AIBU to expect the adult to address that playground behaviour?

[Oscillating]

If your 6½yo kid was in a playground with 3 other similar aged kids who yours was trying to play with, and they were all talking about what they wanted to be when they were older... And one child kept interrupting your child with silly comments like "a poo head" or "some jam" and laughing at you and your child was standing there head down upset while the other child did that...
Would you expect the adult standing nearby to comment "oh come on now they're just being kids" when you went over, intervened and said "that's enough, they're being silly, we're leaving"

The saying silly things over her sounds like a 6 year old being over excited and ridiculous. The running away, calling her a baby, telling her to count to a million and disappearing... these things show they aren't and never will play nicely with her and that's when you just teach her to walk away - not suggest she stops and watch her go back over and over again for more. I promise the silly names and giggling is an every day experience at school, but the rest of it sounds a bit more problematic.

They kept inviting her back and she wanted to be with her friend. I have to let her learn the hard way sometimes

Normal six year old behaviour? Nicely playing? Being silly?

Well within the range of silliness this age group is prone to. 6 year olds think Bum is funny, for heavens sake.

After that long update about the playing behaviour, I don't think the little girl was being very sensitive at that point. She was defeated by repeated behaviour from which her own parent didn't remove her, but blamed another parent for not intervening.

By the time one of my neice's had gone off to play by herself, if the children who didn't want to play with her had followed, I would have removed her ASAP because she absolutely wouldn't have stood hanging her head upset. OP shouldn't have left her child get to the breaking stage, no matter what that breaking point looks like.

Not the words...the behaviour.

I did remove her....
.... I also told her to not play with them.

I'm not blaming the other parent, just was surprised she did nothing to intervene.

But let's blame the victim and not the fucking awful behaviour of the others.

So if you removed her why did she go back for more treatment?

Why not leave the park?

Btw I'm skeptical about the constant add ones of wrongdoing everytime some one disagrees with you. They will be having knives and pepper spray but the next update

She did learn. She walked away and they followed. She's also 6, after the third time they called her back you knew what was coming - she didn't.

Maybe you need to teach her that twice is enough to go back and to just go play by herself. Then you intervene when you see them following her and stop her getting upset by removing her.

I did take her away and she came away and I explained they were being unkind and hiding sweets.

She played a bit on the roundabout by herself, a d they went over and said she could play with them again... So she gave them another chance. But after the final incident she walked away again and they followed..

Sorry that my six year old is such a victim. She's definitely to blame here, as am I.

Ok.

I'm at fault as is my child.

These kids were behaving normally..

But in the OP you said she stood there hanging her head and getting a upset. Now she walked away. Make up your mind

Maybe she was just as surprised that you didn't intervene when the boys told your child they didn't want to play with her the first time.

I did remove her twice actually. Once when the sweets incident happened. She went back.

Then she removed herself just before the climbing frame.

How was I to know it would escalate to that behaviour? I was watching the interaction and stupidly thought the adult standing there might call the kids to stop mocking her, but as soon as it became clear she wasn't going to I intervened and removed my daughter from the park

I can't imagine any of you standing right next to these kids being utterly horrible to another and not saying a single thing??? I absolutely would have told the others to stop being so silly now and leave the child alone 🤷

I DID!!
Then the kids invited her over to "play"

I get that it wasn't the words of themselves, it was the asking her a question and then loudly saying stupid things over her answers.

It is absolutely horrible watching your child being upset by other kids being mean, and I feel for you on that. But you do seem a bit excessively empathetic here - I probably was too when mine were that age, and I don't mean this cruelly, but honestly you and she might be happier if you were a bit less emotionally invested here. Maybe you could have just very firmly said, come on DD, we are off to get a lolly now, and then talked to her about why those girls aren't very nice and she should try not to get too upset: show her you're on her team without being quite so involved.

Also I think if one of the other parents had intervened, it might not have had the desired effect anyway. It certainly wouldn't make those kids any nicer or kinder to yours in the long run.

Anyway, we've been to a playground this morning and she found lovely kids to play with for over an hour and a half.

Won't be going back to other one when we know the kids on question will be present. They go every evening..

If your daughter doesn't listen when you tell her no, then you leave the park.

I wouldn't have let my children follow a child they had told they didn't want to play with them, but I also would have told the child to go to their parent and not keep coming back. Would you have appreciated that intervention?

My children/nieces/nephews were taught they don't need to play with anyone they don't want to and to believe anyone who tells them the same.

Just leave my daughter alone.

The kids were being horrible.

that's not her fault! The horrible kids are at fault.

Were you an only child, OP?

Some of us view this as normal because we were picked on by siblings, cousins or we picked on them and it was just a rite of passage! It taught us to stand up for ourselves, set boundaries, have a laugh, distinguish certain motives from others etc.

This scenario (appreciate I wasn't there) sounds like the kids were teasing and probably being mean but in a normal 6 year old way and not a horribly, bullying way.

I know it can be upsetting to watch your child look upset but, sometimes, they use these mannerisms as a way to signal to other children that they're not happy with their comments or behaviour which is very healthy.

I was very overprotective of my DC but I learned my DC teased others, too, so quickly understood that this was their way of communicating at this age.

There are a lot of phrases which are used in the wrong context and I think it's made people hyper sensitive to labels and being accused of motivations and intent that don't apply.

Not saying it doesn't apply, but hard to tell based on what has been said and just trying to help you understand some of the responses.

Glad she's found some new playmates!

You are getting a totally unbalanced response here for whatever reason, unless I'm also overly sensitive. As far as I'm concerned you did nothing wrong. It was perfectly reasonable to expect another adult to intervene. Your child is perfectly normal, certainly not overly sensitive or a wimp to be upset by what happened. Why should the onus have been on you to leave the park. I hope you and your child find a park without a bitchy clique of 6 year olds!

Teach you`re child to fight back.
Dish it out they can take it back simple.
Words only hurt if we allow ourselves to be offended.

I wouldn’t expect a parent to intervene when it’s not their child whos saying daft stuff or their child whos upset. Apart from anything else, reading random children’s body language isnt easy.

If it was mine saying daft stuff to the extent that it was disrupting others then I’d do something. If it was mine getting upset I’d do something. If it was a random one doing something dangerous I’d intervene. If it was a random one was was upset to the extent that Theyre sobbing I’d intervene. Beyond that I leave them to work it out themselves.

Honestly I think words like bullying when you're talking about 6 years olds in harsh. As mentioned sometime the dynamic can change as multiple kids join thr group. I think names likes poo head and all that toilet humour is fairly typical at that age. Going over and rescuing her absolutely was the right thing to do.. however I know at this age lots of parents are trying to take a step back but I would have said something if I saw mine behaving like that. Also I think I would try and teach your daughter to skip off when ever she's in that type of situation again . Does she have friend's in school. If she is struggling generally maybe some role play at home as how to deal with incidents like this can be really helpful.