AIBU to expect the adult to address that playground behaviour?

[Oscillating]

If your 6½yo kid was in a playground with 3 other similar aged kids who yours was trying to play with, and they were all talking about what they wanted to be when they were older... And one child kept interrupting your child with silly comments like "a poo head" or "some jam" and laughing at you and your child was standing there head down upset while the other child did that...
Would you expect the adult standing nearby to comment "oh come on now they're just being kids" when you went over, intervened and said "that's enough, they're being silly, we're leaving"

"Fart Goblin" seems to be very popular among 6 -7 year olds here in response to Poopy Head @Oscillating and that's children that actually are friends.

I don’t think “rescuing” her was a terrible idea (though probably not the best) and it does sound from your description that they were treating your DD unfavourably, I can see why she wouldn’t like it, but I don’t think every kid would find it awful. It was the “come on, they’re being silly” in front of them that’s a bit off, to me. It implies they aren’t good enough for your DD and that she shouldn’t enjoy silly comments. So I can see why the other parent (who may not be able to read your dd’s body language) would respond as they did.

There may be other things going on with your DD that mean closer supervision is necessary but generally I think the way to deal with it is to let it play out so your DD can work out how to either join in and win them over, or back off herself. Help here if she comes to you. Then talk about it afterwards, ask how she felt and what she options she had. Point out that her confusion over why they are treating her differently here compared to elsewhere is worth thinking about but that ultimately she needs to just deal with how things are playing out in front of her.

I have spoken to her about standing up for herself etc and choosing not to play with A and B when they're together. She understood she wasn't having fun when trying to play with them.

I wouldn't be sitting there hanging my head in a workplace if someone called me names as an adult.

No because adults wouldn't be calling you names in the first place I'd hope.

Read the comment I replied to

No she doesn’t need to learn to be horrible, of course not. I just don’t think it’s a situation where you or her can reasonably expect an adult to intervene and tell this child off (which was what you were originally asking). It didn’t happen by the parent in the park and it’s unlikely to happen next time she encounters a silly unkind kid (and there will be many next times) on the school playground, at summer camp etc. So what would benefit her most is a coping strategy so she’s not stood there all upset, like saying ‘don’t be so silly’ and walking away to play elsewhere. Helping redirect her was exactly the right thing to do. What isn’t benefitting her though is overreacting and calling it bullying.

So in this scenario, if my kid was saying Pooh head etc, I’d remove them and explain x looks upset and it’s only a joke if everyone find it funny. If my DC was being called silly names I’d let it ride out for a while and then say they are joking but if you don’t like it you can ask them to stop or move away.

Some kids don’t have great social skills etc for whatever reason.

I don’t think you handled it well. And I think calling a bit of silliness in the park bullying is a bit of a stretch…

OP, In your post, you asked, 'Would you expect the adult standing nearby...?' It felt like you might have been looking for validation rather than an open discussion. When people shared that they didn't mind what the adults said, your responses came across as a bit defensive. I'm just wondering why you asked in the first place if you were only looking for one specific answer?

I’d be telling them to stop being unkind and then say to my child, “let’s go, they haven’t learned how to play nicely yet”.

Theyre doing it because their parent is crap at parenting. That’s not ok and it’s not just kids being kids. It’s another example of some parents being absolutely clueless.

Because I think an adult watching 3 kids laughing at a visibly upset child should intervene 🤷🤷🤷

But apparently the upset child needs to toughen up, call them names back and suck it up 🤷🤷🤷🤷

No I'm sure you wouldn't but you're not 6 years old. You have the life experience to know how to deal with the situation if it were to happen. But why would a 6 year old be a wimp for not being able to stick up for themselves against three other kids.

At 6 I would've stuck up for myself also. 2 brothers and 5 male cousins nearby ensured that

So every kid is to be expected to be as capable as sticking up for themselves as you were. No allowances are made for different personalities and life experiences. I was capable of sticking up for myself as a kid too, being the only girl with three brothers definitely puts you at an advantage. I wouldn't though expect my daughter as an only child to be as equipt as I was in shaking off stuff or defending herself.

Great for you.

My child is obviously weak and needs to toughen up and become more like the kids laughing at others who are upset.

Most 6 year olds have been in nursery or school for half their lives. As I said I can see why this kid is "sensitive". Quite obviously gets it from mum.

Is she your first born, OP?
I find that I am much more protective of DD than mums who have gone through all this before and know that everything will usually be okay in the end.
I think your intervention sounds fine to be honest. Six is still so little, and your DD sounds very sensitive (that isn't a bad thing at all, and it means that the advice about letting her tough it out might not be quite right for her personality at this age and stage).
My DD came home from pre-school and told me that another girl had joined in a game that DD was playing with some friends and told her she couldn't play anymore and to go away. In the moment I was so furious and sad for DD, and we talked it through a bit, and I stopped myself scaling the pre-school fence with binoculars and a decent water pistol. But the urge was there and I do get where you're coming from OP

Ok but why does it matter if parent A made their kid play? My kid is not having a good time, the behaviour of other is unacceptable to me so we say our goodbyes and move on with our day. Why stay and endure?

Me too.
'That's a silly billy thing to say'
Move on.
Done.

Then you should have said no thank you. We will leave it for today.

And go and play with your kid elsewhere.

Next time the dynamic will no doubt change again and all will be well.
Don't overthink it.
X

You are being absolute ridiculous and you are taking what people are saying and twist it. No one and I mean no one said your child should call them names or be horrible. Be the kind of parent that teaches your child resilience and how to navigate social situations like that, not the kind of parent who throws a strop when people do not agree with them. You are more immature than your child.

I think we can see why DC has trouble

They literally said she should call them names back 🤷🤷

She was called a poo head not a cunt!

They absolutely didn't. Poster just saod their experience with their own children! Stop the drama, your child will pick up your energy. The more deal you nake out of it, the more your child will as well. There is nothing here, child saying silly things don't want to play woth yours, take your child away and find something else to do. That's all!