Being spoken to disrespectfully in front of DHs mum

[illgo]

NC for this, it’s pretty outing.

DH and I have just returned from a long weekend away that we attended his school friend’s wedding (abroad). I was informed on the first day that he had no money left until the end of the month. Not the first time, but was annoyed that I was in the position of paying for transport etc during our time away.

Many discussions have been had about money management and the possibility of him getting a new job, but nothing has changed.

It’s also our DDs birthday this week and I’ve had to use my credit card to buy the presents as he has no money.

I have not once mentioned that I am annoyed about the money situation, although I am. He was horrendous at at the wedding, sulking and not speaking at all with me, but to others.

His mum picked us up from the airport yesterday with DD. I sat in the back of the car with DD playing and DH sat in the front. When we got home he drank straight from the milk carton his mum had bought us. I said, in a jovial way, “oh well I guess no one else is having milk”. In front of his mum, he said to me “why the fuck are you acting like this?”. Like a child. And he looked at me like he hated me. His mum said you shouldn’t be drinking out of the bottle.

Didn’t want to cause a scene in front of his mum, so said after she left, please don’t speak to me like that in front of your mum, or anyone.

He said he’d carried all the bags from holiday and wanted a drink, that I was insinuating he was selfish and disgusting and that I’m not considering the stress he’s under. I told him I had been supporting him, especially financially.

He said I was point scoring, I had a tone, and he won’t be engaging with me until I see his POV. he said he’ll “try” and not speak like that to me again in front of his mum

have I taken too much offence from this? Am I being precious?

He hates you and is hoping you will pull the plug on this relationship

could he be having an affair?

I wouldn’t be saving up for a bigger house together. He can’t afford it. I would call it quits now

You spent all that money on going to this wedding and he spoilt the day by being a miserable a*

just a thought are you sure he is running out of money. Could he be telling you that so he doesn’t have to spend his own and is eating into yours

Either way he needs to sort himself out

I think the OP’s feelings are notable.

The Op doesn't want to support him, she has mentioned that he hasn’t tried to get another job and won’t sell hobby stuff and has him paying back money for a holiday.

I don’t disagree btw I wouldn’t want to support him either.

But I also think it’s madness that only OP is putting money away because “we” want a bigger house. Of course he’d be happy if you bought him a bigger house. What is he going to contribute towards it apart from resentment?

You each have £1k per month "fun money" and yet you had to use a credit card for your daughter's birthday presents? Sounds like you are both bad with money and need to agree on some budgets and ground rules.
When he has a job, do you have everything in a joint account? Personally, I have never understood having separate "mine" and "his/hers" money when you're in a serious relationship, especially if you have kids and/or mortgage. My ex husband and I never had separate money when we were together, including when he was a stay-at-home dad for several years and when he was in minimum wage roles. I never wanted him to feel like he didn't have money. It was a partnership.
That said, if your partner is useless in many ways, including respectfulness and finances, I would probably keep the finances separate at this point and start planning the divorce.

She does all the shops and presumably buys w everything for the kids out of hers.

I’d start looking into divorce, honestly. All those money issues and he can’t even be bothered to speak to you respectfully? He sounds like a millstone around your neck.

He sounds like an absolute pig.

DH and I have just returned from a long weekend away that we attended his school friend’s wedding (abroad). I was informed on the first day that he had no money left until the end of the month.

Next time he does that, say "Oh, that's a shame, neither have I".

No you are def not precious, his behaviour is horrible, disrespectful to.you and childish. What is he doing with his money? If he knew the wedding was coming up why did he not save some money for that? I would be wanting to know what he's spending on

Is he worth your relationship. Kick in the pants put him in the shed, garage or the sofa. What an ass
Fo you need him?

Ew he sounds vile

Why are you saving into a joint account that he contributes nothing to? Madness!

What's the point to him? Why are you still with him? Get rid

I would call it a day with him and wave goodbye ..

So it was acceptable for you to criticize him in front of her, but if he responds, he's out of order. Sounds like you have double standards.

Criticising him for drinking milk from the carton is hardly equivalent to his spending her money while squandering his own and not speaking to her while they were away.

If I heard my DS talking to his wife like that, I would have been utterly ashamed of him, and treating you so badly at the wedding was also extremely low behaviour.

Does he actually like you, or just your money, I wonder.

All in all he sounds pretty vile.

This is absolutely everything nailed.

You’re not being too precious. Is this unusual or first time he’s been like this.

MILs reaction is worth thinking about. If my DD spoke to her partner like that in front of me then she’d be getting lecture on respect no matter how old.

few years back I’d said something (about an Xmas decoration so not provoking) to DH who then snapped “shut the f*ck up”. It was said in quite a nasty way in front of MIL. I was quite shocked and assumed MIL might say something to him….but what she said was “now now you two, no silly bickering”.

her being willing to condone DH speaking to me like that says a lot about who she is (and who DH is)

Take the money out of the joint account & put in your name only. Why are you letting him use you as an ATM and talk to you like 💩. Seriously you & DD deserve better.

LTB

The OP wasn’t passive aggressive. Her DH deliberately drank milk out of the pack and she pulled him up. He sounds vile and it sounds like this marriage has run its course.

There was a thread a few months back. The DH had no idea how much the DW paid more than him. It was a shock to them both. Go back through 6 months of bills and show how the money gets spent for starters.

He's gaslighted you.. probably because he feels inadequate.
Suggest counselling.