothing left to give.

Well done for getting to this point of sorting things out. See a solicitor about the house first thing. Stop paying anything into the joint account and close/remove yourself from it. Pay everything from your accounts and add up all the mortgage payments you have made (his half) for 18 months and keep a running total.
No money for him to access. Explain you can't keep on subsidising him.
Once you have done all the numbers decide if you can buy him out or whether you sell and both move on. You could start to think about new houses with your equity and mortgage. Look after your yourself.

His parents are fairly nearby but would not want to support him.

Who cares? He's a grown man, not a dog you have to rehome. It's not on you to line up someome for him to squat with.

Aw, just imagine, some kind of home where women could take their unsatisfactory men. Just sign them over - "here's his jacket, his playstation, and a six-pack of his favourite beer. It breaks my heart but I just can't look after him any more" 😂

Transfer all bill payments to your solo account. Close the joint account. If you can't close it without his agreement, freeze it and remove any overdraft agreement. You haven't mentioned any health issues preventing him working? Move on with your life without him.