Being spoken to disrespectfully in front of DHs mum

[illgo]

NC for this, it’s pretty outing.

DH and I have just returned from a long weekend away that we attended his school friend’s wedding (abroad). I was informed on the first day that he had no money left until the end of the month. Not the first time, but was annoyed that I was in the position of paying for transport etc during our time away.

Many discussions have been had about money management and the possibility of him getting a new job, but nothing has changed.

It’s also our DDs birthday this week and I’ve had to use my credit card to buy the presents as he has no money.

I have not once mentioned that I am annoyed about the money situation, although I am. He was horrendous at at the wedding, sulking and not speaking at all with me, but to others.

His mum picked us up from the airport yesterday with DD. I sat in the back of the car with DD playing and DH sat in the front. When we got home he drank straight from the milk carton his mum had bought us. I said, in a jovial way, “oh well I guess no one else is having milk”. In front of his mum, he said to me “why the fuck are you acting like this?”. Like a child. And he looked at me like he hated me. His mum said you shouldn’t be drinking out of the bottle.

Didn’t want to cause a scene in front of his mum, so said after she left, please don’t speak to me like that in front of your mum, or anyone.

He said he’d carried all the bags from holiday and wanted a drink, that I was insinuating he was selfish and disgusting and that I’m not considering the stress he’s under. I told him I had been supporting him, especially financially.

He said I was point scoring, I had a tone, and he won’t be engaging with me until I see his POV. he said he’ll “try” and not speak like that to me again in front of his mum

have I taken too much offence from this? Am I being precious?

He is inadequate (in many ways).

Suggest divorce.

Well he doesn’t earn enough and needs a better job. 1.6k is less than min wage if he’s working 35 hours. He’s a fully grown adult with a child who needs to have some aspirations and earn more. He’s also needs to get a grip and understand he can’t afford hobbies when he earns naff all.

He is a man he has-been horrible to you at the wedding can't manage his finances and speaks to you with no respect in front of others which part of this is ok... none of it .
The fact as a man your husband/partner can make you tear up is fucking shit behaviour and the fact he has a daughter would he be ok a man speaking to her in that way.
You're not being precious at all he needs to get a grip and and protect you love you sort out his finances not hurt you ... sounds like a prick.

I have only read OPs original post, i think your husband is suffering from guilt and reflecting that back on you as a anger and rudeness. He had no money which in a grown adult going to his friends wedding planned in advance is just pathetic. He expects you to pay but is rude and resentful. Has no money for his daughters birthday which presumably is on the same date every year. He's financially incompetent, rude, aggressive sulks and pouts. Why are you with him.

Urgh

I'm not going to comment on the money, but the milk comment has me worried.
I once asked my granny who was married to grandpa for 64 years, how they remained so devoted.
her answer..."Pick your fights carefully".
I think that was the worst thing you coukd have done. Why poke the bear?
He sounds hugely stressed and that comment was really badly timed. I would have let it go.
But it sounds like time to have an honest talk with him.
Nothing comes between a couple more than money problems.

I’m not sure being stressed is an excuse for being an arsehole to her alone.

If he was stressed he’d have been like a bear with a sore head with everyone. But no - as is fairly usual, the partner gets it. And it sounds as though the ‘stress’ is self inflicted.

Do I think it was a good thing to say at the time? No - not really but I get it. And why should she stay mute while he gets to be sulky and childlike.

Big talks need to be had for sure. But I would not want to be with a childish arse who takes his temper out on me and refuses to engage until I acknowledge his point of view - when it doesn’t sound as though he is willing to see mine.

Life is too short to placate someone when they are blaming their shortcomings on someone else and ‘stress’.

He's showing you who he is....a bullying manchild who doesn't love or respect you. I wouldn't want that role model around my kids.

WTF is wrong with women settling for absolute arseholes like this? He can't even support himself, let alone his child. There is zero, absolutely zero, going for him. Take your money out of the joint savings account. Stick in in your own account, or one in your child's name. Dump the cvnt.

Do you always make excuses for men's bad behaviour? You should take a look at yourself and ask what happened to your boundaries and standards. Perhaps look at the man you're with too. Because your reaction is far from normal.

I would politely suggest you
A. Learn some tolerance
B. Learn some manners
C. Park the attitude
D. Blow it all out your ear.
Respectfully yours

You finances are messed up. You are married with a child, £1k a month personal money is far too much. It should all go into a joint account other than a few hundred pounds each. Then from there you put in £1k savings and pay all the bills, groceries and joint holidays etc etc. He sounds awful with the overspending and milk drinking but then so do your penny pinching and the milk comment. Maybe you both just deserve each other?