AIBU to expect the adult to address that playground behaviour?

[Oscillating]

If your 6½yo kid was in a playground with 3 other similar aged kids who yours was trying to play with, and they were all talking about what they wanted to be when they were older... And one child kept interrupting your child with silly comments like "a poo head" or "some jam" and laughing at you and your child was standing there head down upset while the other child did that...
Would you expect the adult standing nearby to comment "oh come on now they're just being kids" when you went over, intervened and said "that's enough, they're being silly, we're leaving"

6-7 ?😂

Then you did the right thing. You kept your eye on her amnd took her away from what was becoming a difficult situation. I'd def make sure she's not around Child C for a while, since C seemed to be encouraging the other two.

Taking her out of the situation was showing your DD that she didn't have to put up with it. But maybe be careful to be discreet about it. Just.."DD.. Time's up, we need to meet xyz or get home now."

There's various options..
Parent A sounds nice and could appreciate what was going on.
A and B sound like they are in a twosome friendship and it would be difficult for your DD not to be a third wheel with them.

Would it be worth, as they play together nicely individually, arranging some play dates individually so that they get used to being nice to DD? This may or may not work as you can't force children, but not to make them new best friends, but just to make them a bit more familiar and used to playing nicely with her.

But really.. it would be more effective to break the cycle by not being in the same place for a while and by seeing if there are alternative friendships at school you could foster and try to widen her circle, so she's not fixated on these two.
It sounds like she is less confident than they are.. is she perhaps at the younger end of the year group?

Are there any outside of school activities or clubs she could do - that would help build her interests and confidence. Or any cousins that's she's fond of that she could see at the weekends. I think it helps to take the focus of the problematic areas if she's busy and has a lot of other interests.

This is all confusing and so many more extra details keep on getting added to the story.

It sounds like you were sat watching the whoooole saga unfold, it was your child being picked on… but you’re expecting another parent to intervene? Why? You were there watching everything and know every detail so intervene yourself.

Agree with this. Being so sensitive as an adult is going to do your child a disservice. They were being silly and a bit unkind. That is different than bullying,

Is your daughter autistic?

My son is and group situations like this ic an sometimes seems he's being made fun of and he can't which this sounds like for you.

I also think child c was trying to join in but didn't know how, they don't really have social skills at this age.

It is definitely a massive drip feed at best, hyperbolic escalation at worst.

We've gone from the opening post saying "one child kept interrupting with silly comments like "a poo head" to tricking the DD with races to the wrong tree, hiding sweets, calling her over only to exclude her, following her and 'surrounding' her when she tried to absent herself etc etc.

They'll be having undisclosed ASBOs and gang tattoos by the time the OP has finished.

I’d correct the behaviour if that was my child. It’s fine to not want to play with someone but to tease them and call them names isn’t kind. I think it’s very surprising how many people think this is normal behaviour. I’d avoid children and parents who thought was acceptable like the plague.

That being said, I’d have just removed my child. I’d have then told them that those children aren’t very nice and it’s best they don’t play with them moving forward. I think it’s important that children know they don’t need to take that kind of behaviour from anyone and that they don’t need to be on the receiving end of anyone’s teasing or nastiness.

...I did...

So why did you need the other parent to as well?

I’m sorry your daughter is so upset. I sort of get it: in an ideal world your daughter would either nope out of wanting to be friends with them and find something else to do, or she’d be “silly” back and they’d all accept that and everything would be fine. But that’s not who she is and I’m guessing that this type of behaviour from A and B has already chipped away at her self esteem.

My daughter had friendship issues when she was around this age. Always the same girl involved. I ended up having a very frank conversation with her along the lines of “this person doesn’t deserve to be friends with such a nice person like you when she’s so mean to you all the time. Play with other people instead and don’t waste your time on her”. I also told her to try really hard to not to react to the stupid/mean shit girl as she might well enjoy that/the drama.Took a while and many tearful conversations about it but daughter did listen.

I didn't... I just am surprised she watched small kids be unkind and do fuck all about it 🤷

I thought you meant they only play with your child when at the playground.
I would definitely be saying something about their behaviour if I knew the child and they weren't some random child. I would still try to encourage your child to make new friends though as these children don't seem very nice to be around for your daughter.
Good on you for not teaching her to say horrible things back as that could escalate things, but maybe teach her to say something assertive and walk away with her head held high.
Another playground could work but unfortunately there are children like this everywhere. They do grow out of this silly stage usually.

No. As has been repeated here we’d take our child away from
the situation.

Was Cs behaviour ok? No.

Was Bs behaviour ok? Doesn’t sound it.

But your DD needs to learn to walk away from children who are behaving badly and being unkind.

It isxa silly stage a lot of children go through at about 6 or 7. The worst is when the silly child is also quite popular and likes to then interfere with the new friendships your child tries to make. It gets really frustrating for your child.

To be honest, if a pal called my ds7 a pop head he would either retaliate physically, or reply “farty bum bum “ or similar. Not the kid of behaviour that makes me proud, and I usually tell him to cut it out or he’ll be sitting out of play .

