AIBU to expect the adult to address that playground behaviour?

[Oscillating]

If your 6½yo kid was in a playground with 3 other similar aged kids who yours was trying to play with, and they were all talking about what they wanted to be when they were older... And one child kept interrupting your child with silly comments like "a poo head" or "some jam" and laughing at you and your child was standing there head down upset while the other child did that...
Would you expect the adult standing nearby to comment "oh come on now they're just being kids" when you went over, intervened and said "that's enough, they're being silly, we're leaving"

Yes I agree but the other parents still should have corrected their children. I've a 6 and a 10 year old. My 6 year old isn't always kind. I don't always get it right and he's a spoiled monkey but I would step in if I saw/heard him saying unkind things to another child and they were getting upset. I think that's what the OP is upset about. That the other parents didn't step in when they could see OP's child was upset and the reasons why.

Imagine standing watching all this happen and only stepping in after your child was clearly upset.

You’ve said already you know when all the girls are together she is excluded. They were playing as they usually do, 2 together, excluding her. They are not her friends, they never have been, she is simply a warm body for them when the other isn’t around.

When I spotted this happening to my daughter at a similar age, I stopped being around those girls and their parents. If I’d been watching this play out in front of me, I’d have taken her entirely away from the situation and gone to do something fun with her.

You cannot ignore berate the other parents as much as you like, but you haven’t covered yourself with glory either.

It can be tough when you get answers you weren't hoping for. If you're mainly looking for support and reassurance right now, it might help to ask specifically for validation instead.

I agree. The other parent should have stepped in to say hey that's enough we don't call our friends poo heads etc. and I think that's why OP is upset.
But.... sometimes these things do happen and there will be plenty more times ahead so if you feel the need to step in then do so. Just say that's not being kind so we are going to play over here now.
X ki

Was parent of C even around? Maybe I have got lost but from what I can see parent A was trying to encourage their child to play with the OPs daughter (maybe realising they were left out/noticing the need to be kind). Not sure where Bs parent was. And C is a random child who presumably latched on to A and B and may not have been supervised at all.

I’m trying to get my head around this. Was Child Cs parent there? Are you saying you expected Child Cs parent to step in and discipline them?
Or is it that a parent of another child was there and you expected them to step in? Is the issue here that the other parents (although not sure who else’s parent was even there) didn’t step in and you had to defend your child yourself?

Also, it’s not nice, but it’s definitely not bullying.

At no point have you suggested Parent C was around. I don't think Parents A and B should be jumping in to police silly 6 year old talk about poo poo heads.

Parent A saw your child was being excluded and tried to rectify that. You are aware of the awkward dynamic for your daughter when A&B are together, and you let things carry on.

This is not bullying. Calling it such is an overreaction and will only feed into your daughter's insecurity.

Did you have a tough time as a sensitive kid, OP? I think we often have more pronounced reactions to our children's social situations when they touch a sore point from our own childhood.

I get it.

I'm wrong.

My kid needs to toughen up and next time I see a kid upset and 3 others laughing at them I won't intervene and just say "they're just being kids"..

Oh lord, do people really have time for this? Is this your only child? I couldn't work myself up to get too cross about this. Just tell your child to play with someone nicer and keep her self respect by not hanging around with people who say mean things. It's not that big of a deal.

Wallowing in self pity isn't going to help your child.

Be clearer in your opening posts then as not what you originally said happened.

No, you are not wrong. There's just been a pile on with the lack of empathy brigade this evening.

They followed tou child to be cruel to her. They are only young, but so is your daughter. It sounds like parent A tried to make things better, but the other parents did not.

Glad you took her away from the situation. Perhaps avoid the group, but potentially if parent A and child A are usually kind.look to strengthen that relationship away from the others.

This is my understanding too.

There are some very odd comments on here. Bullying is any bullying behaviour, it can be sustained and part of a pattern, it can be one off bad behaviour.

It’s life isn’t it. The kid is going to have to deal with a lot worse I’m afraid.

Oh come on a 6 yr old saying poo head isn't bullying.

This forum is forever going on about how rude children are these days, lacking manners, blah blah blah. Crying when a child “disrespects” them with basic development stage behaviour. But now we are talking about a child bullying another child most of you are good with it and expect 6yo to be to just suck it up when most of you can’t even take getting cussed out on an anonymous forum. The wonders will never cease.

The issue here is with the adults. Yes your child calling over kids names is just six, but that mum is grown. Everyone talking about how it’s OP’s job to guide her children to defend themselves (I don’t disagree) as though it isn’t also child A’s mum’s job to rein in that type of behaviour.

My 4yo was at the playground, minding her business when some other kids asked her to play. Was okay until one of them started blocking her from playing chase with her brother. At first I waited to see how my baby handled it but when I then saw the girl spit towards there I was in there fast. When they explained what their issue was I gave them other ways they could express it, which they tried to copy, but my little was the one to say she was done with the foolishness and march me away.

It’s hard to discourage your child from playing with others without protecting negativity, but for next time, I would decline a parent making their kid play with yours when they don’t seem keen. I would also do some work on what friendship looks like and giving her the tools to recognise company that’s good for her, and I don’t say this to demonise the other kids.

Also, while it’s important to give your child tools to stand up for themselves, it’s also good for your children to see that they have parents who will defend them as well. The right balance so they aren’t always being rescued can boost their confidence as well.

You are being very over sensitive and dramatic about this, you need to save your energy for adolescence - you’re going to need it.

This is typical 'girl'behaviour . It goes on until they're around 15 ! It's horrible but this is what they do usually to one child when they're in groups . Ask one school friend over for a play date and tell her these girls are not nice and to avoid them .

That’s not bullying, op.

The responses you are receiving are pissing me off, but tbh teaching her to cuss back isn’t a bad idea if that could become her thing. Or at least she should stand up for herself in a way that suits her personality.

Honestly I think your biggest mistake was bringing this issue to mumsnet. Can you not see how they are getting off on your sensitivity around this and enjoying trying to make you feel shit?

I really disagree with most comments here. It's not about them saying "poo head" specifically. Obviously kids say daft stuff like that and you just ignore it. But there's a subtle line between daft behaviour and bullying behaviour.

From what OP had said, these kids were bullying / picking on her DD. They've got a previous pattern of excluding her when they're together. And this time they were enjoying watching another kid joining in to laugh at her when she tried to speak.

I think on MN there's a myth that small children can't be mean. They absolutely can and there's definite social hierarchies even at a young age. When my DD2 was 3 and at the school nursery, there was a lot of "we're best friends and you can't play" power play going on. I'm not usually one to make a fuss but I actually had a chat with the nursery TA and she said they'd noticed it too and would have a chat with the kids.

It's really hard to deal with OP, it's not something a parent (of any of the kids) can necessarily solve. I think I'd be having a chat with your DD and explain if people are leaving you out or laughing at you (in a way that feels mean) then they're not being kind and it's best to go and do something else.

Teach your kid to walk away.

I would have called my child over to me and redirected to something else.

Can you not see how they are getting off on your sensitivity around this and enjoying trying to make you feel shit?

This is so true. I mean some people probably genuinely disagree. If you've not been, or been a parent to, the kind of kid who always gets left out or picked on, you may just not see it. But there's definitely posts on MN where people are enjoying piling on and implying the OP is ridiculous which is a kind of bullying in itself.

I think OP set herself up for this. She asked for opinions, then got defensive when people disagreed.