Being spoken to disrespectfully in front of DHs mum

[illgo]

NC for this, it’s pretty outing.

DH and I have just returned from a long weekend away that we attended his school friend’s wedding (abroad). I was informed on the first day that he had no money left until the end of the month. Not the first time, but was annoyed that I was in the position of paying for transport etc during our time away.

Many discussions have been had about money management and the possibility of him getting a new job, but nothing has changed.

It’s also our DDs birthday this week and I’ve had to use my credit card to buy the presents as he has no money.

I have not once mentioned that I am annoyed about the money situation, although I am. He was horrendous at at the wedding, sulking and not speaking at all with me, but to others.

His mum picked us up from the airport yesterday with DD. I sat in the back of the car with DD playing and DH sat in the front. When we got home he drank straight from the milk carton his mum had bought us. I said, in a jovial way, “oh well I guess no one else is having milk”. In front of his mum, he said to me “why the fuck are you acting like this?”. Like a child. And he looked at me like he hated me. His mum said you shouldn’t be drinking out of the bottle.

Didn’t want to cause a scene in front of his mum, so said after she left, please don’t speak to me like that in front of your mum, or anyone.

He said he’d carried all the bags from holiday and wanted a drink, that I was insinuating he was selfish and disgusting and that I’m not considering the stress he’s under. I told him I had been supporting him, especially financially.

He said I was point scoring, I had a tone, and he won’t be engaging with me until I see his POV. he said he’ll “try” and not speak like that to me again in front of his mum

have I taken too much offence from this? Am I being precious?

He sounds rotten.

To be honest you both sound like you’re on the edge, has he just lost his job or is it a while? Are you together/ married long? How old is dd? Is this just a bump or are you arguing long? He shouldn’t ever say that to you but it sounds like it’s not easy for either of you, the passive aggressive milk remark didn’t sound great (but he shouldn’t have said that to you)

He just sees you as a meal ticket doesn’t he. You’d be better off without him.

He’s gross and disrespectful. Who drinks from bottles / cartons other people drink out of.

If one of my brother’s spoke to a spouse like this in front of my mom she would pull them up on it immediately.

Also a man who runs out of money before month end would be intensely unattractive to me,

Why are you with him? He sounds as if he's making your life so much harder in so many ways.

You sound like you were being passive aggressive. He sounds like he was being a puerile knob. You both sound like you need to have an emotionally mature conversation about your relationship and its dynamics.

Kinda sounds like you are both as bad as each other in some respects and on edge.

Why do you have seperate finances - sounds like the ‘my’ money vs ‘your’ money is a problem between you.

No you're not being unreasonable, it's totally unacceptable to speak to you like that whether in front of his mother or not! If I heard one of my sons speak to their partner that way, I'd pull them up sharpish! But frankly, it sounds like you have big problems in your marriage 🙁

You were passive-aggressive, and he was rude; and his mum and your child got awkwardly stuck in the middle.

But you've got much bigger issues than that.

I think you were quite resentful and it seemed although you didn’t express your dissatisfaction at his lack of funds that you somehow made it known

Is it his doing that he has no job? What’s the story there

Why are you allowing him to spend all of the money? I’d make sure we both pay for bills in an account in my name only, to stop him taking it back out. He can have his spare cash in his account and I’d do the same to keep some money to one side for birthdays etc. If he wants to go away but can’t afford it then say no and don’t go with him. He needs to learn to live within his means.

Just realised he doesn’t have a job! There is no spare cash for him then! Don’t agree to anymore trips or anything that costs money until he gets another job again!

“I carried the bags so I get to disrespect you in front of people” wow he’s a catch.

Also if my brothers did or said anything like that to the wives in front of my mother they wouldn’t live to see another day.

He sounds awful! But what is at the root of him being like this? Is he ashamed at having no money (hot tip: don’t attend weddings abroad if you’re broke) ?

It sounds as if you need to reconnect and communicate properly. I’d be asking him in a non-judgemental way what the matter is and why he didn’t speak to me at the wedding.

At least MIL didn’t take his side! Is she a decent person? Is he a decent person? There’s a difference between someone who has the hump over something acting out on one occasion and someone who’s just always dreadful.

The obvious question is why are you still with him? You sound way too passive and accommodating. Why on earth did you go abroad when you/he has no job or money?
Get rid.

I feel sorry for your poor child - the fact her mother is with such a loser and even worse - speaks to her like a piece of shit? Poor child. Think about what your doing to her.

He sounds awful. Being single and a mum without this manchild in your like will be ten times better.

What is the housing situation?

Urgh, what a nasty specimen 🤮

I hope he’s swiftly an ex

So he expected you to pay the expenses for getting to the wedding and then was in a mood with you throughout? Why? What are you getting out of this relationship with a sulky, nasty man who you have to financially subsidise?

I think you're concentrating on the wrong thing here.

You had a dig in front of his mum by saying “oh well I guess no one else is having milk”, and he had a dig right back in front of his mum.

The issue here is his poor money management and sulking, not his retort to your dig at him.

He doesn’t seem likeable never mind loveable.
Does he work full time?
Does he contribute to the family financially and emotionally or prioritise himself?
Does he often treat you badly and arbitrarily decide to punish you with silence or rudeness?
Once is too often in my book but if this is a pattern you end up teaching it to your daughter too. Would you be happier alone with your dd? Sounds charming comparatively.

Even his own mother thinks he's a twat if she spoke up and reminded him not to drink from the bottle.

He doesn't like you, he doesn't care about you (or his child), and he wants to punish you. The question is not about whether you deserve punishment (you don't) but why HE thinks you do. Time to get rid before he takes out his hate on your joint child, she definitely doesn't deserve that.

Start saving up for your escape fund. If he can't afford something then tough, he goes without.

Well, quite. If you are going to have a kept man, why wouldn't you at least pick one who has basic manners and is pleasant to be around?

Why are you staying with a man who swears at you? have some self respect. Nobody deserves him.