6/7 yo’s can be idiots.

Try to teach your kid to laugh along and be equally silly. It is irritating, for sure, but they love silly name calling at this age - it’s a form of playfulness. Your dc sounds quite mature and perhaps needs to know how to “dumb down” to the level of the others?

I despair if people think this is really just no big deal and they wouldn’t intervene if their own child was treating another child like this!

Excluding, ganging up and mocking is bullying. It doesn’t matter that they’re 6. They know exactly what they’re doing. It’s mean and spiteful.

YANBU op. I’m amazed by the posts on this thread. Clearly people think it’s fine for kids to be dicks. Or they’re baiting you. Vile either way.

Honestly, you needed to jump in much earlier. You say you weren't hovering, but you clearly heard and saw everything going on.

As soon as the running away started, well before the hiding sweets, I'd have jumped in. Spoken loudly to my child in a very cheery voice, come on XXX we've got to go now, we've got a special treat to look forward to today and we can't be late.

I'd have then made something up, a trip to the library, building a blanket fort at home, making popcorn, anything. Then later, maybe before reading a bedtime story, thrown in a little chat about how to react when people don't treat us kindly. These lessons aren't easy, as of course kids want to feel included, but when you can see it's not happening, divert her attention somewhere else. Each time something similar happens, have another little chat about why some people are unkind and how to handle it. It's also okay for not everyone to play together all the time. It doesn't mean it hurts less, but they come to understand slowly that this is also true. You remind them in a little chat about a time they just wanted to play with one friend.

At 6, some of this, including a kid talking about poopy heads, is normal silly stuff and best ignored. But you can still divert attention at the time and have a chat later about why one child was being particularly silly.

Kids also change quickly at these ages. Kid C could end up your child's best friend in high school, you really can't predict these things, so divert attention for now, but don't demonise the other child either. Not saying you did, but even the silliest kid can turn out well.

Edited to add...the little wretch who made one of my kids cry when they were 4, turned out to be a really lovely young woman when she turned up as a guest at another of my children's weddings. She knows I haven't forgotten it though, just to keep her on her toes (we have since joked about this).

How were you to know? Because you already had to intervene twice, because you know the history of these kids. You really want to rely on other parents to do what you think is right?

I would absolutely intervene if my child was behaving like this. But I wouldn’t expect another parent to do my parenting for me if my child was the target. I’d intervene WAY before it got to this stage.

Ive read all your updates before responding, and I do feel the other children were being unkind, bullying might be a stretch but absolutely their intentions were to upset your daughter. My lb is slightly younger and can handle himself very well in difficult social situations, however, before he got to this stage, in similar circumstances I have loudly said things to my child like “We don’t play with children who are being unkind/ mean/ rude” which is usually enough to prompt a parent to intervene. Even if it doesn’t, it makes the other children aware I’m watching and listening and tends to resolve bad behaviour, as well as reinforces to my child that the behaviour they are experiencing is not okay.

I think most children of your daughters age would have been upset by repeated behaviours you described despite what people are saying, BUT your replies are very defensive which I think is part of the reason you are getting defensive responses.

Absolutely. They might be just being silly. Or- more likely by the sounds of it- they’re being deliberately mean and an adult should have told them to rein it in. Preferably the adult responsible for them. I would and have when my kids are being dicks to other people. Which luckily isn’t often.

You're on the wrong forum for this op. Mn likes to pretend it's anti bullying etc etc but in reality they love an opportunity to jump on a bandwagon of "nobody is obliged to like your child" and "sounds like your kid needs to toughen up". It's very depressing to be honest.

Don't call a six year old a wimp. Makes you sound like a bully.

OP is getting a hard time on here but the irony is not lost on me that, like the incident with the children, when others are mean to you and wind you up you keep coming back for more! Don’t feed the trolls and model to your daughter that some people are not kind, especially in a group and you can’t change them by trying to engage so the best thing for your mental health is to walk away and find better people. You’re not going to change opinions by getting defensive and snarky. Expecting those parents to change the way they parent is also futile so be kind to yourself and don’t expect them to.

Actually this post really nails why I’m sounding rather dismissive. It genuinely doesn’t matter what you think another parent should do in this or any scenario. You can only handle yourself and your own child. Other parents will disappoint regularly, other kids will be mean or silly or ridiculous regularly, but you and your daughter need to learn when it’s time to walk away. The responsibility to protect your daughter is yours and you can’t rely on other parents doing their part - it’s just not a logical reason to get upset.

When my daughter was being bullied daily for being Jewish the other mother couldn’t have cared less. We had all these ‘restorative conversations’ and whatever but there was no chance she was going to react how I wanted her to and no chance this girl was going to suddenly stop her behaviour. I had to help my daughter find a way through it. I spent way too much time waiting for other people to do things when I should have been far more proactive myself. So basically I think if you see something over and over again that you don’t like you just need to respect your own limits and disengage.

Get a grip. I didn't call a 6 year old anything. How the hell does that make me a bully. Hoping someone ( my own child btw) wasn't a wimp isn't bullying anyone