AIBU to expect the adult to address that playground behaviour?

[Oscillating]

If your 6½yo kid was in a playground with 3 other similar aged kids who yours was trying to play with, and they were all talking about what they wanted to be when they were older... And one child kept interrupting your child with silly comments like "a poo head" or "some jam" and laughing at you and your child was standing there head down upset while the other child did that...
Would you expect the adult standing nearby to comment "oh come on now they're just being kids" when you went over, intervened and said "that's enough, they're being silly, we're leaving"

Sounds like it’s time for school to start again…

I would have had a word with the parents and if they didn’t sort it then I’d have left the playground. I’d also be telling DC not to play with such nasty twats in future and make new friends.

I'd role play some of this with her at home, give her some comebacks to say if she gets in that situation again. Also, talk about what good friends are and why you shouldn't bother with kids who leave you out.

Whose parent was it? Child C?

I thought child C was a random kid?
It's all getting confusing. Child A was present and mum tried to intervene.
Child B was also known to your child - was their parent there?
And child C you said you didn't know. But you did spot someone you think was their parent?

If you were so far away then can you be fully sure of the interaction?

Great!! It’s not often on here people accept they are wrong and take on other people’s advice, so well done you.

i have ears and can hear and the kids are loud - calling out names when my child was trying to talk, and they were carrying on whilst i was walking towards them - so yes i heard most of what was said during that interaction.

child a, Child b, and child c (all boys) were there laughing at my child - led by child C who kept interrupting her and calling her names, eventually my daughter gave up and hung her head in sadness standing there whilst hey carried on laughing at her carryingon saying things like poo poo head, you're a baby, you're jam etc not awful, no but not kind - i don;t think it makes any difference whether they were sayoin "poo poo head" or "you're a cunt" - its all poor behavious to stand and call other kids names, especially those who are obviously upset.

Parent B was standing next to them (within 1m) watching this all play out - looking directly at the kids, saying nothing - and only commenting that "ah, they are just being kids" when i went to get my child away from it all.

no idea where parent C was n all this.

it doesn't matter anyway. I'm over protective and my kid needs to toughen up, as it it wouldn;t occur to my daughter to call them names back because she hasn;t been raised to do that to others, - she will tell them to be quiet as she's trrying to talk - she does stand up for herself, but this time when the kids just wouldn't stop , all after the exclusionary and previous unkind behaviour , and the adult watching didn;t intervene either, she just shut down and got upset. She didn;t lash out, she didn't stoop to calling them names back, she kept trying to finsih her thoughts and eventually had enough.

anyway, we just won't bother going back to that playground.

try telling a 6 year old that a child who will usually play with them at school and in playground, has been over to play at each others, get invited to parties etc is not their friend...

hard lessons ot learn.

but we;ll just not bother goign tothe playground anymore, and go and find anotehr one.

I think I would advice my dc not to play with these kids. If they’re determined on being unkind there’s not much to do but avoid them.

Theres not point “trying” to play with them, it’ll just add fuel to the flames.

So why did you kid not just walk away to you?

No idea.. probably because she was against the climbing frame and they were in front of her?

Why didn't the other 3 stop what they were doing and leave her alone?

But yes... let's blame the 6 year old for not quite knowing how to handle this situation 🙄

I'm not sure what I'd have done as parent A or B. I probably wouldn't have felt comfortable telling child C to pack it in.

You are so defensive. Have you not TAUGHT her to walk away from people who are being a PITA. I don't blame her, I blame the person who hasn't taught coping skills for years

Child C is the unknown here and may be the class clown or may just be some kid that's left to their own devices a lot of the time hence no parent being around to monitor their behaviour.

Most 6 year olds will find poo funny. Perhaps your DD could have turned it round and said no you're the poo head and they would have all laughed together.

Its hard to tell whether this is kids just being kids, as you are pretty adamant it isn't, while to some extent it just sounds like silliness that needed reigning in (if a kid came up to me and said another called them a poo head then I would probably say to them what a silly thing to say, is your head really made of poo?! No it isn't is it so they are just being very silly!

I did...and she did walk away
.. they followed her to the climbing frame!

Honestly she's not some wet lettuce.

These kids broke her down by constantly being utterly horrible to her, excluding her and saying shit like "oh we're just going over here to decide what to play,an then we'll call you over" and then they would walk away and run away laughing, and then they'd do something like "oh, yes,you can play, let's race to the tree" and they'd whisper, and race and then head towards a different tree than the ones they pointed at... and then laugh at her for going the wrong way. Then they would go to their mum and get sweets and hide them behind their backs and say to DD "I just need to ask Child A something over here. Wait there and we'll come back and play" and they'd sneak sweets to each other.
They suggested to her to played hide and seek and said she had to count, she counted to ten, then they shouted that she had to actually count to 50. So she did and they just stood around giggling at her, she uncovered her eyes to discover they weren't playing and she said to them, "why aren't you hiding?" They said "because you are a baby and we don't have to play with you".

