Was I wrong to refuse DP a lift meaning he had a £90 taxi?

[Bethsvint]

DP got the train to a nearby city with friends yesterday (a day drinking basically).

He was expecting to get the last train back at 10.30pm. Shortly after this, he called me to say he’d been told to leave the platform by the police. Reason being that he thought it would be a good idea to try to wind up his friends getting a train on the opposite platform by dropping his shorts/boxers and bending over in their direction. This was spotted by police who told him to leave the station or he’d be arrested.

I told him no. It was late, a 45 minute drive each way including the motorway. He got a taxi but is off with me as it cost £90 and he said he’d have picked me up in the same circumstances.

We help each other with lifts usually, have a good relationship and no issues etc.

Was I wrong to have refused?

I would pick my DH up to save the £90 but I wouldn't be with a man who exposed himself at train stations like a 16 year old boy with a dodgy personality.

I would have gone, but my DH wouldn't have mooned in a train station.

He chose to drink. He’s an adult. He’s not ‘vulnerable’. That diminishes the meaning of ‘vulnerable’ for those who truly are.

He needs to feel the consequences of his actions so that he learns how to be a fully grown adult.

There are too many factors here to take into consideration:
Is he sorry for what he did and would he do it again?
Can you go out late, just come in and go straight to sleep?
How much £90 means to you as a couple?
How much you like/dislike driving?

I was just going to say that the £90 was his "fine" for behaving like a pillock and he's lucky to get away with that as the only consequence and wasn't arrested for indecent exposure.

But "Stupidity Tax" is a perfect summation.

And there's a deeper, serious point in this situation:

If he'd - intentionally or not - exposed his genitalia when mooning, that is indecent exposure, a sexual offence. Given how the police rightfully were criticised for not doing anything when Wayne Cozens committed 3 incidents of indecent exposure, the police hopefully take such crimes seriously now.

@Bethsvint I hope your DP understands that it was gross for him to potentially expose himself to women (and children) on the train, even if it was 'just' his buttocks.

Are you sure he gave you the full picture / explanation?
i am surprised the police close by enough to react so quickly to the incident he describes... It would seem more likely that someone would have had to call to alert them. (Which would indicate that it wasn't something quick and over before police had a chance to arrive)? Secondly, the police are so used to silly behaviour they would usually just want to get people safely on their way home so wouldn't in my experience deliberately kick someone out of the station especially if it meant missing the last train. Usually if people are in good spirits police will give them talking to and guide them on their way. The fact the police acted so strongly would make me wonder if he was rude / argumentative / aggressive / too drunk to be considered safe on the train? Of course he could have been unlucky and did it right in front of police but still seems a bit suspicious to me...

ETA: not downplaying what he says he did as others have said it would/could be considered indecent exposure, but I would have then expected him to get a fine or more serious treatment than just being removed from the station which doesn't seem to serve any purpose in the circumstances as he describes it. The only reason I've usually seen people removed is for persistent aggressive / unco-operative / disrespectful behaviour.

If you don’t let people see actions have consequences, they never learn. Don't bail people out, let them feel the pain a bit and they may change their behaviour. If only parents followed these rules too!

What?

If the £90.00 will come out of your joint account I would have picked him up. If it’s £90.00 out of his personal money I’d have left him to get a taxi, hopefully the £90.00 loss will make him think about his actions next time.

He was lucky he didn't get arrested.

All in all he got off quite lightly having to pay £90 for a taxi.

No way in hell would I have gone out and driven a one and a half round trip to pick up an adult who got himself thrown out of the station because he chose to get drunk and behave like a stupid, badly behaved teenager.

I’d have picked him up

I'd have picked him up, given that I was usually the dumb drunk idiot who had to be rescued from the consequences of their actions, and it would have been so refreshing that it wasn't me for once, and that I could return the favour! I'd be making sure to remind him not to do a down trou' where the coppers could see him, every time he went out for quite some time to come, and all.

I can see why you wouldn't though.

What a stupid response.

He's vulnerable if someone kicks his head in because he's so drunk.

Agree.

Our marriage is a partnership. We have each others' backs.

YANBU and his argument to justify his response is rubbish. Is he really quite sure if you had indecently exposed yourself deliberately in public, he wouldn’t have had something to say about it. I’d tell him to grow up and expect consequences if he wants to behave like an immature schoolboy!

We have each others' backs.

I have my DH's back, but I would not have his backside ... should he chose to show it in public and get caught.

Perhaps he shouldn't have shown his arse to the plod? Lol. You are not unreasonable.

So he is 'off' with you because you refused to drive for an hour and a half to pick hi up.
Would he expect you to be off with him if you drove 90 mins, used all that petrol etc?

He is out of order. He caused the problem, and he should be ashamed of himself.

"he said he’d have picked me up in the same circumstances."

You can put that to the test next time you expose yourself in public and the police intervene

Equally you could say he's vulnerable if someone kicks his head in because his face looks a certain way or he has the wrong top on or someone thinks he said something.

So no one should go out alone? And he'd be made less vulnerable by hanging around for 45 minutes waiting for the OP to collect, vs hopping straight into a taxi to be home in that same time?

This

YANBU

I absolutely have my husband's back and if the train had been cancelled I would have picked him up without a second's hesitation. But my husband would not drop his pants in a public place because he's not a pathetic manchild who gets so drunk and thinks exposing himself in a public place is a funny and acceptable thing to do. I'd be absolutely disgusted with him and would have to reconsider my relationship with someone who thought it was. An 18 year old lad? Perhaps, if he was remorseful, but a 30 year old man? Bleugh, how embarrassing! He's lucky he didn't need collecting from the police station.

In the same circumstance he’d have Done it for you… i doubt you’d have put yourself in those circumstances. Pleased he paid from his own money.

I wouldn't have wanted him in the house, let alone picked him up. Is he fifteen years old?