AIBU to expect the adult to address that playground behaviour?

[Oscillating]

If your 6½yo kid was in a playground with 3 other similar aged kids who yours was trying to play with, and they were all talking about what they wanted to be when they were older... And one child kept interrupting your child with silly comments like "a poo head" or "some jam" and laughing at you and your child was standing there head down upset while the other child did that...
Would you expect the adult standing nearby to comment "oh come on now they're just being kids" when you went over, intervened and said "that's enough, they're being silly, we're leaving"

Yes in an ideal world I agree the parent of child C should have intervened… but they didn’t - that’s life unfortunately. A lot of people’s parenting skills leave a lot to be desired. I think what many people are trying to focus on is that your daughter will unfortunately experience many situations like this when you and the parents of child C aren’t around… so rather than dwelling on what should have happened what’s more important is you helping your child (and yourself by the sounds of it) to cope with experiencing situations like this. It sounds like you feel you did your best and it was at a point where you needed the other parent to help but tbh I think if you replayed the time in your mind asking yourself (critically) what you could have done differently it’s probably more useful than continuing on this thread. Other have given valid suggestions - ie if this had been going on for an hour already, just leave - role model to your child that we don’t have to put up with people treating us like this. If parent C isn’t going to step in - you could have said something to child C directly (politely) so your child sees the types of things to say.

i appreciate it’s hard to see your child upset and disappointing to see parents not doing more - I also have a 6 year old and am often shocked and saddened by how mean they can be so young.

Context is everything. There was more to it than that

OP, gently, you’re far too involved in this. Why were you hanging around within earshot of this conversation? Just go sit on a park bench while your 6 year old plays in the park - no need to linger around her. Is she your only child by any chance?
If I did happen to overhear this conversation I don’t think I would intervene. If my child came to me upset, I would say they were trying to joke and be funny, but if you don’t like it then you don’t have to play with them. I would validate her feelings that she was treated a bit shit by the others and suggest perhaps playing with someone else?

You have had a very over sensitive reaction to this and you are teaching your child to do the same. I have a 7 year old and since she started school I’ve taught myself to lower my expectations. Other kids can be really mean and other parents really don’t give a shit. I’ve been in multiple situations where my kid is crying directly because of something another kid has done and the parent does absolutely nothing. My instinct (ex teacher) was to tell the kids off myself if their parent wasn’t going to. I actually don’t regret the times I’ve done this tbh. Over time I’ve changed my mindset to encourage my child to be bolder, to walk away if people are being mean and to also shut things down. A sassy comment or two back is honestly not a bad thing. This means she won’t be a victim.

Really try and work on her resilience OP

Just say "I can tell my child is getting upset", excuse me, and leave.
You are the best judge of whether it is a problem, you have no need to listen to the opinion of another parent, if you don't want to.

I’d have gone over and said something myself! In very loud earshot of the other parents
its absolutely not acceptable however you look at it.

Years ago, my daughter was at the playground with other similar aged kids. One boy ran straight into her and knocked her flat on her back. His mother and I were sharing a bench watching the kids. I looked at her to see how she’d handle it. She smiled at me and said, “Benjamin is so goal-oriented.”

Its difficult as you as a parent are naturally defensive of your child. Saying silly things doesn't sound like bullying but it sounds like the context was to deliberately annoy your child. My son was trying to play with some other kids in a group at the park awhile back, they werent interested in playing with him, which is fair enough they didn't know him but when one called him an idiot I did step in and tell him not to call him an idiot, it's not kind and told my son I don't want him to pay with horrible kids so they could hear. Sometimes you can't help but get pissed off when other kids are being twats.

OMG! That's appalling.
I wonder if her little darling Benjamin is serving time in prison now.

My daughter doesn’t remember this. But if this goal oriented fella ever runs for office, I’m not voting for him.

You can’t be that dim witted, but ok….

Just use it as a learning opportunity, explain to her that she can walk away, teach her a couple of little comebacks…

You or the other parent stepping isn’t the answer.

When this happened you should have said they clearly are only using my child as they only want to play with her when they are on their own so they aren’t friends or nice children so I don’t want my child exposed to that nasty behaviour! Say loudly to your child come away from those little shits they are just trying to make themselves look clever but you can’t polish a turd!!

It sounds more like 3 or 4 year old behaviour rather than 6-7.
If my understanding is right they weren't actually calling her names, child C was trying to be a comedian by coming up with ridiculous things your dc could be as an adult 'some jam' or 'poo head'. However i can see why your child was upset and i really think by that age children shoukd at keast know they have to be civil and not disrespectful. The parents should have pulled them up on this
Its nice that parent A was trying to get your child included, unfortunately it doesn't usually work out!
Your dc needs to recognise when other kids are nor wanting to play wirh them and run off with a yell of " so long, suckers" or whatever that age say now, and not hang around to be humiliated.

As the parent of an adult child with PTSD from bullying at school, please teach your child to walk away if they feel uncomfortable. But also, please don’t make them think this is bullying, because it’s really not- it’s just silly, normal behaviour, and by making it out to be bullying you will give your child a victim mindset. I get the feeling this upset you a lot more than it upset your child.

Yup, they are enjoying this. Because if the scenario was a 6yo calling an adult a poo head, best believe the responses would be different. The child would not be excused as such and these adults would make a lot more room for themselves to be bothered by it.

And OP has made it clear there’s a history with mean behaviour from at least two of these girls towards her child, so everyone deliberating on the technicalities of bullying are just being obtuse.

It’s really not hard to show empathy AND encourage giving OP’s daughter tools to navigate these situations in the future.

You do need to teach your child some responses to this, and when to walk away. Your responses OP, are very whiny, they’re not going to give your child the tools she needs when these scenarios arise. She doesn’t need to toughen up but maybe you do. Teach her what she can do, not stand with her head down.

Because when they are alone they have no one else to play with of course. These children are not your dcs friends. Hard as it may be. Does she have a friend you could take with her to the playground.

Actually just re read what these kids were doing. They weren't joking saying they wanted to be a poo head, they were jumping in in IP daughter saying it eg "I want to be a ..." then saying "poo head" at her. As an isolated incident fine......but if she's used to a dynamic where these 2 gang up in her a bit the poor kid probably felt crap. It's u kind. I wouldn't let my dd behave like that.

It's a shame they don't listen when you tell them to avoid certain kids. It's like they're drawn to them. Hopefully she'll start making new friends IP but my dd has always struggled with it.

What's tricky about this is that by six you're unlikely to be hovering over your DC in the park. If I heard my DC behaving like child C then I would take them away and tell them they're being mean but I can imagine how you wouldn't hear.

Agreed. OP has been over-dramatic, sarcastic and sulky when people didn’t immediately agree with her. How can she guide her six year old to respond appropriately to silly name-calling etc. if she, a grown adult, gets into such a strop over responses on Mumsnet?

Child is 6 and OP.obviously was hovering close enough to hear

But most parents won't be, they're 6 year olds not toddlers and by 6 you have at least some expectations of them managing their own friendships and conflicts. I wouldn't have expected these other parents to be in earshot ready to swoop in by this point.

The parent was standing around a metre away watching them. I did no hovering or forcing kids to play.... I was on other side of park about 10m away, Heard the talking and laughing looked over and saw my child upset, saw the parent do nothing, so I walked over and removed my child.

I think that's all you could do OP. For what it's worth I wouldn't be impressed if my child behaved like C, I wouldn't call a one off incident bullying but I'd tell my child in a paraphrased way that they're acting like a twat.