Was I wrong to refuse DP a lift meaning he had a £90 taxi?

[Bethsvint]

DP got the train to a nearby city with friends yesterday (a day drinking basically).

He was expecting to get the last train back at 10.30pm. Shortly after this, he called me to say he’d been told to leave the platform by the police. Reason being that he thought it would be a good idea to try to wind up his friends getting a train on the opposite platform by dropping his shorts/boxers and bending over in their direction. This was spotted by police who told him to leave the station or he’d be arrested.

I told him no. It was late, a 45 minute drive each way including the motorway. He got a taxi but is off with me as it cost £90 and he said he’d have picked me up in the same circumstances.

We help each other with lifts usually, have a good relationship and no issues etc.

Was I wrong to have refused?

He didn't do it on purpose? How did he accidentally drop his pants and flash his bum?

I don’t feel like I need to “teach my DP a lesson”. I’m not his mother.

We are a partnership and that means I have his back, and he mine. It doesn’t really matter how much of a prat he’d been, I’d go and pick him up.

But that’s on the basis that we have a great relationship, and that I know he’d always be there for me, even if I’d been stupid. Also, anything like this would be very out of character - if he made a habit of being a twat and expecting me to bail him out, it would be very different.

All of us make stupid decisions sometimes. Even as grown adults, we can be childish or immature. All of us. Amplify that if alcohol is involved. I wouldn’t want a life partner who thought it was their role to punish me, or at the very least, leave me to stew in my own mess (as some of the comments suggest).

Also, at 10.30 on a Saturday night I can’t see that mooning is horrific. It’s childish and inane and it’s not something I can imagine anyone in our friendship groups doing, but still, I couldn’t get that worked up about it.

Interesting though, although I know the police of course were technically right to remove him, they seem to normally just give people a stiff warning for this kind of thing - unless the offender is a bit aggro too. Was your DH likely to have copped an attitude or been mouthy?

Aside from all of that, I would have absolutely mocked DP mercilessly forever! There would have been no chance of him ever forgetting it for that reason alone 😂

Maybe better he got a taxi rather than waiting 45 minutes for you to pick him up and potentially indulging in further stupid behaviour.

Please don't dismiss what this man did as inane, childish or "just mooning" he dropped his trousers and boxers in a public place where there might have been children or teenage girls. He was exposing himself. And I don't care it was 10.30 on a Saturday night. Youngsters and girls are out at that time of night at a train station for all sorts of reasons, travelling back from holiday for example. I have a newly turned 18 year old who catches the train quite a lot, I don't want her to have to put up with that. Just because it's a public place and he was doing it to his mates does not excuse it or lessen the impact on others. It's not about one adult in the relationship "punishing" the other, it's just not brushing it under the carpet it as an acceptable thing to do. I have standards and this falls well below what I would accept from a partner.

Just because it's a public place and he was doing it to his mates does not excuse it or lessen the impact on others.

So much this.

I've noticed a lot of people just laugh off this kind of drunken stupidity without caring who else those stupid drunken antics could be affecting.

This guy is in his 30s and behaving like a teenager or a pervert. He's old enough to know exposing himself in a public place is a no go. He's lucky he didn't end up arrested.

I think you did the right thing - he behaved like a prize twit!

I’d say the £90 is the very smallest issue here

what a bummer!

As I said, I don’t really see mooning as a terrible misdemeanour. I appreciate others may feel differently but it’s just not something I can get worked up about tbh.

Mooning is a fairly well-known prank/joke that goes back decades - it’s even in Grease! Mooning has historically been used as either a protest or as a joke, it’s comedic in nature, even if it’s not comedy that you especially appreciate.

Mooning isn’t classed as flashing under U.K. law - hence why OP’s DH wasn’t charged.

A bare arse is childish and inane, but nothing more.

18yr olds who are out late on a Saturday night are going to see a lot worse than a drunk dickhead baring his arse briefly to his mates. Also, go to any beach and they’re going to see pretty much the same with tiny thongs up the arse crack that are practically invisible.

I don’t think mooning is acceptable and I think I made that pretty clear. But I would still go and get my DP even if he’d acted like a twat, because why wouldn’t you? Lots of PP said they would if he had missed his train but not for this reason because he has to learn consequences. So therefore the only reason they’re not going is to what, make his evening worse because he deserves it? That’s a no from me - that’s not a partnership. I expect my DP to be there for me even if I’ve fucked up, and vice versa. Different if this wasn’t a one-off but OP says he’s great usually.

Mooning isn’t classed as flashing under U.K. law - hence why OP’s DH wasn’t charged - @SpidersAreShitheads

If you re-read the OP, you'll see that the police told him if he didn't leave the station, he'd be arrested,.

No mooning isn't classed as indecent exposure unless genitalia is exposed. But it could constitute the offence of outraging public decency, which is probably what the police would have charged him with if he hadn't taken their advice and left.

Sounds like he was lucky to get away with a £90 taxi fare rather than a night in a police cell. He's old enough to know that actions have consequences. Hopefully he's learned his lesson now. I would not have picked him up in those circumstances either. Time he grew up.

I’m not his parent, I’m on dh’s side even when he’s wrong.

But he DID do it ‘on purpose’. Nobody forced him to flash his arse (or worse) in a public place!

"How to Enable a Twit so That Others Suffer"

That isn't actually the loving act you sound like you think it is

Youre not unreasonable. No way I’d be driving for 90 minutes to pick up a drunk partner.

His mistake, he wears it.

I’d have told him that I hope next time he gets bloody arrested and then he might grow up!!!

No it doesn’t; this might shock you but a drunk person is vulnerable. You don’t own the word just because you “truly are.”

I would have picked dh if it was a one off and out of character but would probably not be staying with him if it was a pattern of behaviour.

lol yeah it’s also “absolutely bizarre” that a drunk pensioner got raped behind a church recently. Maybe it’s to do with the English drinking culture but I come from a culture where being drunk is an exception and the person isn’t treated like they need to learn a lesson. Most of you seem to hate your husbands.

But you wouldn’t put him in that position by getting pissed and basically flashing, so you are not being unreasonable. Might teach him a lesson!

I guess it depends - if it’s a total one off then I would. If it was standard, I’d leave him and divorce because I would hate to be married to that. Rare mistakes v his personality. Mood on the phone would also be a factor - hugely apologetic and acknowledging he fucked up is different to a call demanding you get him so that would also factor in. I’m picturing my own circumstances where this would be so far from the norm for dh that I would go and collect, but I can see how different relationships would come to the other decision to leave him.

So many of you seem to actually dislike your partners.

If he was my partner and I cared about him then I'd have picked him up.

I would think it served him right.

Even if he'd been kicked out by the police and nearly arrested?

Having been flashed by a drunk man on a train when I was about 8 (also joking with his friends), I'd take a pretty grim view of any woman who did go and pick her partner up in these circumstances. Hopefully the £90 will teach him a lesson.