So when she'd finally had enough and walked away, they followed her and they were teasing her and calling her names and laughing at her!

But apparently those kids are acting normally and that's how most people would expect their own children to behave... and it's my kids that's at fault for not being able to cope with the situation and getting upset about it all.

I think I'd probably have either intervened myself or got dd out of there sooner.

I read all your updates and mostly don't understand why you stayed there so long. If your child isn't having fun at the park, and you aren't having fun at the park, and the other kids are being annoying/mean/irritating/whatever... then just go somewhere else? No point dragging it out.

And whether I'd interject if I saw my kids surrounding another child? Maybe? I wasn't really right next to my kids at the park by the time they were 6/7. My kids are both (probably) autistic and don't speak to strangers anyway so I have a bit of a different experience - but if I saw either of them being continually annoyed like this I would just have left much sooner and avoided all the trouble. I wouldn't really expect another parent to jump in to protect my kid unless it got physical (just like in the school yard really).

My daughter was bullied in primary school and it was nothing like this - lots of hate crime level speech (we are Jewish) and some physical aggression. Being called a poop head would have been charming at that point.

Because she needs to learn that not every child will play with her she needs to build resilience!
It's a fine line, I have to let her learn the had way sometimes. I spoke to her a few times during the time saying "why are you choosing to play with them when they're like this, there's other options" and she was saying "but A is my friend I want to play with him" or "they let me play races" and I did say did you have fun? She said no. I encouraged her again to leave them. They waved her back to play etc.

It was when it escalated to (what I would say is bullying but others say is normal 6 year old behaviour) the following her, interrupting her, name calling and laughing and her getting upset and shutting down, that is when I intervened and put an end to all of it, whilst the other adult just stiff next to them and watched it all happen and then excuse the behaviour like 99% of the people on here are 🤷🤷

I think that you did the right thing telling her to play somewhere else and pointing out that their behaviour wasn't nice. Kids don't always listen but in the long wrong I think it helps when a trusted adult reinforces that someone's behaviour is unkind because you can really doubt yourself, especially when it comes from someone that sometimes behaves like a friend.

But according to your opening post, they weren’t calling DD names like poo head.

She asked what they wanted to be when they grew up and they said “a poo head” “jam” and whatever nonsense. That isn’t name calling or bullying, it’s just kids being silly.

You appear to have been at the park for a very long time. Maybe it’s too long to expect kids that age to play nicely together.

Well it gets more and more convoluted each time you post. . So all of the above would've taken a decent amount of time and obviously you were watching the lot to be able to write this so why didn't you just leave the playground. ?

I've read all of your updates and this is similar to a situation we had with my daughter. 2 girls who played nicely with her individually but picked on her once together, in a similar way to you've described further down the thread.
We had to force the end of the relationships, because she was learning to accept being treated unkindly because to her it seemed that we were supporting the other children's behaviour by continuing to socialise with them and the parents.
We tried repeatedly to explain to her that it wasn't okay for them to ignore her, or call her names or hit her; that she should tell them that, and she did try defending herself verbally but it didn't change the other children's behaviour and it didn't make it less hurtful.
Eventually, she just tried to move away to be on her own whenever they were together as she knew what would happen and she's never been one to hit back or anything like that.
Once we stopped socialising with them regularly, it got much better, now she stands up for herself really well when we do occasionally see them.
She's focused on other friendships and doesn't even try to play with these girls individually anymore.
I think you should trust your intuition with how this interaction felt for your child. I think we should expect better from our children than being unkind to others because its funny/silly/kids being kids. Building resilience is parenting but so is teaching your children not to pick on others.

Okay

If your child is trying to say "when I grow up, I want to be a-" and another child interrupted, multiple times and said "a poo head!/a baby/a jam jar" and carried on and laughed whilst your child got upset, What is that called?

Normal six year old behaviour? Nicely playing? Being silly?

I'm sure you'd laugh it off of your kid was on the receiving end.

They never once played nicely with her. She's perfectly capable of playing nicely with kids for extended periods of time usually when they aren't being horrible 🤷

Yes. It’s normal silly six year old behaviour. Bloody irritating but not bullying.

Why was your DD so upset? Is she usually very sensitive?

From that last update @Oscillating , racing to a different tree, being mean with sweets, not hiding and calling her a baby they don't want to play with - that's when you should have removed your child.

These boys made it very clear they did not want to play with your child. Her wants do not trump theirs. You saw all of that happen and let your child get to the point of being very upset. When you saw them hiding sweets why did you not take your child away then to go get ice cream or something?